Out of the Ashes, We Rise

Tap tap tap.

Hellooooo out there?

It has been a long while since I have sat at this keyboard and attempted to write. The layers of dust are thick, both on my blog and in my brain. Between the exhaustion of life and the draining nature of the current social and political climate, I've not been certain I wanted to throw open the windows!

Yet, here I am.

If there is one thing of which I am certain, it is that even though it may be just a small smoldering ember, when the Lord puts something on your heart, He will fan it into a flame in His time. I've come to realize I am in the business of small embers. While I'd like to be the flamethrower and burn all the things down some days, it is in the small things that God speaks to me, animates me to move with Him.

It is time to dust off the keyboard, throw open the curtains, and let some light shine back in to the corners of my heart and mind where God has been moving ever so slowly in power. It is time to put away the fear of conflict and begin to encourage conversation that builds.

If you are like me, you have a deep desire to fix all the things -- to take what is damaged in the world and restore it. The enormity of the task seems daunting, but I've come to realize that looking at the big picture can sometimes lead us to become paralyzed. No more, friend. Fixing the whole world is not our task. We have to find the one thing we can do today, right here and now. As Mother Teresa used to say to those who wanted to come work in the slums with her, we have to find our own Calcutta.

I don't have the answers to how to make right what is broken, I just know it has to start with me -- and you -- in small ways. I hope you will join me in the coming months.

Facing Our Fears, and Losing Our Bias

Tap tap tap. Huh. It seems I AM still here! 

There has been a lot of static and radio silence from my corner since the election because . . . well, good gravy! No matter what I write, I get bombarded from both ends of the spectrum. The left who can't give up the ghost of the "perfect" administration . . . the right who are blinded by this not being "that" administration. Oh, and "pro-life*."

I am, of course, speaking in generalities. In real life, as Mary would say, most people are not lunatics. Oh wait, she says most people are awesome. The lunatic part is all me. In all seriousness, I think if we were to sit down over a coffee or other strong beverage, you would find that we as a whole have more in common than that which separates us. In person, we could all admit that none of us have the answers, and maybe looking me in the eyes would keep you from spewing every liberal/conservative talking point under the sun, moon, and stars. 

Online, though? It's one big cluster of emotion and links to click. It is insanely overwhelming, and mama ain't got time or brain power for that. She has a teething baby who doesn't like to sleep on his own. The trouble with avoiding it completely, though, is that the loudest of the loudmouths continue to be heard. Of course I am guilty of the reactionary post and the linking of links. (See above reference to sleeplessness!) For this and all other sins against faith and reason I am truly sorry. Not only will I attempt to avoid what leads me to such sin, but I will now fight against it as well.

Facebook, oh ye temptress of rash judgement and emotional responses. Oh how you prey on the defenseless. Wait. What? I have control over that? Right. My bad. I do. And so do you. The truth is that media such as Facebook only provide a vehicle for our lazy thought and faux action. As with any vehicle, though, we can reroute the course and begin to shape a new narrative. 

There are serious issues facing our nation (and world) - some which are new given the tone of this administration, but most that are ongoing and will require complex solutions that do not play favorites to either side of the spectrum. I am tired of giving in to lazy thought and reactionary posts on my part. I want to feel truly informed again. I want to dive into what is actually being said and done (which is concerning enough), and prayerfully provide a forum for a discussion that re-humanizes the issues we face. Issues do not exist in theoretical isolation after all. They involve flesh and blood, real people with real stories. I want us to focus on these stories, the people, as we hash out the possible solutions (yes, solutions) to the quandaries of our time. I want this space to become a place where the bickering stops and the meaty conversations begin. I want us to leave our fears and biases at the door (and the foot of the cross), and come together to have the tough conversations, to learn, to seek and dream of answers that affirm life and joy, security and dignity. 

I will be the first to admit that I am tired and my resources of time and brain power are currently limited. There are others among you though, who work day in and day out with the populations that we are currently "discussing" and I beg you for your input. Whether it is regarding immigration, refugee care, health care, Planned Parenthood (for instance, someone just recently brought to my attention that there are some rural areas where other care is not readily accessible or known - how can we fix that?), abortion, sexuality, education, unemployment, government assistance, religious freedom, veteran affairs or [insert your own concern here], please - tell me your stories, inform me of the real realities. 

Just promise me this? Let's not pit one population against another. Let's work together to lift up all those in need and not make them fight for their sliver of care. For instance, let's not fall prey to the idea that harboring persecuted refugees is in competition with providing better care for our veterans. They are both noble and right. Can we be brave enough to look at how we might make some sacrifices to provide for both? 

If you are up for this kind of conversation and are willing to help me stay honest about staying informed of facts over frenzy, come! Please, come! Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and let's get started. There is much work to be done. In the words of St. Francis of Assisi, "let us begin again." And again. And again. And again. Let us keep beginning until we get it right.

Blessings,
Rakhi

*I am in no way belittling those who are pro-life, since I'm not into self-flagellation and all that. I know the majority of these warriors are good, giving people who defend the lives of all - the unborn, the migrant, the unlovable . . . ALL. However, I use quotation marks because I am not convinced that in the political arena the term is an honest one.

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3 Ways to Share the Wealth (and the Love!) This Advent

It's Giving Tuesday, so I thought I would pop in with a quick list of a few of my favorite organizations with which to share the wealth (and the love!).

MARY'S MANTLE - Local

Yes, I know. It seems a little self-serving since I work for the organization. However, let me tell you that the work this organization does and the service it provides is sorely lacking in our area. We house up to four homeless, pregnant mamas for up to a year while attempting to help them heal, know & grow closer to Christ, eliminate barriers to self-sufficiency, and learn to be Godly mothers. Four women. Four. Combine that with a couple other organizations who are engaged in similar work, and my guess is that there are a total of less than 20 beds/rooms for women who find themselves in such a situation. To give some perspective, one winter recently we received over 200 calls for placement. There is a great need that goes unmet. These are the least of these; these women are the face of Christ. Please consider adding Mary's Mantle to your Advent/Christmas giving, and to your prayers as well.

ST. JUDE'S CHILDREN'S RESEARCH HOSPITAL - National

As far as organizations go, this one is always near the top of my list. To know that there is an organization out there dedicated to conducting research and providing medical care for children free of charge to families does this mama's heart good. You can always give a donation in someone's name outright, but if you feel the need to have a little somethin' somethin' to give in addition, check out the St. Jude's gift shop. I won't lie - I kind of have my eye on the Polka Dot Mug though the last thing I need is another mug. I do love their dog and lady bug lunch bags for the kids, though! Plus, 100% of the profits go to the organization. 

CARITAS INTERNATIONALIS - International

"Caritas is the helping hand of the Church – reaching out to the poor, vulnerable and excluded, regardless of race or religion, to build a world based on justice and fraternal love." Though you won't see it broadcast on their homepage, so as not to take away from the multitude of needs across the globe, the Syrian humanitarian crisis is the largest emergency for Caritas. Even Pope Francis has mentioned the work they have been doing to care for the displaced within Syria as a means of building trust and peace. You can support their work throughout the world and learn more about their initiatives on their website. 

Giving Tuesday specifically focuses on monetary support, but there are always ways to support your favorite organizations beyond the dollars and cents. Coming slowly to the blog as the Year of Mercy begins, I will be highlighting different ways in which you and your families can begin to make the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy part of the fabric of your family life.

Until then, get out there and love 'em like Jesus!

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On the Disappearance of Joy & the Weight of Guilt

This usually full of opinions, loudmouth on screen has been unusually quiet as of late. It's been almost a month since my last post in fact. My apologies. While it is not unusual for the blog to go silent occasionally, this time around it has not been due to my terrible abilities to keep a journal going that dates as far back as the sixth grade. Dear Diary and I did not have a steady relationship, but we have overcome our differences. 

For those who have been following along on Facebook or Instagram, I have had a very rough first trimester. Beyond the physical toll of nausea and fatigue, this pregnancy has led me into a battle with some deeper emotional and spiritual demons. I haven't been able to pray - really pray - and while I'm not sure we could classify it as clinical depression, there have definitely been some very dark emotions clouding my senses. 

It is sadly not the tortured artist kind of battling of demons. There is nothing creative that has come out of those moments. I am so thankful for the prayers of those who have been holding me up through this time. There is no doubt that that God has been working through them to lift me up and out for air - whether a card or a text sent at just the right time, an encouraging word about my writing or art, or just a hello from an old friend. 

The only thing I can liken these last few weeks to is what it must have felt like to be tortured by dementors (of Harry Potter fame). It is as though any joy, any ability to feel, has been sucked out of me. While I am keenly aware of postpartum depression and its destructive forces, I've never experienced the effects on the antepartum side of things. I say the following with this caveat - we are happy to be having another child, even if we weren't quite expecting it. And yet...I cannot rejoice. It simply hasn't been in me. Instead, the voice of the enemy keeps screaming in the darkest places.

I am fairly certain that I am failing at all things motherhood and wifely. 
The house is a disaster.
I rarely cook homemade meals anymore.
I'm barely functional during the day and pretty much out of commission after dinner.
There is no desire for writing or creating - it seems pointless.
I have no desire to hold a conversation with most people. 
In fact, I'd rather just hole up somewhere and crawl under a blanket and thank you to leave me alone.
In the darkest moments, I am fairly certain that I am a waste of space.

As I spiral downward into these dark places, I am so thankful that over the last several years I have internalized the voice of the One who tells me the Truth about who I am. While the joy doesn't return, there is the knowledge that the above are all lies. All of it. Well, most of it. The house is a disaster and I rarely cook. I am barely functional. Ok, I know that last part about being a waste of space - I know that isn't true. In fact, I have a feeling this child will be another very important piece of my salvation story. Darkness doesn't fight when it's not threatened, right?

And still, when I remember that all of those feelings are lies, the guilt creeps in.
Guilt for not rejoicing over this new little life with all my heart when there are so many whose hearts continue to break under the weight of loss and infertility. 
Guilt for having thought we were done having children and being okay with that - good Catholics don't do that, right? 
Guilt for closing myself off to others so I can lick my own wounds (not literally, of course). 
Guilt over not being present enough when I am at home.
Guilt over not giving completely of myself when I am at work.
Guilt over having to work, but also over wanting to be home more.
Guilt for dreaming about future endeavors that aren't centered around my children.
Guilt for all the extra things the husband has had to do because I'm not functioning.
So much the weight of guilt.

The darkness of disappearing joy. The crushing weight of guilt. This is not the picture painted when you hear about motherhood and pregnancy. These are supposed to be months of joyous anticipation. What happens when those expectations don't materialize? More guilt. More darkness. More self-imposed isolation. Then there is the pressure of the public face. When people know you, and you are a live-out-loud Catholic, there is no room for doubt and darkness. Being open to life must be all joy all the time. It is exhausting.

I finally researched antepartum depression because I know what I am feeling isn't the same as my last two pregnancies, no matter how much the Hubs thinks it is. While the fatigue and nausea are a constant, the emotional turmoil is very different. In reading different articles and trying to assess whether this is just hormonal or something more serious, I realized that part of what I needed to do was to stop putting on a public face. Yes, I am a live-out-loud Catholic. Yes, I will happily accept the little lives God grants me. But. . . yes, there are struggles along the road to that acceptance.

I realized that I never admitted to myself that I really thought we were done having children. I've talked about my mixed emotions at finding out about our newest little one, but there was a great release when I finally today admitted that there was a large part of me that did not want to be pregnant again. Yet, I cannot wait to meet this little bundle of love. 

I've realized that I need to be more open about what I am feeling with my husband, my friends, and my doctor. So far, no one seems to think this is anything more than hormonal, and that is a little frustrating. I want to be sure we are watching for something deeper since this feels so much different. 

I am coming to realize that I also have to let go of the guilt and just muddle through this time as best as I can. No, I won't get it all right. Yes, I'm going to drop the ball on more than a few things most likely. I'll have to rely on the grace and forgiveness of friends and family. My hope is that we will all survive despite the failures. 

Finally, but most importantly, I have to keep my eye on Christ. One of my favorite things about Catholicism is that we have a whole army of warriors to help me through this, and a treasury of prayers that I can turn to when the prayer of my heart doesn't want to flow. The Sacraments feed my spirit when I feel distant from anything else. I am not alone in this battle, even when I forget to, or cannot, pray. I know I have a community lifting me up to the One who will pray through me and for me. 

Please don't think I write this post for sympathy or pity. Partially, it is an apology for not having kept up with the writing, and for dropping the ball if I had promised you a post on something. Partially, it is an invitation to a conversation about dropping the facade of perfection and being open about our struggles to live out our faith, even in moments that are supposed to be easy and happy. It is so hard as a faithful Catholic to admit the failures of our hearts and spirits as we do the work of accepting the will of God in our lives. 

Know that you are not alone. Know that you are loved. Know that there is no shame in admitting the struggle. The battle is real, and we cannot fight it alone. When my joy disappears, when my guilt begins to crush me, it is you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, whose prayers and love bring light back into my life. There is no shame, only love. 

Until next time, let's lift one another up out of darkness and into the light of Christ's love.

Blessings,

Rakhi

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Talking about Pink On This Feast of Michaelmas (Michael-what?)

"I began to be afraid you would never come back again. People did say you meant to quit the place entirely at Michaelmas; but, however, I hope it is not true. A great many changes have happened in the neighbourhood, since you went away. Miss Lucas is married and settled. And one of my own daughters. I suppose you have heard of it; indeed, you must have seen it in the papers. It was in The Times and The Courier, I know; though it was not put in as it ought to be. It was only said, 'Lately, George Wickham, Esq. to Miss Lydia Bennet,' without there being a syllable said of her father, or the place where she lived, or anything. It was my brother Gardiner's drawing up too, and I wonder how he came to make such an awkward business of it. Did you see it?"

Bingley replied that he did, and made his congratulations. Elizabeth dared not lift up her eyes. How Mr. Darcy looked, therefore, she could not tell.

Jane Austen, Pride & Prejudice 

 

How could I pass up starting a post with an excerpt from Pride & Prejudice? While so many of my friends are floored that this is not my number one favorite book of all time, it is definitely a staple of my reading (and re-reading) library! Additionally, it is perhaps the first time I was ever introduced to the feast of Michaelmas. 

Michael-what, you ask? Quite literally, the Mass of St. Michael. Or in the current calendar of the Church (liturgical calendar) the feast of the Archangels (Michael, Raphael, & Gabriel). We call on St. Michael in particular for protection against evil.

For more on what Michaelmas is, and how you can celebrate it in your home, visit Haley over at Carrots For Michaelmas (I mean it's right in her blog title, right?). 

What I find particularly interesting about this year's Michaelmas is that it falls squarely after the visit of Pope Francis in the United States, and on a day that Planned Parenthood has chosen to declare a "pink out day" in support of its organization. I don't normally write about the more controversial topics here, but I can't help but notice a rather ironic choice of dates. On the feast of St. Michael, who defends us against the devil, Planned Parenthood has chosen to hail their battle cry. 

If you have been under a rock or uninterested over the last several months, Planned Parenthood has been embroiled in controversy after a series of videos exposed some rather stomach turning practices by the clinics. Even if you believe that Planned Parenthood provides essential services, these video are hard to ignore. Yet, for many, that is exactly what they have been doing. Justifying. Calling into question the method of obtaining the video (which I'm not a fan of, admittedly). Dodging the real, essential issue. Are these babies actually babies? Should ANYONE be treated so callously or seen as a profit margin? What if they were puppies - would we be more outraged? Why not root out the evil so the good work can remain untainted?

I have to admit I did not fully watch the video. I cannot. My stomach and soul cannot handle it. I am not burying my head in the sand, however. They do exist, and the practices they expose if even half is true . . . the practices are evil. We must start to call a spade a spade, or what kind of world are we leaving for our children? 

On this Feast of Michaelmas, while much of the world will "pink out," I am thinking back to the words and actions of Pope Francis. While it is tempting to go into combat with Planned Parenthood, I wonder if instead our response shouldn't be to love more - to love better. In the end, this isn't just about abortion. It is about the value of life itself. No one is a commodity. No one is disposable, part or whole. No one.

So this Michaelmas, I invite St. Michael to do the dirty work, and I'm going to stick with the love. I say we stand for the dignity of ALL life - from conception until natural death - by our words, but more importantly, by our actions. Take a meal to the hungry. Help a young, pregnant woman find strength. Stop talking about others as though THEY are our enemy, regardless of their actions. 

Here is an image if you want to "Pink Up" in love. Let's show the world what we are FOR, instead of always barking about what we stand against. Love one another . . . all anothers. If this post angers you, are you open to a discussion? Please, don't just walk away - let's chat. Let us look at each other in love and get to the heart of our disagreement. Maybe we won't change each other's minds, but at least we can say we listened to each other, right? 

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SQT: Seven Lessons from Pope Francis

This is the All-Pope, All-the-Time week, right? There is a grand buzz throughout the land! Since landing in DC on Tuesday, we just can't get enough of him here. It seems the mainstream media cannot either. Nor celebrities. Once again, Catholics are crawling out of the woodwork. Now, not everyone is thrilled - there are of course those who get a little concerned that people are worshiping a man and not Jesus. Rest assured, ye who doth protest, we do not worship the Pope. Mark Hart explains why we even have a Pope here better than I can in this space. All I can do is assure you that the Pope leads me closer to Jesus, and that is a good thing.

While the pundits and politicians are spinning the message of the pontiff, here are seven lessons I have learned in just this very short time.

--- 1 ---

"Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well." Blessed Mother Teresa

If you've been around these parts, you know I love me some Mother Teresa. I don't think it is a stretch to say that the Pope is a fan too. While there is a lot of bellyaching on social media . . . well many media . . . about whether the Pope is Catholic enough, this right here is the lesson he is teaching us, I think. Speak tenderly to them . . .  Who looks upon the Holy Father and sees anything but joy, kindness, compassion, and love? (Ok, don't answer that.) I cannot look upon his face and see anything but that, even behind the seeming exhaustion of a grueling schedule on this trip. 

No, he didn't take his moment on the White House lawn to publicly reprimand President Obama. There is a great lesson in that discretion. He recognizes that there is a dignity inherent to every person, and ridicule and reprimand are not the way to uphold that. Speak tenderly to them, whoever they may be . . . 

--- 2 ---

"...you are asked to protect, by means of the law, the image and likeness fashioned by God on every human face." Pope Francis to the United States Congress

...the image and likeness fashioned by God on every human face. This is perhaps the great commission of Pope Francis - to see in one another the image and likeness of God. Too often we label one another based on assumption and our life's situations. It is time to throw the labels aside, and as Christian disciples, see through to the imprint of God on the person. Every person. Regardless of ability. Regardless of political inclinations. Regardless, really, even of threat. We as citizens of a nation should be working to protect that inherent dignity of all people. 

--- 3 ---

"But there is another temptation which we must especially guard against: the simplistic reductionism which sees only good or evil; or, if you will, the righteous and sinners." Pope Francis to the United States Congress

If we were to reduce our stories to read "righteous" or "sinners," I think it is safe to say that we would all be overflowing in the latter category. It is tempting to fall into the mindset of the older prodigal who, believing he has done everything the father has ever asked, is angry when the father welcomes with open arms his younger brother who has gone more than just a little bit astray. How is that fair? We must remember that God judges us by our own measure, and not in comparison to one another. Any movement toward the right path should be encouraged. We should be looking to help people along the journey to God rather than focusing on all the baggage that they may still be carrying with them. I should always rejoice when someone returns to God or turns toward Him in the slightest. 

--- 4 ---

"Politics is, instead, an expression of our compelling need to live as one, in order to build as one the greatest common good: that of a community which sacrifices particular interests in order to share, in justice and peace, its goods, its interests, its social life." Pope Francis to the United States Congress

Sacrifice. Ooof. Right. I don't get to have everything I desire (not need, desire) while others are in need. It is my duty as a citizen, and more so as a Christian disciple, to discipline myself against consumerism, against a privileged attitude, so others can also share in the wealth of this country. I'll tell you - as a lower-middle class family who struggles at times to make ends meet on our own, that's hard to swallow sometimes. However, we have the benefit of family and friends who help us along. We aren't entitled to work that lets us make more than we need. It would make us more comfortable, but it is not our right. God provides. He does. Sometimes, God provides through others' generosity. While there is definitely a difference of philosophy on how we provide for the common good (private action vs. social safety net), we must provide. We have to be willing to make sacrifices to provide for one another's needs.

--- 5 ---

"It is not about preaching complicated doctrines, but joyfully proclaiming Christ who died and rose for our sake. The “style” of our mission should make our hearers feel that the message we preach is meant “for us." Pope Francis to the US Bishops

The message of Christ is a message for everyone. If people feel excluded from the mercy and love of Christ, then we must examine how, or if, we are proclaiming it. I wrote some time ago about how we might make Catholicism more attractive. Pope Francis is living it! God help us, the world knows what the Church is against when it comes to today's cultural norms. They do. Really. It is time to start preaching a Gospel that invites people to see themselves as part of the integral life of the Church, regardless of their scars. It is time to invite people to open their hearts to a Church that proclaims Jesus as one who lifts burdens, not imposes them. 

--- 6 ---

"We must avoid the temptation to discard what seems troublesome." Pope Francis to the United States Congress

Have you seen the face of Francis? I don't have an image that I have permission to use. But seriously, have you seen his face when he greets the people on the street? He is beaming. He stops the motorcade to bless the disabled and he is pure joy looking on the face of children with special needs. He stops into the Little Sisters of the Poor (who are fighting a battle with the government on the contraception mandate) to show them he is with them. He is the face of love and joy to all, but especially to those who others may see as an inconvenience. Are we?

--- 7 ---

"If there are any among you who do not believe or cannot pray, I ask you to send good wishes my way." Pope Francis to the crowds outside the US Capitol

These words, this act by the Holy Father, struck me as the most profound moment of his trip thus far. The pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, is asking those who have no belief or disposition to pray, to lift up their hearts to him anyway. This certainly makes me take a second look at how I approach those who have little to no belief - or if I approach them at all. I delve more into the details of why over at CatholicMom.com on Monday, so stay tuned!

I can't wait to dig into the words of the Holy Father during the rest of his visit. Today's attempt at listening to the UN address was foiled by a restless toddler. He did really well for the Congressional address yesterday, but another morning was too much to ask . . . even with M&Ms!

What has been your experience of having the Pope in the United States?

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Pope Francis, Catholic Identity, Sex, Mercy & All The Things I Wish I Would Have Said

The Pope is one day away from landing in the United States, and Popemania is well afoot. From bobbleheads, to t-shirts, the merchandise is ready for the selling! While I'm not able to go, and my dread of large crowds is a big factor keeping me away, I am among the millions who are excited for this visit and eagerly anticipating what this beloved Pope will have to say.

Pope Francis has had an interesting effect on American Catholics. On the one hand, there are those who have been away from the Church but are returning (or contemplating a return) thanks to his candid style and mercy-focused message. On the other hand, more traditional Catholics fear that Pope Francis is throwing out the baby with the bathwater and risks compromising doctrine. In American Catholicism, you can scarce escape the influence of political partisanship, which leaves its mark on the faithful. "Conservative" Catholics are concerned about what they believe to be the socialist tendencies of the Pope. "Liberal" Catholics are eagerly hoping the Pope will roll back what they believe to be "repressive" doctrines, but are dismayed when the Pope curiously remains steadfastly Catholic.

Last week, thanks to a friend, I was invited to sit on a panel of local Catholics for a prime-time special being aired by our local NBC affiliate, WDIV Detroit, "Pope Francis: Calling On America." Devin Scillian (a news anchor) sat down with three others - Nalani Miller, Clark Durant, and Stephen Henderson - and me to discuss our views on Pope Francis, the impact he is having on American Catholicism, and what the impact of his visit may mean. (The show is available online in five installments here - I highly recommend checking it out. The panel is the 4th installment and linked above.)

L-R: Devin Scillian, Nalani Miller, myself, Clark Durant.
Not pictured: Stephen Henderson (he had to leave immediately after taping)

The whole experience was fantastic. My introverted self was beyond nervous that I didn't know the questions ahead of time, but I said a little prayer to the Holy Spirit and just let it fly. Devin Scillian did an excellent job of asking the required questions (do you want to see change in the Church, what about the teaching on birth control, etc.), but remaining perfectly respectful even amid clear disagreement. I can say from experience that not all journalists afford Catholics the same respect. I am deeply thankful for his professionalism and openness to hear the answers I had to give, even if they were not what he was expecting, particularly on birth control. It always comes down to sex in the end, doesn't it? ;) 

Naturally, ever since the taping, I have been replaying the questions in my head and thinking about the answers I could have and should have given. Having now seen the segment, I think I did okay, but I think I missed some key opportunities to share some beautiful truths about what Catholics believe and teach, even if the world would rather not hear it. Granted, I was one of four on a panel that had all of about 10 minutes, so I couldn't say it all.

First up, is being Catholic an all or nothing thing? Do you have to believe everything to call yourself Catholic?

To give a little context, this question was based on a conversation about the Archbishop's statement that those who advocate for positions contrary to Catholic doctrine should not receive communion. It is hard to go into the theology behind what we believe as Catholics about the Eucharist in 30 seconds, especially when the question didn't directly ask. Very quickly, we believe that the Eucharist is the real presence of Christ - body, blood, soul, and divinity. We believe that when we receive the Eucharist, we are by our action admitting our full union with Him and His Church. The response upon receiving is, "Amen" or "I believe." So, there is that.

Getting back to the "all or nothing question," I personally think the difference in identity comes from the disposition of our heart. There is a difference between saying "Jesus . . . Church . . . y'all crazy wrong, and I am going to believe what I want, how I want, when I want,"  and "Lord, I don't believe - help my unbelief." Both people disbelieve. Both are struggling through a teaching or doctrine. One gives God the assent to change their hearts. The other does not. At the end of the day, the answers lie with the person, God, and their confessors as to whether they were of clear conscience when they received Jesus in the Eucharist. We are none of us truly at a point where we give our all, so praise God for His mercy that He gives us infinite chances to try again. Being Catholic isn't an all or nothing thing as long as we are seeking the face of Christ and His mercy when we fall short.

Next up . . . birth control - part one. Could the Church do MORE good in poorer nations if we simply lifted the restriction on birth control? 

I was definitely taken aback by this question. What do you mean more good with birth control? The Catholic Church is the largest charitable organization in the world - we just don't really market it - but more good with birth control?? The simple answer is no, and I gave that for very good reason. However, there is a longer answer to this. The first part of that is that once again, we are boiling everything down to sex and the creation of children. Do we value money or children more? Do we view children as a blessing or a burden? In countries with high infant mortality rates, is having FEWER children a solution to their problems? In countries facing AIDS epidemics, is providing the means for a false sense of security the means to teaching responsibility?  Does rich America coming in to tell poor Africa that the answer is to stop having babies seem a little, I don't know...elitist and arrogant? Has having wide access to contraception helped our own poor? Leaving the philosophical issues behind, my friend Tara who served as a missionary in central America had this to say: 

In my experience living in the third world, most of the women don't want birth control. Then there's the logistics of even basic health care or clean water, access to clinics (many of our clinic patients walked for hours or days to reach us...) Oh, and teaching the women how to read their own fertility signs cost nothing, was not something they had to wash or store properly, and was something they didn't have to know how to read in order to manage.

I have heard similar stories out of India as well. Pope Francis goes so far as to call it "ideological colonization." 

"Gender ideologies from the wealthy Western world are being imposed on developing nations by tying them to foreign aid and education, in a form of “ideological colonization.”

Let's move on to birth control - part two. Rampant use objectifies, sure . . . but what about between married couples? 

My very short answer was that even in marriage, birth control threatens to become an impediment to the marriage. I so wish I would have kept talking so I could share why I believe that. I wish I could have said to Devin and whoever was watching, that the reason birth control becomes an impediment to marriage is because in marriage, I give myself wholly unto my spouse through God. Wholly. All of me. One flesh. Not 7/8. Not divorcing my fertility from the rest of me. When contraception enters into the equation, suddenly there is no longer one flesh, but a coming together of two partial people. When we stop our bodies from functioning as they should, we do not truthfully give ourselves to the other. 

This in no way means that all Catholic families are called to have a football team of children, as is the common stereotype. It simply means that we are called to never divorce the procreative (child making) aspect of sex with the unitive (the emotional, pleasurable part). El fin.

Let me be clear. I understand that I am in the minority, not only of the population, but also of the Catholic population. Every person and couple has to discern these things for themselves. My hope is simply that people will remain open to what God might have to say about it all, and not be blinded by societal norms. 

Last, but not least, let's talk about the "thou shalt not"s versus the "blessed are you"s. 

This little phrase popped into my head, and it has struck a chord with many friends who commented on the segment. Why is that? 

I was certainly not intending to say that the Commandments are not important. They were given out of love by God to his people to keep us out of harm's way. Just as we do with our own children, God gives His children boundaries to keep them safe. 

But. BUT...it seems like all the Catholic Church is known for these days are our boundaries. That breaks my heart. At its core, the Church is not about its rules and teachings. The Catholic Church is about sharing the real live person of Jesus Christ - His love, His mercy, His joy, His hope. If people can no longer see that, then we have to change our approach. We cannot simply keep doing what we are doing and say "they" just don't want to get it. As Nalani said on the segment, we have to open ourselves and take the message out to the people - not wait for them to come to us. 

This was the message of St. John Paul II who gave breath to the new evangelization. This was the message of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI who pleaded with us to share the Gospel (GOOD NEWS) in love. LOVE, not condemnation. This is now the call of Pope Francis. Stop debating. Stop talking. Start doing. Love one another. Lift up one another out of the depths of despair. The world is hurting. Give them Jesus so He can shoulder their burdens THROUGH YOU. Break out of your political mindsets and begin to try to think as Christ would have you think, not as any ideology would have you mimic. Stop making ideology an idol of itself. Stop making holiness an idol of itself. We are all sinners. Let's get ourselves to Christ - together. 

Thanks Vickie Figueroa for thinking of me and passing along my name to Channel 4, and thanks to the other panelists for a great conversation! Thank you, Ro Coppola and Devin Scillian and all the guys back in the production booth for letting me be a part of this special. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute, and yes - 11 minutes went by at very quickly!

Until next time, let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus!

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Sunday Scribblings {9.6.15} Be Strong

Here is this week's scribbling inspired by the first reading from Mass today.

Thus says the LORD:

Say to those whose hearts are frightened:

Be strong, fear not!

Here is your God,

he comes with vindication;

with divine recompense

he comes to save you.

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened,

the ears of the deaf be cleared;

then will the lame leap like a stag,

then the tongue of the mute will sing.

Streams will burst forth in the desert,

and rivers in the steppe.

The burning sands will become pools, 

and the thirsty ground, springs of water.

Isaiah 35:4-7A

Right click and save to download image.

When the going gets rough, as it surely will in these parts, remember - draw your strength from the Lord. If He turns sand into water for you, let me know!

Until next time, when I'll fill you in on the #arrividerci30s shenanigans.

Blessings,
Rakhi



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Children, Church, and Why It's Time to Bring Da Noise!

Taken from CatholicVote's Facebook Page.

I shared the image above this morning after seeing it on a friend's Facebook page last night. In case you can't read it, here is the text:

Relax! God put the wiggle in children, don't feel you have to suppress it in God's house! All are welcome! Sit toward the front where it is easier for your little ones to see and hear what's going on at the altar. They tire of seeing the backs of others' heads.

Quietly explain the parts of Mass and actions of the priest, altar servers, choir, etc. Sing the hymns, pray and voice the responses. Children learn liturgical behavior by copying you.  

If you have to leave Mass with your little one, feel free to do so, but please come back! Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me."

Remember, the way that we welcome children in church directly affects the way they respond to Church, to God, and to one another. Let them know that they are at home in this house of worship. 

Please let your child use the back of reverse side of this card to draw and doodle. 

TO THE MEMBERS OF OUR PARISH

The presence of children is a gift to the Church and they are a reminder that our parish is growing. Please welcome our children and give a smile of encouragement to their parents. 

How much would you breathe a sigh of relief if you found this as you corralled your children into a pew? This post definitely struck a nerve with fellow moms. While I'm no Kendra, Kelly, or Haley with hundreds of responses, I noticed an uptick of activity rather quickly this morning. It made me wonder if perhaps our churches are missing the mark on helping parents of young children feel welcome. I wondered if maybe the message that has been sent loud and clear on the whole (and of course this is a generalization) is that young families were welcome to worship, but only if they kept their kids under wraps. 

Even at welcoming parishes, I have often felt the glare of others as my children make more noise than what is expected. This is the number one reason I do not go to daily Mass. I miss out on the Eucharist during the week because I do not want to deal with people who think I should have to silence my toddler. I miss out because the thought of having to chase and silence him is so exhausting that it is just doesn't seem worth the effort. That is a failing on my part, but also a failing on the part of our churches, I think. When I think of worshiping with my family, the first thought that comes to mind should not be how much energy might it take to keep a three year old quiet. 

Another friend commented on my post that perhaps our trouble is that there is just a little too much of a Victorian remnant to our worship sensibilities. Children should be seen and not heard, right? Isn't that how so many of us feel at Mass? Yes! We want big families - but for God's sake keep 'em quiet! I retorted back to Amy, who I have known since my awkward teenage years incidentally, what a revolution it would be if instead our churches presented the norm of noise - healthy, reverent noise - as a sign of life-giving, life-sustaining worship. Noise which welcomes our young ones to be - wait for it - young and restless! (No, not like the soap opera!)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that while there is great value in silent prayer, silence is NOT always golden (or in some cases, it is golden like a calf - it becomes an idol in itself). What if silence was NOT the norm for communal worship? What if we raised our voices in praise? What if we allowed people to go off script every once in awhile to pray in the Spirit? What if we allowed our children to be children without removing them from the premises to be children at "children's church" as though there are two separate houses of worship?

This would definitely require a dramatic paradigm shift in our Catholic worship. It would be a shift that could take a whole generation, but what if that was our lasting legacy? A church who truly welcomes - noise, mess, stink, and all - those who come to its doors. Let's face it. If we take an honest look, while we have the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, people are not beating down our doors, especially young families. If they DO marry in the Church, where numbers are also declining, it is not a given that they will be back to establish themselves in a parish. (Don't even get me started on the obstacles we present to those seeking marriage in the Church. That's a post/rant for another day . . .)

Even for our family - a committed, worshiping family - parish life seems to be in existence around us. There is little outside of the school community that brings us together with other young families. Luckily we know some in our parish through our former ministries and our connection to the schools. Yet, at a stage of life where time is short and stress is high, perhaps this is one ministry where the church should not rely on a do-it-yourself model. 

Welcome. Engage. Affirm. Support. Feed (both the soul and the body!). Stick with us even when we aren't able to give back the way we should because we are exhausted from chasing midgets and working multiple jobs to pay the bills. If you get this right, I guarantee you will get a lot of the other ministries right too. 

While not every parish has the resources to create full-fledged ministries (meal ministries, mom's groups, dad's groups, play groups, prayer groups, etc.), the one thing we can do is be sure that when it comes time to sit at the banquet table of the Lord, even the wiggly food-throwers feel free to come join us, booster seats and all. If you feed us well now, we promise we will return the favor.

What do you think? Does Catholic worship have room for those who are a little noisy and perhaps rough around the edges? How does your parish welcome young families while keeping the Mass reverent for all to worship?

At the end of the day, let's remember that our job is to love 'em like Jesus, and He wasn't afraid of a little noise. 

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7 Valuable Reasons I Allow My Children to Suffer

Yup. I'm that mom. I'm the one that you will see equally hovering over her child at the playground and telling them to shake it off when they fall or a kid won't play with them (minus a Taylor Swift impression). To some, I seem callous and unaffected. 

Truth? If it is a situation that has been magnified in a child's head to be the end of the world when there is little connection to the reality that surrounds her, I probably am less affected.  If it is a situation where there is immediate hurt, all I want to do is take it away. (I had to refrain here from differentiating between "real" and "perceived" hurt, because perceived hurts can feel very real.)

Don't get me wrong. Even in those situations where drama is a major player, I will of course talk with them after the fact about their feelings and allow them to talk it out. At the end of the day, though, what I refuse to do is to play into an idea that my children should never have to feel suffering or pain. Keeping my children from experiencing any suffering, or from a Christian perspective, keeping them from the experience of the cross and crucifixion, denies them the opportunity to grow in so many ways. 

It may make me feel better to not take them to the emergency room or to not see them cry. At the end of the day, though, I am only delaying the inevitable consequence. They will fall. They will fail. They will experience suffering. There are so many things I want to teach my children. If I hold them back from learning how to function in a world where we will have troubles, there are essential lessons they will never learn. Here are just a few.

1) There are natural consequences to our actions - if you jump off the play bridge when I ask you not to, you will likely hurt yourself. Better now, when it's a scraped knee or twisted ankle than later when the stakes are higher and it is your life. I have come across so many young people in my work at the collegiate level who simply don't understand the concept, "You reap what you sow." Your actions have natural reactions. Basic law of physics. (I hope Sheldon Cooper would be proud.) You cannot run forever, and there will not always be someone there to bail you out when those consequences come knocking on your door. You must think your actions through before you jump in head first. 

2) The world is not fair, and people are not treated equally. Just because mom and dad always made sure you and the siblings had equal portions, an equal number of toys, matching pajamas, and presents for everyone at every occasion, does not mean that is how the world works. There are days when the world is not celebrating you. It's okay. Life goes on. You are still special and important even if no one is greeting you with fanfare. Know who you are and cling tight to that. Jesus is fair, and at the end of time, that will be the only important thing. 

3) It's our job to speak up for those who have no voice. Because the world is not fair, we have to use what God has given us to work for the other, not just for ourselves. Because you have suffered, you know what it feels like. Don't inflict that suffering on anyone else, and when the world does pound the "other" down, be their cheering section. You know who you are as a child of God. Remind the downtrodden to Whom they belong also. 

4) You won't always be the best at everything and that is a marvelous thing. Guess what? You're going to fail, and that will be a great teacher. We don't expect you to do everything better than everyone else. We do expect that you will give your very best effort, not because you get an award at the end of the day, but because it is the right thing to do. We hope that you will discover through your successes AND failures what you are good at, what you are passionate about, and then live your life in pursuit of your purpose which is rooted in God and live it with passion. 

5) Failure brings with it the opportunity to lift up another's talents. It is precisely when we discover that we stink at something that the door opens for someone else to help us in that area. When we stop competing with one another about trivial things over some misplaced notion that we must be a one-man band, we can bring people onto our team who can help us complete our masterpiece. We are stronger together, especially in the midst of suffering.

6) Suffering produces endurance. Endurance will be essential in making it through life with any shred of joy or dignity. There is great satisfaction in beginning again when we fail, or in succeeding after great effort. If we give up any time we encounter resistance or hardship, we may as well stay in bed. (And that would be a bad thing. Really.) Plus, there is St. Paul's discourse from Romans (one of my favorite Scriptures) which shows us how suffering leads us to hope: 

And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

7) Suffering unites us to Christ. At the end of the day, if we withhold suffering from our children, we deny them the experience of uniting themselves to Christ on the cross. Jesus tells us over and over that we must take up our cross and follow Him. This is no different for our children. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. I think it is important to allow children to feel that consolation after great heartache.  

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am in no way saying that we should inflict suffering upon our younglings. Not. One. Bit. Our every instinct leads us to want to minimize pain for them out of love, and that is as it should be. What I am asserting is that we should allow our children to experience the reality of the world, a natural part of which includes pain, suffering, failure, and loss. If we do not teach them to be gracious losers, resilient failures, and compassionate sufferers, we do them and the world no favors. How many more self-indulgent, entitled adults do we need? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say zero.

It's not just about ditching the participation trophies, though that's a good start. It is about something so much deeper that holds such greater importance. Follow Christ, my dears. You will fall. You will be pierced. You will suffer. I promise you . . . or rather Jesus promises you this in return: you will rise in His glory. So much better than a dusty, plastic trophy and no scars to show your kids when you're older. 

Until next time, let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus, even in the midst of suffering!

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In Search of Myself: Digging Up Roots

Posting has been slow here, and the writing has not been flowing. I have been distracted between the responsibilities of life and dreaming about the future. Every time I sit down to write, it seems something gets in the way. 

Kids need feeding.

Cat needs attention.

Meals need to be prepared.

Emails need to be answered.

Minds apparently need to wander.

Social media creeps into my writing time.

It seems like the days just blend together and I am getting nowhere. Having gone this way before, I know it isn't true. I know it is a mirage that makes me want to stick my head in the sand. CS Lewis said it best when he said, 

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, 

but when you look back, everything is different..."

While each day seems the same, struggling against the clock, my journey over the last couple of years has been anything but stagnant. God has been connecting me with some wonderful women over this time and nudging me to open myself to some new adventures. 

One leg of that adventure includes speaking about my conversion and my journey to/with Christ with a larger audience. I have always felt that my story was nothing special. At best it was a very long-winded and winding road. This is why I have particular difficulties in keeping those conversion story posts coming! Just this weekend, after I shared my story at auctioneer speeds so I didn't bore the world, I joked that I was still working on coming up with an elevator moment that more concisely encapsulated my experience. One young woman raised her hand, and with a giant smile on her face told me not to change a thing, but rather just to push all the buttons on the elevator because every bit of the story was beautiful and captivating. I'm going to work on believing that . . . and only telling my story in giant skyscrapers.

Another new opportunity that presented itself recently was the possibility of writing a book. After a very preliminary conversation and meeting with Heidi in acquisitions, we agreed that the timing isn't right and the story isn't ready. While there is a story there, it is still brewing. Her main advice was to seek out MY story - what is it about my unique blend of experiences and identities that make my story powerful for the glory of God?

As I struggled to answer that question, I left that conversation (and a few others recently) feeling  as though I wasn't Hindu enough to tell a good conversion story, that I'm not Indian enough to present a compelling story of transformation into something new. I just felt not enough, though I knew that wasn't what was being said. 

During that portion of the conversation, I did have an epiphany about my struggles in telling my story. Heidi helped me to reach a conclusion that I have been avoiding for many-a-moon. It is not that I am not Hindu enough or Indian enough. It is simply that in seeking to belong to the world I grew up in, I rejected both without ever claiming them. They made me stick out like a sore thumb, so I ignored them, buried them, and walked away. 

While finding Christ has helped me to understand my deepest identity in a powerful way, I have been holding back part of myself from the light of His transformation. I used to recoil at the word convert. Why? I didn't want to admit I once did not belong. I shy away from the description of myself as Indian-American. Why? In my head, I am simply a red-blooded American because I was born and raised here just like everyone else. 

That's the thing, though, isn't it? We are none of us "just like everyone else." God did not arbitrarily create me with an Indian ancestry to be born in the United States. There is purpose in that. God did not arbitrarily have me raised in a Hindu household only to feel like none of it fit. There is purpose in that. To discover that purpose, I now recognize I have to go back to the beginning. While I have run away from my Hindu and Indian roots, I am coming to realize that if I do not understand them, if I do not embrace them as part of my story, then I am not allowing God to use all of me for His purpose.

I feel more strongly than ever that there is a story to be told. Now I just have to hit pause and rewind to see where to begin. I hope you will be patient and take this journey with me. 

If there are pieces of my life and story that particularly intrigue you, please - ask! Your interest, your questions, your prodding may be just what it takes for me to keep on this path. Thank you for getting me here, and I hope you will walk with me in this next chapter!

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Sunday Family Rosary {08.09.15}

Every Sunday, our family offers your prayer intentions during our family Rosary. I can't say that it is always (or ever) an evening of quiet, meditative prayer with our young children, but I can say that we lift up your prayers with sincere hearts. 

It has been humbling to unite with you in prayer, to see how God is working in your lives. 

Please let us know how we can continue to pray for you during our rosaries and through your week.

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