Tuesday, August 30, 2016

{From Holy Cow to Holy Spirit} Shedding Expectations

It has been a long while since I've wandered down memory lane to talk about my conversion from growing up Hindu to living in the heart of Christ and His Church. Last we left off, I was entering my teenage years and had just invited Christ to be in my life, albeit without any magical transformation. I would leave for college in a few years not thinking about that moment again until many years later. 

Before I continue along with the tales of my journey, I feel compelled to stop for a moment and share with you what I learned about my story over the last year. After attending the Edel Gathering, I felt a strong tug on my heart to begin speaking more about my conversion. I felt certain that God was going to use me to reach others, as He does with all of us. Shortly after, I was invited to speak on a radio show about my conversion, my husband convinced me to reach out about writing a book, and I was invited to speak about my conversion at a couple of Theology on Tap events. 

I sometimes feel very close to St. Peter in that I seem to get things wrong the first time around. In my excitement to share the story of how Jesus called me into His arms, I forgot to consider that others would be looking for a story different to the one I lived. While it is true that I converted from Hinduism, I am by no means an expert on the matter. I was, like many teenagers, not a scholar of my previous faith. More truthfully, I was floundering about, desperately seeking a sense of belonging, of home, of love. 

Sadly, I'm afraid I disappointed those I spoke with in the eagerness to share my story. I had no grand rejections of Hindu principles. My identity had not been formed as a "traditional Indian" - my parents as I mentioned before were quite well assimilated into "American" culture. There was more of a gradual falling into the heart of Christ. I cannot speak to the details of Hindu worship or tenets of the faith in contrast to what I find in Catholicism beyond a surface exploration. 

My previous self would say "I'm sorry," but the truth is that I am not. I am sorry to disappoint people looking for a different narrative, but I know with certainty that God is asking me to speak. I still hear that whisper to share how I came to know and love Jesus, how I came find my place in His Church. I hear God tell me that there are so many lonely, lost, and floundering souls out there in search of Him. If that loses some of my audience waiting for that St. Paul moment of enlightenment, I apologize. My hope is that by shedding the expectation of others in telling my tale, I will make more space for Jesus Himself to captivate hearts and imaginations, to help other souls find rest. 

So next time, I'll pick up where I left off in my teenage years. Be not afraid!

Thank you for joining me along the way... Now let's get out there and love those other lost, searching, hapless souls like Jesus!


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1 comment:

  1. I love this Rakhi. And for me, your authenticity is the power behind your story