Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Where Chaos & Exhaustion Meet

It finally happened. I admit I thought it would have come sooner, so I'm proud and yet disappointed in myself at the same time. The moment where I raise the white flag of surrender and go into hiding crept up on me as I realized I was outnumbered by little creatures that on this day decided whining and crying was the preferred method of communication. I had that moment where I wished I was the woman in the commercial yelling, "Calgon, take me away!" because then there would be a director who would yell, "Cut!" and it would all stop. No such luck.

With a lovely little girl who is trying to learn to express herself and a wee handsome, hungry baby boy, these days will probably come more often than not. Add a cat who I'm pretty sure just really likes to talk and misses being the baby, I may want to look into whether Calgon still exists.

In truth, when chaos and exhaustion meet, frustration gets the better of me. I know I need to work on my reaction. Sadly, there was more mean mom than fun mom today. Now, though, in moments of reflection I am ready to get up and do it all again, hoping mean mom can take a back seat to patience and encouragement.

Though Li'l G can strike a note with her whining that rivals nails on a chalkboard, I do not want to crush her spirit. God has given her such a lively soul and strong will that will serve her well (and Him) - I just have to invest in some earplugs and work on harnessing and directing that energy as she learns to express herself and learn healthy boundaries. I have to learn to set aside my grown-up goggles that make me focus on how embarrassingly disastrous the current state of the house is, and tap into the inner child that can receive great joy out of a "leelicious" cup of pretend tea when served by my daughter.

The little man, well, he's still getting used to life on the outside. It's less cozy out here, I'm sure! And while it can feel like I'm drowning in diapers and bottles in the middle of a day when he's decided to play the role of The Nibbler and graze rather than eat, there is no greater joy than holding him in my arms and being immersed in the mystifying reality that just a month ago he was living inside me, and a year ago, he was not yet even thought of by anyone other than God.

The "J" planner in me (Myers-Briggs reference) has to take a back seat while I learn to roll with the punches. Each new day will bring brand new adventures, challenges and milestones. I know it will all go by way too quickly in hindsight, even if in the middle of it all I feel like I've found the secret to creating a longer day.

1 comment:

  1. This made me cry. Mean mom was out in full force yesterday, and at one point lil a looked at me like, almost hesitant..."am I gonna get scolded again?" It made me feel like such a bad mom. But then, fun mom was back today and some level of sanity has been restored, well...att least until dinner time