Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sanity in Grace

My favorite photo
Hubbers' favorite photo

Somewhere along the way in college or grad school, we were given a list of "stress" indicators to measure how stressful our lives were. These indicators included times of transition, major events, etc etc etc dot dot dot.

I have a feeling that according to the creators of said "test" that both Hubbers and I should be certifiably insane any day now. In the past 14 months we have either individually or together experienced our own sharae of ups, downs and major transitions. We've:
  • Gotten new jobs
  • Gone through job restructuring
  • Gotten married
  • Found ourselves in a new living situation (he moved, and I lost my no-roomie status!)
  • Lost a family member
  • Had a seriously ill family member
  • Had close friends lose family
  • Oh, yeah, and had a baby!
Yet, in the midst of the chaos, the Lord has brought great grace in our lives. Especially in the birth of our Li'l G, we (well, at least I) have learned to see through new eyes. A new light has filled our lives, which brings with it some struggle for me since light tends to illuminate things that were kept in the dark before, but struggle in the sense of a challenge to rise above who I was comfortable being and become who God has created me to be in every way, not short-changing my daughter of any part of me, learning not to hold back anything. That stretching can bring a little pain, but it's a good hurt that has been a long time coming.

It has also helped me to see my Hubbers through new eyes, and see just how much love the Lord has brought to my life, whether I feel I deserve it or not. I feel as though we've grown closer in the last week than over three years of dating and a year of marriage had brought us - it's amazing how much you realize you are holding back when something comes along and breaks everything open again. He has seen parts of me that I used to try to hide...and quite literally has seen me inside and out now, which gives him a different perspective. Apparently I have some rather interesting colors inside me! (Have I mentioned that I'm thrilled there are no photos of this?)

At any rate, the grace of our Li'l G has given me such a stronger sense of the oneness of our marriage in Christ. The control freak in me usually feels like she just has to do it all herself. Part of the stretching and opening is learning that there is no such thing as "just herself" anymore in this family, and that this is a good thing. It is a great grace that will preserve sanity...well, as much sanity as I've ever had at any rate!

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