Do You Want To Be Made Well?

{This post is part of Conversion Diary's 7 Posts in 7 Days Series.}

Do you want to be made well? That was the question that the Lord kept placing on my heart as I was driving home that cold, blustery afternoon. Do you want to be made well?

Clearly the answer is a resounding, “YES!” 

If only it were so simple. While the answer is always yes, there is much in my life that would contradict that answer. If I wanted to be well, I would stop putting off that doctor’s visit. If I wanted to be well, I would be more faithful about spiritual direction. If I wanted to be well, I would eliminate all those obstacles that keep me from fully opening my heart to the graces the Lord wants to pour out, to the healing He wishes to give me. Like the hemorrhaging woman, I would risk anything to just touch the hem of His cloak if it meant I would be made well. I would believe I had enough worth to deserve such healing.

Sadly, so many of us cling to what makes us unwell. Jealously, anger, resentment, bad habits, fear, laziness, poor health – they become our comfortable friends over the years. Imagining life without them by our side seems impossible. Life without our ailments seems like a distant dream, and while we might toy with the idea of wanting to live in that world, new life also scares us. A new life inevitably means leaving elements of the old one behind, and that involves risk – it involves something unknown. No matter God’s promises of a future with a hope that awaits us, the unknown can be a scary place. To be made well, we must be willing to let go of the life we know. It’s like being on Let’s Make A Deal. We know what we have in front of us. God has more in store for us behind doors 1, 2 and 3, but it is a mystery. The difference here is God doesn't have any lemons behind those doors – what He has prepared for us is good, so very good. Yet, we still fear the unknown.

The truth is also that many of us also like to hang on to what ails us so we can complain, either for the sake of having something to complain about or for the attention. What a different life it would be if I replaced all my complaining with praise and gratitude instead! Maybe I’d have that constant inner joy I've been pining for all this time. I’m not talking about a façade of happiness – no Stepford wife here. Simply imagine not focusing on what ails us, but rather on what is well within us. It’s completely foreign to me! I’d much rather focus on how much my body aches, how sad I am, how bored, how I’m not doing what I would like to, how much I didn't accomplish, etc. etc. etc. Being made well requires a shift of focus away from the broken back to the whole. It requires us to put the focus back on Jesus.

Do you want to be made well? Perhaps the honest truth is “yes, but.” 

Yes, but I don’t always know what holds me back. 

Yes, but I need to learn to let go. 

Yes, but I need to believe I am worth Your time, that I am not beyond help.

Yes, but I am afraid.

Yes, but I need help getting there – from God, from friends, from sisters in Christ – I need help getting there, but I do want to be made well. 

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