A Little Announcement From a Pumpkin Patch

If you haven't already seen it on Facebook or Instagram, we will be adding another little set of hands and feet to pitter patter they way around these parts. 

Baby is due late May, so I am in the thick of the first trimester. Between a baby who is killing me softly during my prime writing hours, and suffering from Pope Francis withdrawal (or as Kate put it, PopePartumDepression), I am trying to get into a new rhythm of writing and creating. 

There is more to come. I promise. It may just come more slowly.

Until then, keep lovin' 'em like Jesus, friends!

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7 Valuable Reasons I Allow My Children to Suffer

Yup. I'm that mom. I'm the one that you will see equally hovering over her child at the playground and telling them to shake it off when they fall or a kid won't play with them (minus a Taylor Swift impression). To some, I seem callous and unaffected. 

Truth? If it is a situation that has been magnified in a child's head to be the end of the world when there is little connection to the reality that surrounds her, I probably am less affected.  If it is a situation where there is immediate hurt, all I want to do is take it away. (I had to refrain here from differentiating between "real" and "perceived" hurt, because perceived hurts can feel very real.)

Don't get me wrong. Even in those situations where drama is a major player, I will of course talk with them after the fact about their feelings and allow them to talk it out. At the end of the day, though, what I refuse to do is to play into an idea that my children should never have to feel suffering or pain. Keeping my children from experiencing any suffering, or from a Christian perspective, keeping them from the experience of the cross and crucifixion, denies them the opportunity to grow in so many ways. 

It may make me feel better to not take them to the emergency room or to not see them cry. At the end of the day, though, I am only delaying the inevitable consequence. They will fall. They will fail. They will experience suffering. There are so many things I want to teach my children. If I hold them back from learning how to function in a world where we will have troubles, there are essential lessons they will never learn. Here are just a few.

1) There are natural consequences to our actions - if you jump off the play bridge when I ask you not to, you will likely hurt yourself. Better now, when it's a scraped knee or twisted ankle than later when the stakes are higher and it is your life. I have come across so many young people in my work at the collegiate level who simply don't understand the concept, "You reap what you sow." Your actions have natural reactions. Basic law of physics. (I hope Sheldon Cooper would be proud.) You cannot run forever, and there will not always be someone there to bail you out when those consequences come knocking on your door. You must think your actions through before you jump in head first. 

2) The world is not fair, and people are not treated equally. Just because mom and dad always made sure you and the siblings had equal portions, an equal number of toys, matching pajamas, and presents for everyone at every occasion, does not mean that is how the world works. There are days when the world is not celebrating you. It's okay. Life goes on. You are still special and important even if no one is greeting you with fanfare. Know who you are and cling tight to that. Jesus is fair, and at the end of time, that will be the only important thing. 

3) It's our job to speak up for those who have no voice. Because the world is not fair, we have to use what God has given us to work for the other, not just for ourselves. Because you have suffered, you know what it feels like. Don't inflict that suffering on anyone else, and when the world does pound the "other" down, be their cheering section. You know who you are as a child of God. Remind the downtrodden to Whom they belong also. 

4) You won't always be the best at everything and that is a marvelous thing. Guess what? You're going to fail, and that will be a great teacher. We don't expect you to do everything better than everyone else. We do expect that you will give your very best effort, not because you get an award at the end of the day, but because it is the right thing to do. We hope that you will discover through your successes AND failures what you are good at, what you are passionate about, and then live your life in pursuit of your purpose which is rooted in God and live it with passion. 

5) Failure brings with it the opportunity to lift up another's talents. It is precisely when we discover that we stink at something that the door opens for someone else to help us in that area. When we stop competing with one another about trivial things over some misplaced notion that we must be a one-man band, we can bring people onto our team who can help us complete our masterpiece. We are stronger together, especially in the midst of suffering.

6) Suffering produces endurance. Endurance will be essential in making it through life with any shred of joy or dignity. There is great satisfaction in beginning again when we fail, or in succeeding after great effort. If we give up any time we encounter resistance or hardship, we may as well stay in bed. (And that would be a bad thing. Really.) Plus, there is St. Paul's discourse from Romans (one of my favorite Scriptures) which shows us how suffering leads us to hope: 

And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

7) Suffering unites us to Christ. At the end of the day, if we withhold suffering from our children, we deny them the experience of uniting themselves to Christ on the cross. Jesus tells us over and over that we must take up our cross and follow Him. This is no different for our children. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. I think it is important to allow children to feel that consolation after great heartache.  

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I am in no way saying that we should inflict suffering upon our younglings. Not. One. Bit. Our every instinct leads us to want to minimize pain for them out of love, and that is as it should be. What I am asserting is that we should allow our children to experience the reality of the world, a natural part of which includes pain, suffering, failure, and loss. If we do not teach them to be gracious losers, resilient failures, and compassionate sufferers, we do them and the world no favors. How many more self-indulgent, entitled adults do we need? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say zero.

It's not just about ditching the participation trophies, though that's a good start. It is about something so much deeper that holds such greater importance. Follow Christ, my dears. You will fall. You will be pierced. You will suffer. I promise you . . . or rather Jesus promises you this in return: you will rise in His glory. So much better than a dusty, plastic trophy and no scars to show your kids when you're older. 

Until next time, let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus, even in the midst of suffering!

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Of Kings and Babes and Mud and Straw

Happy Epiphany!! We've muddled through the twelve days of Christmas here, in which we hadn't much of a break between gatherings, going ons, and my work schedule. We are finally at Epiphany, and it dawns on me that in the hubbub of the holiday I didn't prepare for one of my favorite feast days. Christmas is great, but me, I like me a good Epiphany celebration. Epiphany is just such a vivid and raw event. A king of a babe in a manger, surrounded by mud and straw and animals and stench. Visitors from distant lands making their way to Him, furtively evading the one seeking to destroy this child. What it must have been like to stand anywhere near that blessed event. What it must have been to approach that child, the King of Kings. I love the lyrics of the Newsboys' song Adoration - it is such a vivid depiction of what it might have been like. "She (Mary) sees me shivering here, she smiles and with a nod, I walk through the mud and straw to the newborn Son of God."  I think I link to this every year, but it continues to be my favorite so here it is again!

I had grand plans for Epiphany...grand, I tell you! Alas, it wasn't to be. It doesn't help that my inexplicable (minus blaming scar tissue) stomach cramps came back in style in the wee hours of the morning and have only now subsided some seven hours later, despite medicine. Wait. There it is. There is my myrrh offering to Jesus - I brought the myrrh. Happy Epiphany!

Today was the first day of a new routine for 2015 with the school days. Gia only goes twice a week, but this semester the Hubs has changed his work schedule so he can take her in the mornings and I just have to pick her up. It's going to be a long semester for him, but it surely was a treat having home a little longer in the morning. Daddy's girl most definitely liked having daddy take her to school, but that tender-hearted little gem gave me a big hug and said I could take her again one day too so I shouldn't be sad. Perhaps she should have also explained this to her brother who was more than devastated not to leave with her. Tears, so many tears. (Not so many tears that a puzzle couldn't fix it.)

Preparing for a secret mission should he choose to accept it.

We had a slow morning playing with puzzles, listening to praise and worship, and I even got a few minutes in with my new devotional. This is unheard of in these parts. Unheard! So me, I'm thinking I will like this new routine. The Hubs...well, let's all say some prayers that he is given the grace of extra peace and serenity with the new schedule which is overly busy for him as he teaches six straight periods, takes a class of his own, and teaches a night class once a week. I hope the glee of his little girl will be consolation enough...

Speaking of my new devotional, a new year has also brought a new approach to prayer (again). I've seen over the years people "choose" a word for the year. I've never been drawn to that, as I rarely will make resolutions in the new year. It is fairly plain to me that I am always a work in progress. However, this year, the Lord placed a word on my heart, and a verse on my heart that keeps popping up over and over, so I cannot escape it. I have a word for the year, and it's a glamorous one.

Empty. 

That's right, empty.

It struck me as odd, because I have felt empty much of the last year, but it brought frustration and failing. Empty was negative. Nothing. Bare. Barren. Less than. Incomplete. Worthless. Meaningless. Incapable. Empty. 

Yet, when this word came into my heart and continued to reverberate within it, no sadness was attached. It was as though I had been holding my breath and could finally exhale. Empty. Pure. Simple. Holy. Potential. Peace. Serenity. Humble. Home. Receptacle for grace, blessing, light, joy... Open to abundance. Ready to overflow. 

The verse that keeps repeating along with that word are the words of St. John the Baptist. 

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30 

More of Him, less of me. Empty me. Fill me. By the day, the hour, the minute. Every second of every day, a greater desire to lay myself down at the foot of the cross and let his grace and mercy fill me. Leave resentment and complaints at his feet; let gratitude fill me. Leave my worries at his feet; let dreams fill my heart. Leave my ambition and selfishness at his feet; let His will consume me. Leave my fear and the past at his feet; let His promises fill me. 

It is fitting that one of the verses for reflection today in my devotional was John 10:10. "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (I prefer the NRSV translation here versus the NIV in my devotional.) Abundant life. The words evoke images of lush fields, great joy, raucous laughter...I cannot help but smile. And Jesus is here, always here offering this abundance to us. Every day, every moment, he is waiting to fill us, but we must be empty to be filled. I must be empty to be filled. 

And thus it is decreed: 2015 is the year of empty. Less of me, more of Him, as I continue in my journey to try to love more selflessly, serve more joyfully, and live more boldly.

May all His grace and mercy and every good thing be yours in this new year!

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SQT: On Children, Mary's Mantle, Beauty Experiments, & Not Alone

--- 1 ---

I started this post a little after 8. Here's how the hour before that went:

2 time outs
Several "I need juice"s
A smattering of "I need milk!"
2 "I NEED TO BRUSH MY TEETH"s
Multitudes of "I do it myself!"s
A handful of sad "I don't WANT to sit down"s from the sicky boy.

Welcome to a Friday morning at Casa McCormick!

--- 2 ---

In other news, our Li'l G is a schoolgirl AND she has a bestie already. After running into her bestie's parents at school yesterday, it seems the feeling is mutual. As the Hubs said, this could be a lifelong friendship in the making. How sweet is that to watch! Their topic of conversation yesterday? Toilet tales. Let's hope that's a phase, or the teenage years are shaping up to be highly awkward.

--- 3 ---

For those of you stopping by who don't know, my paid gig is a part-time stint as house manager at Mary's Mantle, a Catholic residential program for homeless, expectant mothers (read: maternity home). The women who come through our doors have stories that I cannot imagine living. Some are recovering addicts, some are recovering from the scars of past abortion, some have been prostitutes, some have been in pornography, some have been victims of domestic violence, many have extremely damaged relationships with their families, and all have been broken by abuse, whether emotional or physical. One thing I love about this ministry is that the majority of our budget is funded by small, individual donations. We take no money from the government and our grants are limited as we are committed to fidelity to church teachings. From $5 to $5000, individual donors are the lifeblood of keeping us afloat.

Every September, donors are invited to participate in our 30,000 in 30 Days campaign, which challenges us to find 1,000 people to donate just $30. I ask you to prayerfully consider making a small donation - the link can be found on the website, or a check can be mailed to Mary's Mantle (please note 30,000 in 30 Days in the memo) at PO Box 115; Bloomfield Hills, MI 48303. Even more importantly, I ask that you consider keeping our ministry and the women who come to us (and those who we cannot take) in your prayers. Thank you in advance!

--- 4 ---

With the crisper, cooler weather that has hit in the last day here in these parts, it is clear that autumn is on its way. It seems every purveyor of tasty treats has also predicted an early arrival of fall with the influx of pumpkin spice everything hitting the stores. This girl is not a fan. The hubs is, though. No one is perfect. *wink*

As autumn approaches, I'm also working on a few new pieces for the shop. If you follow the shop on Instagram, or the blog on Facebook, I am doing monthly giveaways of some rough sketches as well. I still have to figure out just how to promote everything, but baby steps, right?

--- 5 ---

With us in the thick of ToddlerTown, we are also in the thick of the older one goading the younger one into saying words that will get him in trouble. The word of choice right now is "stupid." The more he says it and gets reprimanded, the more the other one laughs. As we approach the risk of her permanently being banished to her bedroom, any thoughts on how to curb that little minx?

--- 6 ---

As I argued with my mom about what to get me for my birthday, which incidentally I hate precisely because of such arguments, I arrived at an option that was acceptable to us both. A salon day for haircuts for us together, and I decided to take the plunge for the first time and get highlights. It was a bit of a harrowing experience, mostly because the owner of the salon decided I would actually like lighter and brighter highlights than I said I did. "Subtle" did not have the same meaning for the two of us. I tried to politely say they were lighter and orange, when I had asked for darker and reddish, when what I really wanted to say was "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR - THIS LOOKS RIDICULOUS!" I refrained. We did finally arrive at an agreement that they would just do what I first had asked for and voila!

I'm not sure I'm in love, though. I think it may be a one-time deal. Turns out I kind of like my original, plain-old-boring color. Plus, I might be having PTSD and flashbacks to some rather questionable color-out-of-a-box experiences harkening back to my collegiate days. Let's just say a friend called me Barney for a while after a "rosewood" mishap.

--- 7 ---

Apparently, last Saturday was a gettin-your-hairs-did kind of day, as I discovered Heather and Jen's post-do photos on the old Insta. Speaking of Jen, if you don't follow her blog, you should head over there! I'm so proud (that sounds weird, doesn't it?) of the work she and Morgan have been doing with their Not Alone Series for single women.

I remember how hard that struggle was when I had discerned my vocation and was waiting for it to find its fulfillment in marriage. I'm so thankful that she and Morgan have found a way to encourage women in the single life, not as an until, but as an important part of their journey to, the altar. They are on CatholicTV today being interviewed about their work. Hooray for them!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

PS - If anyone local is looking for some newish, free toys this weekend, and you're not afraid to dumpster dive, there may be a purge going on at the Casa if mama hears "THAT TOY IS MINE, NOT YOURS!!!!" one more time. Time will only tell if I am serious.

PPS - This conversation just happened:

G: I'm never going to leave you!
Me: Really?
G: Mama, when I get BIGGER. I will live on my very own!!
Me: You will? You will leave me?!?
G: Don't worry. When I get bigger and live on my own, I will get you a NEW....BABYSITTER! I will get you a babysitter.

I'm so glad my daughter already has my old-age plans made. She's still only three...thoughtful girl. :)




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SQT: On Floods, Suffering, Surrender, Insanity, 6 Degrees of RobinWilliams and Songful Dreams

--- 1 ---

Did you hear we had a flood in Detroit? It's about all we can think about since we are still in the midst of cleaning out.

The clean-out has been exhausting, but it wasn't until we took the old infant carrier to the curb that I actually cried. Yes, I know we could never use it again anyway as it's likely about 8 years old since we were gifted it from a friend. It doesn't really matter. It was what carried my babies home from the hospital. Visions of my now-almost-in-school Gia at a few days old, dwarfed by the then-giant seat, memories of the drive home {especially hitting bumps and wincing in pain}, the first moment we brought her in the door and the panicked "what do we do now?" that fleeted through our minds. All of that came rushing back. And I might have cried a little. And that is okay. Goodbye little seat. Time really does fly.

--- 2 ---

One side effect of disaster, at least in our neck of the woods, has been that more people are out and about in the neighborhood. Sure, they're hauling their sewage drenched basements to the curb, or still pumping out water, but they're out there. And people are talking. And helping. It has cemented something I suspected all along. Suffering unites us in our humanity, and more deeply it unites with Christ who is the source of our truest humanity. In our suffering, God surprises us with His grace and glory, making good out of everything, even s%!# filled basements.

The surprise I came home to dropped off by a friend to help
sweeten the blow of the basement stank. Now she found
out they have a ton of mold in their basement. Prayers for them please!

--- 3 ---

I've also been thinking about what a difference a day can make... Sunday we were enjoying a tasty brunch and hanging out the kiddie pool, and Monday we had more water than we ever wanted in our basement.

--- 4 ---

Ok, enough about the water woes. Today we had a staff in-service and I was asked to find a prayer on surrender. There was a prayer of surrender to the Holy Spirit I was thinking of, but when I asked my pal Google to locate it, old Googs one-upped me and found me this prayer instead, which now is at the top of my list of favorite prayers. Given that today is the Feast of the Assumption, it seems fitting to share a prayer about total surrender of self, that we might offer our whole yes to the will of God as Mary did.

Dear Lord Jesus, it is my will to surrender to you everything that I am and everything that I am striving to be. I open the deepest recesses of my heart to you and invite your Holy Spirit to dwell inside of me. You are the salvation of my soul; I hold nothing back from you.

I offer you my mind, heart, body, soul, spirit, emotions, all my hopes, plans, and dreams. I surrender to you my past, present, and future problems, habits, character defects, attitudes, livelihood, resources, finances, occupation, skills, vocation, and business endeavors. I surrender everything unto your compassionate care. I give you my home, marriage, sexuality, relationships, friendships, and children. I surrender all my weaknesses, strengths, fears, and insecurities to you. In sickness and in health, in the good times and bad, I belong to you. Please transform my life into whatever most pleases you. Transform me into the child of God that you have intended me to be.

In your most holy name we pray. Amen. 

--- 5 ---

School starts soon for our first born. I got a letter from her pre-school about a new-family orientation. It begins. It was such a welcoming letter, and part of their welcome to new families is to pair them with an established school family for the year to ease the transition. What a lovely idea and great way to build community. I might have come close to shedding a tear. It's been an emotional week.

--- 6 ---

Once I got my head above water from all the muck in the basement (hahahah, head above water...get it?), I was pulled right back under with all the chaos on my newsfeed. What the what is going on with the world? I don't honestly even have words for what is going on in Ferguson, MO, or in response to the Walmart shooting. I really don't right now, but thanks to a friend I did read a post by someone who I feel nailed every issue right smack on the head.

--- 7 ---

Of course, then every two seconds we hear about Robin Williams' suicide. How very truly tragic. What saddens me the most is how surprised everyone seems to be that someone who was a comic by trade and brought such joy could be so very distraught himself. It saddens me that we have become so focused on the surface that we forget how deeply the waters of our spirit run within, sometimes in quiet turmoil. I won't even get into my disappointment with the judgement running rampant on every angle of his death. A man has died - this is not a story, this is not a cause, this is a man who brought joy to those around him but deeply suffered. A man. With a family. With friends. With a kind heart. Yeah, those stories are making me cry. While I never knew him myself, I will throw one more log on the fire that was the generous spirit of the man.

My Godbrother was an actor (sometimes struggling) in Cali in the late 80s/early 90s. He happened to get a role as an extra on the set of Hook back in the day. We tend to think of extras as just faces in the crowd, blending in, going unseen. Somehow, Stevie met Robin, and made enough of an impression that Mr. Williams remembered him a few years later when he passed from AIDS related complications. I don't remember all the details, whether he attended the funeral or just sent a long note to the family, but I remember my Godmother was so very touched that he had remembered her son. He spoke of Steve's spirit, his soul, his kindness, his beauty as a fellow human being that he'd had the privilege of coming across. Stevie was an extra, and Mr. Robin Williams, a lead actor, knew enough of him to know he had passed and know how to contact his family. He took the time to offer his condolences. This was the spirit of the man who was tormented by his own demons. I hope, as his spirit and legacy is remembered, that the generosity of his spirit will set an example for others who achieve the same success. For Mr. Williams, it seems that people were just people...and by that I don't mean "just" in a diminutive sense. Rather, it seems that his legacy is one that shows us how it looks when a man, regardless of his stature, views all people with the dignity they deserve. That loss is a great one in our world today. May God grant him mercy and eternal rest, and may perpetual light shine upon him.

EXTRA (because why end on sorrowful note when you can end with joy?):

I have this great dream. It will likely NEVER come to fruition, and may be not the most reverent of dreams. Yet...I have this dream. One day, I will be at a Mass honoring Mary, and THIS will the version of Salve Regina that is sung. If we are honest, it's the version that's in my head no matter which rendition is sung, however slowly. You know what this is. You do. Now sing to the rafters, clap those hands, and hit it, girls!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

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Enough Already!!

Oh, how many times have I heard those words escaping my lips with two boisterous toddlers and chatty cats (no, really, the cats are chatty) in the house. It seems that there are days that the noise and chatter begin with the rising of the sun and end with, well, maybe never between crying children and cats that have lost their minds at night. 

We are instilling great table manners in our children. What?

I've shared before the struggle of embracing all the chaos as a normal part of life as I know it now. Leaning toward the "P" of the Myers-Briggs, I crave a little structure, even if I'm not an expert at carrying it out. The Hubs will tell you that my first instinct is to recoil when plans change, though I hope he would also say I am getting better at taking a deep breath and then assessing whether it truly is, in fact, going to be the end of the world. Better, not perfect. 

This is what it looks like when your son licks the ranch
dressing off his plate. 

Add to this chaos two toddlers now in the thick of the "do it myself!" phase and one beginning the equally fascinating and exasperating "why?" and "what's that?" phase, "enough already" has the dangerous potential to become a new mantra. Mamas who are now beyond this stage remind me that I will miss it. Looking at life from afar, this period of curiosity and fierce independence is fascinating. It is beautiful to watch them discover new skills and begin to make sense of the world around them. Sadly, it seems they want to develop some of those skills as we are rushing out the door after yet another run to the bathroom. Deep breath. Not the end of the world. People will live if we are late.

We were fortunate to attend a retreat/gathering this weekend. As part of the weekend, one of the workshops really emphasized the importance of being present in the moment, not always looking ahead to what is next or holding on to what was. While we were talking about walking with people on their spiritual journeys, the whole concept hit home for me in terms of my vocation. I really loved what I did before I was married and had children. Until now, while I am so thankful for the blessings of marriage and motherhood, there was a part of me that subconsciously was still trying to live a little bit in that world. To be clear, it wasn't that I was holding on to the single life, but rather the different roles and activities I was involved in. I've always been a "do-er." I'm a forced extrovert, but a social butterfly. This new vocation has curbed those tendencies in a significant way.

While I was praying about needing to be more present and not just counting the minutes to naptime, which will be gone far too quickly, it hit me like a giant flash of lighting. "Enough already!!" No longer in an exasperated tone, but in a grateful spirit, enough already. I have enough already. What I have here and now is enough for me. I don't long for what I once had. While I look forward to the future, I don't sit and long for a different phase of life. What God has given me today is enough for me. What He is calling me to today is important and deserves my full attention. The role I have in mothering my children when I am home, in ministering when I am at work, in being dutiful and loving to my mother, in loving and supporting my husband - each of those moments in and of themselves is enough because they are all done for His glory, not mine. 

Sure, the moments of exasperated sighs will likely still escape my lips because, well, I'm an impatient work in progress. Yes, there will be times when I still wonder what else I might be called to do. However, I do hope that in reflection I will be faster to recognize the beauty of what I am called to do and who I am called to be in every present moment, to recognize the hand of God at work in that very moment and how He is leading me. I hope that I can appreciate the struggle in the "now" and not glamorize the memories of the past and the potential of the future. The past once led me to tears, and the future ... well, who knows if we have tomorrow at all? 

Carpe Diem, O Captain, My Captain!

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7QTs on Moving, Roads, Strong Wills, and Love Love Love

Time again for another Quick Takes! I've been taking a bit of a break from the creative life while we are getting mom settled in. The huge "let's get this done NOW" side of me takes over and I get focused on the list of things to do with the new house, and it seems, I cannot multitask indefinitely. Apparently rather than rolling with it and documenting the whole process, I turn into a huge roll and curl up in the fetal position trying to stay awake while my eyelids remain uncooperative and all of a sudden I'm losing matches of QuizUp because we skipped from Round 1 to 5 in the matter of seconds where my eyelids failed me. It's a hard knock life. 

I'll be back, though. You'll see. For now, here is a snippet of life at Casa McCormick and the many thoughts that have been fleetingly floating through my cerebral tissue.

--- 1 ---

I need to be a more patient driver. I understand this. In making this statement, I do wonder if every road within a 20 mile radius from us needs to be under construction at the same time, however. Is it really necessary to try my patience in order for me to acquire some? Really? God - got any good ones here? I won't be applauding orange as the new black any time soon unless it means completely new roads and not a blacktop mess.

--- 2 ---

Which leads me to this gem of a reflection, otherwise known as airing a pet peeve. I really, truly hate when people refer to our roads, however decrepit, as war zones. I have a feeling people in war zones would disagree. A lot. I understand that the roads look like something resembling a gravelly patchwork quilt sewn together by a three year old and the potholes resemble craters, but hey - no bombs or mines, right? So there is that.

--- 3 ---

This three year old is giving me a run for my money. Strong willed daughter, meet strong willed crabby sleep/caffeine-deprived mom. It ain't gonna be pretty. It's a good thing you're pretty cute. And funny. Here was our morning exchange as I left for work:

Me: Bye sugar pie! I love you baby girl!
Her: Yeah, ok. Bye!

Yup, the stuff of best-selling mom/daughter memoirs, and you saw it here first, folks!

--- 4 ---

Going further into the "it ain't gonna be pretty" sentiment, any suggestions on keeping your cool when you are exhausted (physically AND emotionally)? I'm thinking of checking out Parenting With Grace by the Popcaks and Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel (which I started to read when I worked at the bookstore, but never finished or purchased). Any other recommendations? I know beefing up the prayer routine morning, noon and night will help too. I'd rather have more moments of laughter and fewer moments of exasperation (which I realize may be completely a necessary attitude adjustment on my part, but I might need help getting there). I want to remember this time not only for its trials, but its joys, which are aplenty but sometimes get lost in the midst of battle.

--- 5 ---

There is SO MUCH to do when you move! Just to be clear, we aren't moving anywhere. My mom moved here last weekend, and we are in the midst of settling in. The movers have come and gone, we've bought appliances, hooked up utilities, and yet there is still a long list of things to do. LONG. LIST. Also, it feels like she has already been here a month, but it's not even a week. That's not a bad thing, just seems like we've been running longer than a few days. I guess throwing our work schedules and Mother's Day in there adds to the activity. I am very glad she is here, but will be even more glad once things have completely settled down (and by completely, clearly I mean mostly).

--- 6 ---

Last weekend we had our True Beauty Breakfast, which is an annual fundraiser for Mary's Mantle, where I work. It is always a beautiful event, hosted at such a lovely venue. Wouldn't you know after the closing neighboring Hades the night before, I left my camera at home.

One of our women gave her testimony, sharing how her mother had pressured her into aborting her child a few years ago (this isn't a unique story), and the pain and struggle that ensued afterward...oh, and that she pressured her again with this last pregnancy, which is when she ended up with us and a beautiful child. Y'all - I just don't get it. The one part of the job I will never get used to (which is likely a good thing), is hearing over and over that mothers will not allow their daughters to live with them if they choose to keep their babies.

I understand that there are situations where treatment facilities are a better option if your child has issues beyond your ability to help them. 99% of these women do not fit that bill. I cannot imagine a day my daughter comes home and says to me she is facing an unplanned pregnancy that I would boot her our of our home. If anything, she will need more of my love and support, no matter how disappointed I might be in the decisions she made to get herself into the situation. I.cannot.imagine. Yet I hear that story over and over and over and over (sometimes from mothers who profess a faith in Christ!) and it makes me cry every.damn.time. I'm tearing up right now writing it. How have we gotten so far off track in our families? I just cannot fathom it. Thank the good sweet baby Jesus that He didn't hold us to the same standards or my butt would be T-O-A-S-T toast! I am so privileged to be able to work in this ministry, despite the bad days and the struggles that come along with it. We have so much work to do, though. So much work.

Whoa nelly, I got on a bit of a roll there, sorry. What I really meant to say was that I ran into my bestie-seester which was a complete surprise, and it was awesome. There are some people in our lives that God sends us to smooth the roughness, and she is one of those peoples for me. You know those friends who by just seeing them you feel your whole body relax and your Spirit lift? Yeah, one of them. It was awesome, and perfectly timed. Thankful for her and my other sisters in Christ who help my spirit be at ease. X to the O to all of you!

--- 7 ---

Speaking of Mother's Day way up in the previous takes, the Hubs went and got creative! He made me a ticket book with things I can redeem like an afternoon away, back rubs (already cashed that puppy in), foot rubs, yada yada yada. Love. He's kinda the best. Even the goofy childlike part of him that went to see Godzilla at a special "see-it-before-it-opens-for-real" screening last night at 10 p.m. (that's like his midnight, which incidentally what he was originally going to do) and texts me that he is tired now. This monster-loving gent is all mine, ladies, all mine!

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SQT: Cross-Country Moves, Mother's Day, Silence, Butterflies & BookReleases

It's a hurried day, so here are some takes true to their quick name!

--- 1 ---

Tomorrow, y'all. Tomorrow. After years of our hinting not even the least bit subtly, my mom is finally making the move to be with us. She flies in tomorrow while most of her earthly possessions take a cross-country road trip. Prayers for the move and for the years afterward all appreciated!

{Imagine photo of sold sign at the new house here. Imagine long enough and the picture might just appear post-closing!}

--- 2 ---

This kid looks so OLD! She's only three - why does she look like she rules the school??? My heart, this one.

This boy is the stinking sweetest boy that ever lived. Ever. Your arguments in opposition are invalid. I can't even be mad at him when he gets up in the middle of the night - he snuggles up close and says ever so sweetly, "hi!" Ok, I suppose I can get a little irritated when he pulls what little is left of my hair...but not much.

--- 3 ---

The husband is grounded. I am trying to plan ways to rid our house of things (like the piles in the basement), and he brings home this "for the boy." Because some guy was stalking him waiting to buy it if he didn't. He is grounded, and cleaning out the basement over Memorial Day. He has been so notified.

"More than THREE FEET long" Really?

--- 4 ---

In an odd turn of events, I cannot think of ONE THING that I want for Mother's Day. The one gift I asked for I was informed would be inappropriate for the day. Nothing tawdry, you crazy kids - I wanted one day of alone time. One full day and night of alone, quiet time. QUIET TIME. Apparently it is not appropriate to ask to be alone on Mother's Day. My bad - I didn't mean it had to be that day.

--- 5 ---

This leads me to think I should check out a silent retreat this summer. And go to Mass more often if I can. Well, that last part was from my morning prayer. I was seeking peace and opened the Gospel for today, and Jesus told me that whoever wants life within them will eat and drink of Him. I'd better to eating and drinking more of that and less fearing Mass with both toddlers in tow. I can do anything through Christ, right? RIGHT??

--- 6 ---

I've mentioned on a few previous occasions that I was toying with opening some type of shop, and I think I am finally ready to take the plunge. Over the last month, I have really enjoyed the sketching and lettering I've been doing, so now I have a handful of sketches to ink and put up for sale. It's not a huge investment and I will see where it goes, but there sure are a lot of pretty little butterflies flying around my stomach. A huge thanks to all the lovely ladies who were so supportive when I made the announcement on Instagram - it was just what I needed to take the last step off the edge and jump in. So...coming soon...

(Rakstar Designs is the name I've used for my photography for a few years)

--- 7 ---

Seriously, everyone is reading it!

So, has anyone heard of this new book that came out? I think it is called Something Other Than God. I think it might have some connection to Conversion Diary...that's the rumor at least... Ohhhh, right! It's her book - it's finally here! I devoured every word in less than one day. That is saying something for someone whose reading capacity is at a measly page or two given her current brain function (that's me). I laughed, I cried, I hid under the covers with my phone's flashlight to finish the last chapters as the clock struck midnight. Now I am just trying to put into words the many ways in which it impacted me in such a short time. It was definitely worth the wait, but now I want to know who will play Jennifer in the movie!


And...I'm off to power-of-attorney this closing for my mom's house. Power ain't what it's cracked up to be, let me tell you! I'm ready to hand those reins back on over to her. Tomorrow. Blessed tomorrow!

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The Joy of Saying Yes

With two toddlers at home, days can quickly begin to feel like I have my voice on repeat with the word no. Even a creative no is still a no. So when I get the chance to say yes, it is invigorating, not only for me, but the kids as well. The looks on their faces is usually stunned wonder. It makes me think I don't create opportunities to say yes as we go about our day. Then I realize I'm dealing with two toddlers so even if I did, I'd probably still the have the needle stuck on the record of "no." It's just where we are.

As I was looking at the glee on Gia's face when I said yes to something (I can't even recall what now), I wondered if perhaps this wasn't a lesson in faith also, especially for us as Catholics. So often all we hear about Catholics is what we do NOT believe, what we do NOT support. I can see why people begin to think of the church as a big old bully waving a ruler around. If that was the Church I had encountered when I was searching for home, I certainly wouldn't have jumped in . . . or dipped my toe in the water!

It's also easy to understand why as a Church we feel the need to explain what we do not support. It seems the catapults are hurling those fireballs at us at record pace, and we've got to duck, cover, and put up our shields. The trouble is that it puts us in a defensive posture, when really we should be waving our hands and getting up on our pedestals megaphone in hand yelling, "You've got it all wrong!" We have to stop fearing those fireballs and lift our faces up to proclaim victory, the victory of Christ. 

What is it that we DO believe? Why do we take the assaults the world throws our way and never back down in surrender? It's not because we have a great list of "thou shalt nots," after all, is it? What is it that we are saying "yes" to that makes the "no" seem insignificant? Who are we saying yes to that is so great that we stay put even in the midst of a seemingly losing battle? 

Scripture gives us some great answers as to what it is that we are saying yes to. We say yes to

• abundant life (John 10:10), 
• a Light that darkness cannot overcome (John 1:5),
• hope which does not disappoint (Romans 5:5), 
• the love of God no power of this world can take away (Romans 9:38-39), 
• hope of a time when all suffering will be wiped away (Revelation 21:1-5). 

We say yes to the promise of a life with Jesus. We say yes to healing, to eternal life, to a peace nothing in this world can bring us, to strength in suffering that is not born of ourselves, we say yes to having the power of God dwell within us, we say yes to sacrificial love, we say yes to admitting we fail continuously, we say yes to rising from the ashes of many-an-epic faceplant with the mercy and grace of God. We say yes to so much more. 

Jesus has some HARD teachings, that is for certain. You can't take the good and leave the hard behind as some would try. The world needs to hear our YES first though. The hard teachings cannot come first. The hard teachings are meaningless without that first yes, without our continual yes to grace, to mercy, to the love of Christ. If we are not awash in that light, all we see is the darkness of a no, not the freedom of a loving Savior keeping us from harm because of His great love. The world needs to hear what we do believe of the person of Jesus Christ before they will ever be open to the what of following Christ. 

The world needs to hear why we stand behind what seems an outmoded set of principles. They need to know we don't worship a set of principles at all, but a real, living person whom we love and who loves us. They need to know that what Jesus promises, what Jesus has done and continues to do, makes it worth battling out the hard teachings for our years in this world. We have to lead the world to experience the love and mercy of Christ, so they can hear His loving "yes" to them.  

This Easter, let's be bold about sharing what we DO believe, who we DO love. As I've said before, let's reclaim the conversation and frame it as a labor of love and mercy, the divine Love and Mercy of Jesus. It becomes an entirely different story when we start with an unexpected "YES."

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You'll Never Be Ready for Children

If you missed it, I wrote earlier this week on the concept (and misconceptions) of being "open to life." It seems only fair to write a little bit about the other side of the coin. There are, quite admittedly, those couples who put off having children until life calms down, until they are ready or the time is right. I hate to tell them this - there is no right time (in general) and you are never going to be ready for children.

I used to think I would rock the mom gig, and well, we all know how much of a hot mess I am many days. I had little understanding that nurturing little minions would not the be same as simply being a nurturing friend, relative, person. Sure, I could pack a mean picnic lunch and hold your hair back when you were sick, but that gig isn't even close to the all-day-every-day gig of nurturing new life throughout the years.

We simply are never ready to have another life take control of ours. As much as marriage has been an exercise in dying to self and thinking of the other (and you know how much I love exercise), having children magnifies that a thousand fold. While we might think we are one day ready for children, whether we jump right in or wait until the "time is right," children will always throw us off our game. Here's why:

• Children draw us out of ourselves. We no longer live for ourselves, and there are live, noisy little people constantly reminding us of this. 

• Children call us to break our selfish natures. Want a hot meal? Not with little children! Even if it is hot when you sit down, their needs will always come first, be it more to drink, more dressing, less bread...and so it goes with everything. Sure, we have to guard the self, since without a healthy self there is no self-giving, but the inherent nature of children is constructed to break our self-centered patterns. It is a divine design to help us get to heaven.

• Children are often inconvenient and needy. I love my children, but they sure do cramp my social life. I can't run out the door at a moment's notice. Heck, we can barely make it out the door in less than 20 minutes at all! They make a go-go-go lifestyle rather impossible if you are actually focusing on what is healthy and good for them. Could you always take them on the run? Sure. Is that the best thing for them? Nope. Besides, even on the run, they will undoubtedly need you to take them to the bathroom, feed them, tie their shoes, find their lost mittens, etc. etc. etc. 

• Children challenge us in every way possible. It's no wonder my sanity is sometimes holding on by a thread. Not only do they challenge me to die to my own self interest, they challenge the way I think about things, do things, and love things. Their growing pains become my motherhood pains. Teething, tantrums, potty training - all things that are perfect and natural and good. They are also all things that try our patience (well, mine anyway). 

• Children often force us to choose. As we begin to create a new life that embraces parenthood, we are forced to choose between our old ways and new ones. Date nights have to be planned with excruciating detail - no more spur of the moment movies and dinners! Our old habits and routines have to be amended and often thrown out as we discover new patterns that incorporate our children. Their routines are our routines. Afternoon tea, gym or shopping? Not the slightest chance in hell if we can avoid it - it's naptime!

• Children make us realize we don't know it all...and sometimes make us question whether we know anything! With all the information and decisions you get inundated with as parents, sometimes it seems as though you've been thrown overboard without a life-vest and left fending for yourself amidst murky waters. No matter how much you read up, they'll throw something new at you in record speed.

Sounds delightful, no? If you focus on the ways you will never be ready, though, you miss out on what a blessing that very notion is. It is such.a.blessing...albeit sometimes a painful one.

• Children reveal a strength in yourself that you may never have known. There are so many times the lazy-crazy woman in me wants to throw in the towel. These kids...these KIDS! They make me want to climb back down the crazy wall and keep on fighting because I don't want to miss out on one single moment of their life. Those days I wish the fight was over? Those are the nights I pray hardest that the Lord would give me the gift of letting me watch my children grow old and blossom. 

• Children give you new eyes of unabashed joy. Life can be hard, and sometimes the gig of adulthood dulls our senses. These little minions bring you right back to a sense of wonder. Every moment is a new discovery, a new thrill, a new excitement - even if they've done the same thing repeatedly. It is always a *gasp* "SEE?!?" Yes, I do see, and I pray I might have an ounce of that joy and enthusiasm on a regular basis.

• Children show us intimately the love God has for us. There used to be moments when Li'l G was still a baby that I would go into her room when she woke at night and rock her. She would have a way of taking my arm and gently stroking it that would always send shivers down my spine...not because it was creepy, but because in that moment, I knew I felt a divine hand on my arm. God sends us His intense love for us in the disguise of our children.

• Children lead us to holiness and greater love. Sure - it is a lot of work for some of us. All good things require some work. Our babes are a reminder to us of how we are working out our salvation, what areas we need to work on, and if we look closely, a guide on how to get there. They give us the ability every day to grow in the love we show them in the little things we do. They offer us a chance to let go of our past life, to let go of any resentment that we no longer possess that life, and to grow in our joy and love of the life God offers us now. They are our ticket to heaven in the sweetest of ways.

• Children make us better people in that quest, but...they love us now. How many times have I acted in a way that I regretted, only to have a little person bounding right up to me for hugs and kisses. Could we all "be better"? Absolutely. Do many of us need to work on letting ourselves be loved as we are? I think if we are honest, the answer is a resounding "yes!" and not just for the women in the room. Children are a gateway to the self-acceptance that can lead us to the humility we need to grow in virtue. 

The moral of the story is this - later isn't always better. While there are many reasons as I alluded to in the previous post for delaying a growing family, waiting to be perfect and ready is pure deception because it is the ever elusive quest. You will never be ready, and it is a glorious thing!

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