Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Getting Through The Fog

I've had a handful of posts rattling around in my head, but none of them really have been coming together. I'm refraining from any potty training posts, because, well, that might just be too much sharing and there are plenty of critics of sharing too many intimate details about our children online lest we injure their dignity now or in the future. So there's that. 

Honestly, I just haven't been able to focus long enough to hammer anything out. I have great little quips that come to me whilst driving or brushing my teeth, but they don't stay in my noggin long enough to hash them out. The truth is I've been in a bit of a fog over this past weekend. Every so often, a slight haze of depression and lethargy hit and I can't find my way out. I want to. Boy, do I want to. I want to be joyful and fun as a wife, mom and well, person. I just can't. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I desire, sometimes I am just lost in a fog and the poor Hubs is left picking up the slack for a day or two. If I'm forced to be in public as I was this weekend, I can fake it til I make it, but boy is it exhausting.

In these episodes, I wonder sometimes if medication is the way to go, but I remind myself that I hate taking medication and that there are people who actually suffer chronically who need those medications, so that just isn't for me. The Hubs believes that it is just a momentary and periodic funk, which may be right, but sometimes I wouldn't mind a magic pill that restores the joy and functionality. I mean, I know Target sucks me in on a normal day, but it takes me twice as long (or longer) when I am stuck in the midst of these episodes because I can't quite focus on what I need to do. Again, there are worse places to be stuck than Target, I know. 

I am finding that the recuperation from postpartum has been very different from one child to the next. With Li'l G, the blues stuck around consistently much longer. With the little man, they still hit, but I am finding that they tend to hit more sporadically and have continued into the first year. Even in the murky darkness of the fog, though, these two little faces are well worth the struggle. There is still peace that comes as I snuggle next to them and see their smiling faces, hear their little singing voices, or share those slobbery kisses. I would just rather not deal with the fog at all, though. C'est la vie. Unite it to the cross, I know, I know. 

Anyone else experience these? What has helped you break free in the midst of an episode? Anyone else now suddenly thinking of Foghorn Leghorn? No? Just me? Well, that's awkward... :)

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  1. Your humor is a strong weapon against lingering fog. I've also found - consistently - that spiritual music is one of the strongest weapons we have against low spirits...or fear...or the enemy yelling in our ear. Fog...well, if you're talking about not being able to think in a straight line, hey, that's just temporary, no te preocupes (I'm assuming you know some spanish, since you speak of your casa). Dios te bendiga, mi amiga.

  2. Gracias, Anna! The Hubs's humor is definitely helpful too. :)

  3. When I am in a fog, I try to find ways to focus on others. Writing a letter, making a meal for another family, etc- it helps me take the emphasis off of my own feelings, you know? Praying for you!

  4. Rakhi, I can completely relate to random days of fog. I got a bit on the foggy side on Monday and feel like I'm still trying to shake it. What has helped me is going over to some of my mama friends places for playdates. It gets me outside of my head. Also, trying to focus on gratitude and calling on Our Lady (Sweet Mary, Mother of our Lord, be a Mother to me now.)have been helpful. A friend of mine at bible study prayer night introduced a "gratitude" rosary. For all the Hail Mary's you say something you are thankful for. Or even just saying the rosary - so powerful! My prayers are with you as we both try and shake this. Oh! And, I'm with Anna ^^ on the music. I turn on my favorite Pandora station.

  5. I feel like I am going through something like this right now... so, I feel ya. I am night married, have kids or am dealing with any postpartum anything... and I am still right there with you. I love your analogy with fog. Such a great illustration! I am still working on what works for me. But, at least there is some comfort in knowing that there are other people who are in the fog, too.

    Prayers for you, Rakhi. :) And a hug!

  6. I'm playing catch up on blog reading, so I'm piping in a little late, but I totally feel ya! I've had that feeling intensely after my first pregnancy, and it wanders in and out of my life. I find that the only thing that really helps me pull it together is plenty of mass and plenty of workouts. Even thought they seem like an extra effort when I'm really low, I find that (for me) basic care of my soul and basic care of my body are completely necessary for helping me be healthy in mind and spirit! Hang in there, Rakhi. Many prayers!