The Joy of Saying Yes

With two toddlers at home, days can quickly begin to feel like I have my voice on repeat with the word no. Even a creative no is still a no. So when I get the chance to say yes, it is invigorating, not only for me, but the kids as well. The looks on their faces is usually stunned wonder. It makes me think I don't create opportunities to say yes as we go about our day. Then I realize I'm dealing with two toddlers so even if I did, I'd probably still the have the needle stuck on the record of "no." It's just where we are.

As I was looking at the glee on Gia's face when I said yes to something (I can't even recall what now), I wondered if perhaps this wasn't a lesson in faith also, especially for us as Catholics. So often all we hear about Catholics is what we do NOT believe, what we do NOT support. I can see why people begin to think of the church as a big old bully waving a ruler around. If that was the Church I had encountered when I was searching for home, I certainly wouldn't have jumped in . . . or dipped my toe in the water!

It's also easy to understand why as a Church we feel the need to explain what we do not support. It seems the catapults are hurling those fireballs at us at record pace, and we've got to duck, cover, and put up our shields. The trouble is that it puts us in a defensive posture, when really we should be waving our hands and getting up on our pedestals megaphone in hand yelling, "You've got it all wrong!" We have to stop fearing those fireballs and lift our faces up to proclaim victory, the victory of Christ. 

What is it that we DO believe? Why do we take the assaults the world throws our way and never back down in surrender? It's not because we have a great list of "thou shalt nots," after all, is it? What is it that we are saying "yes" to that makes the "no" seem insignificant? Who are we saying yes to that is so great that we stay put even in the midst of a seemingly losing battle? 

Scripture gives us some great answers as to what it is that we are saying yes to. We say yes to

• abundant life (John 10:10), 
• a Light that darkness cannot overcome (John 1:5),
• hope which does not disappoint (Romans 5:5), 
• the love of God no power of this world can take away (Romans 9:38-39), 
• hope of a time when all suffering will be wiped away (Revelation 21:1-5). 

We say yes to the promise of a life with Jesus. We say yes to healing, to eternal life, to a peace nothing in this world can bring us, to strength in suffering that is not born of ourselves, we say yes to having the power of God dwell within us, we say yes to sacrificial love, we say yes to admitting we fail continuously, we say yes to rising from the ashes of many-an-epic faceplant with the mercy and grace of God. We say yes to so much more. 

Jesus has some HARD teachings, that is for certain. You can't take the good and leave the hard behind as some would try. The world needs to hear our YES first though. The hard teachings cannot come first. The hard teachings are meaningless without that first yes, without our continual yes to grace, to mercy, to the love of Christ. If we are not awash in that light, all we see is the darkness of a no, not the freedom of a loving Savior keeping us from harm because of His great love. The world needs to hear what we do believe of the person of Jesus Christ before they will ever be open to the what of following Christ. 

The world needs to hear why we stand behind what seems an outmoded set of principles. They need to know we don't worship a set of principles at all, but a real, living person whom we love and who loves us. They need to know that what Jesus promises, what Jesus has done and continues to do, makes it worth battling out the hard teachings for our years in this world. We have to lead the world to experience the love and mercy of Christ, so they can hear His loving "yes" to them.  

This Easter, let's be bold about sharing what we DO believe, who we DO love. As I've said before, let's reclaim the conversation and frame it as a labor of love and mercy, the divine Love and Mercy of Jesus. It becomes an entirely different story when we start with an unexpected "YES."

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Looking Back As We Forge Ahead

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.’ And the one who was seated on the throne said, ‘See, I am making all things new.’ Revelation 21:1-5

"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year...but that we should have a new soul." G.K. Chesterton

Newness...renewal...beginning anew. For some the past year has brought much heartache. For others it was a joyous time. For most of us, it was a mixed bag of tricks, as much of life is, with its valleys and peaks, laughter and tears. We lost some loved ones, and welcomed some to the world. We fought and we loved. Some dreams we dared while others we released, if only for now. We watched with wonder as the children grew, and we sighed with exasperation at the frustration of the growing pains. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Now we are fresh into a new year which holds every possibility. We have great opportunities to take what we have gained in the past year and grow from it, to let go of what we have lost and move beyond our pain. We have the opportunity to brush ourselves off, however we have fallen, and begin again. True, we have this chance every day, but the ritual of the start of a new calendar year brings with it the momentum to make good on the opportunity laid at our doorstep, to seize the day...or year. 

As we closed out 2013, the inaugural year for The Pitter Patter Diaries (though some form of a blog has existed longer), I've been looking back through the archives. There are many favorite posts, and some that I deleted in retrospect because they seemed foolish. In writing, in sharing our lives and our journey, I have most certainly learned volumes about myself, about the Lord, about motherhood, and about love...oh, and about fashion. Let's not forget fashion. Thanks to a couple friends, 2013 was the year I dared with more sparkle and bolder jewelry. 

Back to the other lessons, though, here are a few of my favorite posts that will continue to be food for thought as we dive into the days, months and year ahead.

1) Love Must Come First: I wrote this specifically as the battle over same-sex marriage took the forefront o my newsfeed. As I reflected on these words more recently, I realized that I left out the missive of St. Paul - if we have not love, we are but a clanging symbol. In the example of Pope Francis, I see most of all a return to this simple missive. All the Truth, all the moral certitude, all the right ways of being...they mean nothing and are nothing to someone who does not know the love of God. If we cannot first bring them that love, be that love and create an encounter with Love Himself, ain't nothin' in our arsenal gonna change a wayward man, woman or child. To know in the depths of my soul that my Savior loved me enough to die, to know that tangible and unconditional love was shown regardless of my sin and my brokenness, that keeps me striving to be better. Not a set of rules, not the catechism, not liturgical norms - love. The living, breathing Word of God, Bread of Life, Emmanuel - encountering His love and forgiveness and mercy...his unbelievable mercy that greets me every.single.time I fall and especially when I think I have fallen completely out of reach...THAT, my friends is what changes a soul. 

2) Living Life With an Eye on What Is: I listed this as one of the "mosts" posts of 2013. It is also one of my personal favorites because it reminds me that the world is full of false whispers. The devil loves to lure us in with his sweet, and more often not-so-sweet, nothings. As I re-read these words, I am always shocked at how badly I filter those whispers. I am quicker to recognize them now, but the bad is still easier to believe. We know, though, that what God creates is good, so we have to keep fighting against those whispers of darkness. We have to attune our ears to discern what is gentle and loving correction and what is a nasty lie. God's voice never questions our belovedness. God's voice never attacks our self-worth. God's voice never demeans our beauty or distorts it source. Here's to a year of hearing God's voice!

3) Ten Things I Never Want My Children to Hear: Taming the tongue is always a good habit. Re-reading this just convicts my heart about curbing some bad habits. I want these little minions to always be confident about who they are and whose they are, so I'd better work a little harder to make sure everything we do and say lends to that knowledge. 

4) Not So Random Acts of Kindness: Sometimes, in my book, semantics are everything. While we show random people kindness, in my view of things, our kindness is never random if we claim kinship with Christ. As the Auld song goes, "We'll take a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne..."

5) 13 Things I Want to Teach My Children: It's always easier to think of the things you don't want to do, but in parenting as in all of life, much of what I pass on I must be intentional about creating. This list needs to go somewhere visible so I don't forget it when life's pace gets a little chaotic.

6) Love in the Time of Tolerance: If we are to show love in all things, we have to be clear on what authentic love is in a time when the word has been so terribly cheapened. Love is a verb, and it isn't an easy call. That selfless love that led Jesus to pour out his life for our sake is the love we are called to emulate - no flowers and chocolate for that...

7) Life is Like a Bowl of Oatmeal: I tagged this as my favorite post of the year in my "posts with the mosts" post (how many times can I write post?). As I head into the new year, I hope I remember that good things are worth waiting (and working) for - it's not InstaLife after all. 

8) 17 Ways to Honor Your Husband: It is so easy to get lost in the little children and leave the Hubs to settle for the scraps that are left. I don't know about you, but my Hubbers works very hard most of the year (he is a teacher so I call shenanigans on summer vacation). I LOVE how smitten Hallie is with her husband and how intentional she is to keep that romance and deep love at the center of her vocation. This is just a short list to help me do the same, because again, he gets the leftovers otherwise. 

9) Setting Beauty Free: Inspired by Verily Magazine and some flack they've gotten as well as my own issues with body image. I have to constantly remind myself that beauty is not a set of statistics or even a certain "look" - what God creates is inherently beautiful, so God don't make ugly. 

10) Fighting the Funk: I must stay smart in this new year and just give into the fact that the funk is going to happen. I've made myself a handy little list of things to remember when I start to dwell in the darker spaces of my head, provided I recognize that is where I am. One of the dangers of spending too much time on the web and in social media is the pitfall of only seeing everyone's highlight reel. I know I like to always put my best face/home/heart forward, but in the interest of authenticity, I think we have to all be more transparent. While writing sometimes falls by the wayside in the midst of a funky spell, it's important for me to share those spells because I know others struggle too. Life isn't always beautiful. It's often times a mess, much like our house, but it is a beautiful mess. Here's hoping we can share more of our hearts, our lives, our homes and our faith with an authentic spirit in 2014 (this doesn't mean I want to see anyone's dirty laundry, of course!).

Happy New Year to all of you from Casa McCormick!

The LORD bless you and keep you!The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!

Numbers 6:24-26

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A Seasoned Life

There are those moms who are troopers and will pick up and go with littles wherever and whenever. I am not one of those brave souls. As such, there are many activities I feel like I should be attending or partaking of that go unnoticed or missed, like our parish mission. From all accounts, it was a phenomenal time of prayer and healing. Our little brood hung out at the Casa.

I am always kindly reminded when I lament that we miss out on so much that there are seasons for every thing. While I may simply have to brave the elements and let the children be children in the midst of activity, this season is also one that calls our family to scale back and make some intentional decisions about what activities will consume our time and energy. Since I am not the bravest of the land, these outings may be few and far between outside of the Mass until one kid learns to harness continual motion and the other learns that her vocal chords needn't be used every second of every waking hour.

While I am sad for having missed what was surely a powerful prayer experience at our parish, we are now certain that while we may not make the trek for all.the.activities like we would have in earlier years, that may be okay for now. It is liberating and humbling to realize that no one expects super human feats, and quite the opposite, those wise souls who have tread these waters before us actually encourage us to face this season with discernment and discretion. We apparently do not have to do it all. Astounding.

Peaceful slumbers, one and all!

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Seven Quick Takes: Hello, November!

First things first. How is it November already?

Now that I have that off my chest, I'm ready to link up with Jennifer over at Conversion Diary for some Quick Takes. I know you are waiting with anticipation of epic proportions.

1) Month of Thankfulness: It seems to be a new trend to spend the month of November posting a daily update on what we are thankful for that day (or to use interwebs lingo, it's trending). It's a big hit amongst my youth minister friends fo' sho' - see, I can be trendy. I was going to spend some of October gathering different bits of Scriptures on thankfulness and gratitude, but it seems Ann Voskamp not only anticipated my thoughts, but being the rockstar she is, far exceeded my expectations with her little "craft" to go along with it (including a version for Spanish speakers). It can be found on her website in this post. You might want to check out her post from today also, about how/why November is statistically the hardest month and how we can help combat that. If you're not already in love with Ann's blog and books, get on that! I wish I had the discipline to have thought out my own activity for November, but I am so thankful she already has. And there is my first post on thankfulness! :)

(from www.aholyexperience.com)

2) NaBloPoMo: Say that ten times fast. Go. If you don't know what that stands for (as was my case not too long ago), it is National Blog Posting Month. BlogHer hosts one every month (I think), but November is THE official month to encourage bloggers to post daily. Speaking of my desire to grow my writing discipline, I've chosen to play along this month and try to post something every day. No worries - I have no aspirations to wax philosophical on a daily basis. I have always intended to provide some type of "inspiration" for the day through the blog though, be it quotes or Scripture, so at the very least I hope I can acquire the discipline to share something meaningful each day to help us along the (sometimes trying) journey...like when the baby decides to throw up on you at 10 pm and then pee all over his dad when you're getting the tub ready. Yup, for days like that, we need inspiration. Or wine and chocolate, but I can't send you that through this little bit of electronic space, sorry.

3) Halloween Photos: First, Halloween is nuts. These kids are way too active to try to get them to stand still and look at the camera and smile long enough for a nice picture. So, here are our "action" shots. Little dude was the Gingerbread Man (next year, he's going to be a turtle or a rock to inspire less movement) and Li'l G wanted to be a pumpkin, so she was a punky punkin. Who knows - I tried other things, but she settled on a pumpkin. The Hubs' cousin has everyone over for Halloween in costume, so we went as Popeye and Olive Oyl. Not the best family selfie, but maybe there will be others posted on Facebook I can grab later...

4) Saint Swap: Speaking of Halloween, how do you decide how much candy is enough for the kids? I really don't like the kids to have candy or sweets, though their dad sneaks them donuts when they go out. Ok, I'll let them have a few bites here and there too. I just don't want to share my chocolate. Anyway, here's my little post on having a Saint Swap to transition from Halloween into All Saint's Day. Let me know if you have creative ways of rationing candy or celebrating All Saints' Day. (Oh, and after a question on what to do with the candy you swap, hat tip to my friend Amy from high school for this Advent activity - cones of paper with the date, an Advent Scripture reading and some candy for a home made advent calendar.)

5) Natural Foods: Speaking of rationing candy, how do you ladies who really do the natural foods or no processed foods for the kids do it? It seems to take so much energy to figure out what to give them that they can eat, especially the one year old, but doesn't require a lot of prep time...oh, and that we can afford on a limited budget. When I've been intentional about looking at labels, I feel like there just isn't much out there that wouldn't increase our grocery bill by a couple hundred dollars a month. Insert sad face here. I definitely desire to purchase and prepare better foods, or rather real food versus a bunch of chemical, fake foods. I also know I get overwhelmed easily these days and want to be smartly frugal as well as healthy. So, I suppose I could ask Mary to hijack one of her Tuesday question free-for-alls, but we'll start here. Any ideas? And...go!

6) Audrey Assad: I just wanted to share how much I am loving her new CD. I love that she left her label to focus more on worship music. I love the soft, reverent, current tones. I love every lyric, every song. Mostly, I love that it is the perfect soundtrack to naptime at the Casa. Audrey Assad, you're my naptime heroine. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I pray, they sleep. Can't get much better than that!

7) Foster parenting: Ahhh, I was set to write about something probably trivial here, then I sent a note to a friend from high school who has been fostering a little girl. Her response broke my heart with the complete unreliability of anything having to do with foster care, not always to fault the system or the players. It is just not an ideal system. When foster parents such as this amazing family give their love, their whole hearts and their home, knowing that separation may be inevitable, those ups and down and the unreliability become ever more infuriating. This is, of course, not only because of the pain this family now experiences, but more so that little person in their care. If the foster family is suffering, how much more so the child? It is a pain I cannot imagine, as is the case with so many of the stories I hear at work. My heart and prayers go out to these children, and my admiration and prayers to the foster parents who go into the work with humble, loving hearts for the good of the children and not the extra cash from the state. Here's a November double-hitter: I am so thankful you give of yourselves so freely that another little person might know what it is to begin to feel loved and feel safe. God bless you all. 

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Trick or Treat then...Saint Swap!

Let's face it. Parents of young children really only trick or treat to get some candy for themselves. There, I said it. You know it's true. I don't know a single parent who is letting their one year old devour a bucket of candy.

As they get a little older, say three, for example, the dilemma hits. How much candy is ok? Do I really want her to have her whole bucket? (Heck no.) Do I really want to be that mom who still doesn't let her have any of her treats? (Probably not.) How do I steal her candy from her when she knows now that she has a whole bucket full?!?

Then I saw this on Facebook: The Switch Witch -

While it is rather genius, the Hubs and I were both a little reticent to use a witch to steal candy from our children. And that is how the Saint Swap was born. It isn't so much us stealing their candy as it is them offering up their sweet things to get something even sweeter from a saint. The details are still sketchy, but here is how it goes:

Now we just need to pick a few saints who are leaving the kids some blessings (and figure out what those blessings will be!)...

Happy All Hallows' Eve to one and all!

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Have Toddlers? Here Are 10 Ways to Reduce the Stress!

I don't know about you, but before I had children of my own, I definitely had a beatific vision in mind of family life. My children would not scream or throw tantrums, they would be spirited yet yield to parental instructions, they would eat what I put in front of them and we would all go on our merry way. We would be a vision of the Holy Family for the world to behold.

Enter reality. Last time I checked, I am not the Virgin Mary. My child is not Jesus. Besides which, even Jesus gave his parents a bit of gray hair now and then. Remember when they had to go back to the temple for him? 

As much as I hate to admit it, the stress of having a full fledged toddler in my home has sent me overboard on more than one occasion. They don't call it the terrible twos, or threes...or teenage years...for nothing. I'm sticking to the twos for now of course (though I'm pretty sure she is 2 going on 13). It's only recently that I have begun to find things to help talk me down from the ledge when I have had enough...or to prevent me from climbing up in the first place. Sadly, I still go down a spiral to crazytown more often than I would like, but these few things do help me to keep perspective and sanity in tact. I hope you will find them useful as well unless you do have a modern day replica of the Holy Family...and if you do, please leave me contact information so I can come visit and learn your tricks!

1) Always have a go-to prayer. When I start to feel my blood pressure rise or the steam start collecting in my ears, I rely on a couple of standard prayers (if I remember). A quick Hail Mary or ten to ask the Blessed Mother's intercession and a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel are standard weapons in my arsenal. I am getting better about letting my first instinct be prayer instead of sighs or anger, but I am a work in progress. Nevertheless, find a few prayers that calm you and bring perspective and tattoo them on your lips, figuratively speaking of course. Please do not actually tattoo prayers on your lips.

2) Remember that timing is everything. Know what works for your toddler and stick to it. We get a lot of flack for showing up late to things if they happen to start at or during naptime. It's ok. I'd rather deal with some flack than a meltdown because someone is over tired. Also, remember that toddlers take their sweet time and give yourself an extra half hour or so when you need to get somewhere at a specific time. If you really need to leave at ten, just tell yourself you need to leave at 9:30. Inevitably someone will need a diaper change or potty break or lose a shoe or have a meltdown because they wanted the blue shirt and not the green one. Give yourself time. If there is not a firm time for you to get somewhere, let go of your timetable. Just be flexible and learn to go at toddler speed no matter how much you just want get going or get done with whatever you are doing. It's tough for a control freak like me, but it makes life easier. Besides, God is the author of all time and He's got it under control.

3) Admit defeat - know yourself and ask for help. There are going to be times where it just feels like too much. You're not a failure. You are human. Don't be afraid to ask for help, especially from your spouse. As mothers, we naturally take on the role of nurturer and child rearer to a greater extent in most families. This doesn't mean fathers don't need or want to play a role. Be sure you make your needs known and allow them to help. It's a lesson I am still learning, and one my husband forces upon me when he sees the nerves starting to fray. If not your spouse for whatever reason, find a friend, a family member, someone from church - find support so you are not in it alone. Parenting was never meant to be a solo act.

4) Along those lines, allow yourself to take a breather. There have been days where the constant noise simply gets to be too much and the attempted bartering or high emotion threatens to overwhelm me. I have been known to make sure the kids are in a safe spot and just walk out onto the front porch for two minutes to breathe. Get fresh air, silence your mind, bring in those prayers. It is okay to step away from the madness to reassess your situation.

5) Be flexible. Choose your battles - they will change daily based on what the needs of the day are. Some days she will just not be able to wear the clothes she wants to, and other days she can dress herself in the bathing suit top and pajama bottoms to her heart's content. Safety always comes first, then manners, of course. There are non-negotiables, but beyond them, be flexible. Is what you are beginning to stress about really all that important or can you let it go and move on? If it is just your preference and would have no lasting impact, maybe it is time to surrender.

6) Plan one fun thing a day. Whether it is a project, game, outing or other activity, plan on having fun, and when possible, let your toddler help decide what that fun might be. Present some options and then see their face light up. That's always great at reducing stress! Some days it may be someone else's charge to go have fun because you are truly too busy (or sick), but join in when you can.

7) Pick just ONE thing you want to accomplish for your day. I know there are days where it seems like there are at least one thousand and one things to do before the sun sets, but I assure you, most of those things can wait. If you work from home, designate a specific time you will do that. If you have important tasks to take care of, make it into a fun game or outing with the kids if you can. Otherwise, just pick one thing. I have a beautiful chore chart hanging on the kitchen wall gathering dust. I picked one room per day that I would focus on with chores. I need to get back to that so I don't go into automatic shutdown mode when I look at all that needs to be done in the house. Pick one thing.

8) Mass... Say this ten times fast: "Mass is not designed for kids. Mass is not designed for kids. Mass is not..." You get the picture. Again, I had beatific visions of angels in white garments sitting quietly and piously in church. Stop laughing. Our Li'l G loves to  talk. Little dude loves to move. Mass is not designed for young children. Still take them. Hopefully you have a pastor and community that supports the beautiful example you are setting by bringing your children faithfully, no matter how disruptive they are. If you don't, perhaps send them a little note asking for more support and reminding them that Jesus asks the children to come to Him? Too much? Honestly it is a pet peeve of mine to know that there are pastors out there who belittle families with children that misbehave. Yes, I was an eye roller before kids, but I knew they needed to be there. After kids, I am more sympathetic, though I still think your child should not spit on mine without you intervening. That is the other point with Mass. Let go of the notion that church is a quiet time for you to pray. Unless you split Masses (which I recommend on occasion), it is a time for you to be introducing your children to Jesus, to the church and helping them learn. Sometimes it means stepping out into the gathering space or cry room, but not isolating them from the community. It is their community. It is the community that baptized them. Bring them and do not be afraid. Just lower your expectations of silence.

9) Throw away your measuring stick. I've said it before, I will say it again, and I will glare at you if you use my own words against me. The devil is in the details of comparison. Jesus even asks Simon Peter, what is it to you what I have asked of him? Worry instead about what I ask of you! (Paraphrased, of course.) Take this and run with it. Know your child and work with that. Don't worry about family X down the road or mommy Y whose blog you read. Be prayerful and know what the Lord is asking of you in raising your child. Johnny isn't potty trained yet but Sam is? Oh well...is he in college yet? You didn't breast feed, but Susie down the way says it is the only way to go? Is your child healthy and thriving? Then don't worry about it. You stay at home, but Gretchen can't imagine not working? Good for her! Jenny uses cloth diapers and frowns at your garbage pail of disposables? Just smile and walk away...and don't frown at someone else. There are going to be a gazillion and one choices you will have to make. As long as you are discerning your course prayerfully and responsibly and giving of yourself to your child, c'est la vie! 

10) Take fun photos. Maybe this is just the photographer in me, but I find that if I take photos throughout the week, when things get really dicey I can look back on the real blessing that is in my life through the presence of my children, even at the end of every day. By taking photos, I very literally capture their image, which reminds me whose image they truly reflect. Created in His image and likeness, temples of the Holy Spirit, they have been entrusted to me for this moment in time. They try my patience, but they are meant to stretch me. They are needy, but they are meant to be. They are my path to heaven, and we know that the road is going to be marked with challenges as we strip away the worldliness we acquire in life. Why not let those challenges come with an entertaining photo strip! 

So there you have it. I shall henceforth be a cool as a cucumber with our toddler(s). Stop laughing! Ok, ok, here's hoping life with a toddler becomes more joyful and less stressful as I learn to let go. 

Five Faves: Sights & Sounds

Linking up with Hallie again this week to share my fave five from the week. This week I bring you my favorite sights and sounds... Unfortunately, the "sound" I recorded as a memo, so I'm still working on converting it to a non-flash video so all y'all iDevice users can see/hear the sweetness. And here is the hopefully compatible with all devices video. Thank you, YouTube.

~1~

Bedtime singalong.

~2~

Sibling bear hugs.

~3~

Superman with super daddy.

~4~

Crazy wrestling faces.

~5~

Partners in crime. Crimes of cuteness, that is. For now.

To check out what others are favoring this week, visit Hallie at www.moxiewife.com!

Living Life With an Eye on "What Is"

...and not "what is not," or "what I'm not." It is a daily struggle to fix our gaze on the current moment and the voice of God. The waves constantly laugh at me telling me what I am not and what is not in my life, and being more active on the old (Catholic) blogosphere just gives them more fodder to do so.

I am not a theologian.
I am not a daily Mass attendant.
I am not a homeschooler.
I am pushing 40 and do not have my own basketball team of children.
I am not a breastfeeder.
I am not a mother who makes all her own baby food.
I am not a mother who does not use processed food.
I am not a mother who only shops organic.
I am not a wife who doesn't get upset with her husband.
I am not a wife who keeps the house clean, the kids fed and has energy left over for her spouse on a daily basis.
I am not a wife who has the children tamed and dinner on the table when her husband comes home.
I am not a woman who is organized.
I am not a blogger who has taken the interwebs by storm.
I am not a joyful mother and wife all of the time.
I am not a full time working mother, but am always tired.
I am not the mom who can make macaroni art with her child, have dinner on the stove, the laundry done and folded and still have a smile on her face.
I am not...
I am not..
I am not...

The devil is in the details of comparison. I was recently having a conversation with Patty over at Tales of Me and the Husband (you should check out her blog - she's one of those joyful people I admire!) about the frustration of trying to break into a community, online in this case, but also in real life. There are always expectations based on age, marital status, faith, etc etc etc dot dot dot...and there is a lot of judgment based on what others choices have been (and then feel yours should be). We become insular, forgetting that part of our duty as married people (well, any people) is to reach out to the world as a sign of God's love. We get focused on our family, on our friends that make us feel okay about where and who we are, and forget that others are trying to make their way into this world. We forget that we don't like to be judged for our choices for our family, and while we are called to be our brothers' keepers in helping one another walk a holy walk, they are choices every family must make for themselves. We forget that we should be building each other up. We forget that our own insecurities can lead us to tear down instead of build up. It is a rough enough world out there without us raising an eyebrow at family choices that are not harmful, or not extending an inviting embrace to those who are at a different spot on the road. We get nowhere alone. So today, I vow to look at "what is" instead of "what is not" and help you to do the same. Life is rough, but heaven is worth it!

I am a woman.
I am a woman who loves the Lord and is learning to love Him more deeply.
I am a woman who had learned to live with loss.
I am a woman who is self-sufficient most of the time.
I am a woman who has gifts to share.
I am a woman who feels deeply.
I am a woman who falls daily, but keeps getting up even when I don't feel like it.
I am a woman who is searching for better ways to advocate for the least of these.
I am a woman who is trying to love and serve the Lord and bring His love to the rest of the world.
I am a wife who loves her husband.
I am a wife who appreciates that her husband loves her with the same unconditional love as Christ.
I am a wife who tries to have dinner started or at least planned most days.
I am a wife who prays with and for her husband.
I am a wife who tries to encourage and support her husband in his passions.
I am a wife who tries desperately not to nag.
I am a wife who is learning how to love her husband better.
I am a mother.
I am a mother who dances with her children.
I am a mother who sings her children to sleep.
I am a mother who snuggles her babies and slathers them with kisses.
I am a mother whose heart breaks when her babies are suffering.
I am a mother who puts food on the table.
I am a mother who enjoys the sound of her children's laughter.
I am a mother who endures the sound of her children's whining and crying despite the urge to run out the door.
I am a mother who prays with and for her children.
I am a mother who is committed to teaching her children that God loves them.
I am a mother who is committed to teaching her children to be kind, to love well and see the dignity in everyone they meet.
I am a daughter of God.
I am a daughter who is growing in patience with her mother.
I am a daughter who misses being someone's little girl, but live it out being a mother who loves on her little girl.
I am intelligent.
I am funny (even I am the only one who thinks so).
I am loving.
Whether I see it or not, I am beautiful, blemishes, extra pounds and all, if only because God created me, and He does not create ugly things. 

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are.

A Love Letter From God

Today was one of THOSE days. You know, those days mama told you there would be? I was going on a couple hours of sleep from a rough night with Baby J, so however rough the day might have been otherwise, it was clearly amplified by infinity. I know that isn't mathematically possible, but just work with me here. Baby J pretty much spent most of the day irritated, which is completely unlike him. My money is on new teeth. Li'l G is two and a half...need I say more? Usually she is pretty helpful, but today was a contrarian day. Anything I asked was met with a "no" or "not yet" or even better yet, with this ridiculous new grunt she does that is like nails on chalkboard. Color me irritated. No amount of coffee would have helped, even if I could actually get a cup down the old hatch while it was still warm.

Throw in a necessary trip to the store for food and other sundries, like pajamas for my giraffe of a boy who keeps growing out of everything we own, and the morning was less than stellar. I will admit, baby J slept most of the time and  Li'l G did pretty well at ye olde market, aside from the throwing of things out of the cart, or fiddling with the packages until she opened them, or screaming when I asked her to stop. I am thankful I have developed mom blinders. I no longer actually see or care what people's reactions are. My focus is on her and on keeping my sanity. I'm sure somewhere someone thinks I'm the world's worst parent for a multitude of reasons. Oh well.

This isn't about that though. I know it seems that way, but it isn't. I hesitated to write this post tonight because I have been in such a foul mood that the Hubs could quite rightly point his finger at me screaming "liar, liar, pants on fire," though he may not come out unscathed. The point of the recounting of my terrible horrible no good day is that looking back on it, and even in the middle of it, I saw God writing me a love letter in short, sweet phrases.

Mother Teresa was quoted as saying she was a pencil in the hand of God who was writing a love letter to the world. Today he wrote it himself, unless Blessed Teresa was there and I missed it. It is possible. So here is my letter from God. I share it hoping if you have had a terrible day, you can see his hand writing in love to you through it all also.

Darling daughter,

I know you are tired. I know you want to quit. I appreciate you trying and doing what you need to do, even if it is the bare minimum today. Here are a string of green lights for you so you can quickly and safely go about your business. Not only that, but here is a parking space as close as possible to the store and right next to a cart return so you can put the babies right in.

Notice the blue sky and the sunshine. Didn't you just mention how you missed sunny days? Even though there will be rain, here is some sunshine to brighten your morning. As you go about your business, don't get frustrated when it seems not all you need is there. I have taken care of it - just look again. Be patient with G, she is learning just like you once did, and still do. 

I know that sometimes it seems like too much, and that nothing you are trying to do works. Listen, just listen. There is the silence you are craving, if only for a moment, enjoy it. Then listen to the sound of your daughter's voice singing praise to me! How sweet that sound to my ears! I know you feel helpless in easing the baby's discomfort, but you are not powerless. That smile, the laughter when you tickle his belly or toes, he can work through his discomfort into joy. Do that too. Seek and choose joy. 

I know the aches and pains and exhaustion. Just notice how those babies tonight fell asleep alone, and the sounds of their breaths as they sleep. Rest, listen, sleep.

Today will be a day of little things accomplished. Be glad for the little things. I know sometimes you just want to give up because you feel like it is too much. I will not give up on you. As you fall, and I know you will, I will take your hand and lead you back. Every minute, every second, every day, I will dust you off and pick you up when you think you cannot stand.You cannot fall so far that Love will not find you. Even when you give up on yourself, I never will. Good night, sweet child. I love you. Come rest in me and we will try again tomorrow.

With love,

From Love

Overheard at Casa McCormick

Me: Why is the tv stand wet??

Li'l G: *blank stare*

Me: Li'l G, did you get out a wipe without asking and use it on the tv stand?

Li'l G: *huge cheesy grin* Aww, pretty mommy!!

Me: *leave room to laugh my head off*

In other news, based on this morning, I am once again considering renaming the blog "House o' Poo"...... Ok, maybe not for real.

7 Quick Takes: Happy Easter!

1) Lent is over! Hallelujah! How did I celebrate? By buying more iDevices. What do you mean that isn't the spirit of Lenten sacrifice? Other people get candy - this is my candy, and it comes with a purpose. I've been talking about doing more writing, and after the last few weekends of conferences, the Hubbers may have finally convinced me to write my conversion story. (I'm not sold on the idea that there would be any takers on reading or publishing it, but that's a mountain to conquer another day.) Lugging out my laptop with the littles gets a bit cumbersome, and daytime honestly isn't even a good time to write. I'm a night owl, so putting the baby to sleep is when I'm at my most prolific. Having this iPad is making it much easier to get some writing done. Perhaps too much, as is evidenced by the increased volume of posts with the Easter Alphabet Challenge. As counterintuitive as it might seem, and as much as it may in the end be rationalizing our purchase of new toys, we are also hoping these purchases will help us to simplify. I told you it was counterintuitive.

2) Simplification número uno? We have finally taken the plunge and said sayonara to cable. With the upgrade to our Internet service to fuel some streaming (EWTN - I don't even kid!), we are saving around $50/Month. Perhaps as we detach, we will also in the future find we spend less time in front of the tube and more time reading or pursuing other interests. Working out might be a new adventure for me, or cleaning, but let's not get to crazy at once!
Simplification hope part deux: thrift more. This one really only involves me for now. I've decided that for the next year, as best as I can as old habits are hard to break, I am going to first attempt to find items for myself via thrift/resale shops. Depending on whether it is a need or a want (very little actually ever falls into the need category), I may allow myself leniency on the timeframe I have to find the object. This allows me to start small, but I am kind of excited! First item up - a new spring jacket, preferably of the cute trench variety. I have found a couple at Target that I really like as a measure, so we shall see what secondhand Sally has to offer me over the next weeks.

3) Our little princess is a bit of a Scrooge McDuck! She loves coins. She loves money. It made Easter egg hunting super easy, of course. Just a few pennies and assorted coins later, she was thrilled with the whole thing. As she exclaimed herself, "I love Easter eggs!!!" That's great, sugar pie - can mama borrow some money?" We had a lovely Easter minus the tantrums all in all (see #4). A walk to the local ice cream stand before our backyard hunt ended at Tim Hortons as it is apparently still too early for ice cream. Li'l G also loves her donuts. And tiaras. And pretty princess dresses she can twirl in while wearing her tiara. And money. Judah just loves to move. And chew. And smile. The boy is just happy as long as he is not restrained for long (also see #4).

4) Our grace period has run out. For two and a half years, we have enjoyed children who behaved at Mass. We are now the ones with the banshees. My apologies to any parent I may have ever looked at with judgment or pity. I am now that parent. Li'l G is a talker. She has a remarkable vocabulary and expressions which she is compelled to share at all waking hours. Oh, did I mention that if you try to tell her no or to be quiet, she lets out a shrill scream? It's really quite lovely. Is my sarcasm coming through? Her boisterousness then incites the grunting of Baby J, who though not yet talking, is not content if he is not moving. Our standard Catholic calisthenics at Mass have changed greatly - we've moved into the toddler edition. Maybe I should explore that whole working out thing some more lest my arms one day do actually fall off from restraining children...

5) We have a tooth!! It's finally popped through! Though not quite yet visible to the naked eye from a mouth that doesn't want to stay open to show off a pearly white tip, you can definitely feel it with every bite of the finger. Ouch. 

Bonus - Li'l G is learning to color inside the lines!
I'm pretty sure we have a prodigy on our hands. ;-)

6) Sleep has been hard to come by. I miss it. The one time the kids did sleep, our CO alarm went off in the middle of the night. It isn't that they aren't able to sleep through the night if all is well. Unfortunately, baby J has been having a rough battle with eczema or dermatitis or whatever he current diagnosis is. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, he is itchy and cannot be soothed no matter how much lotion I schlep onto him. It is frustrating on many levels. I hate watching him be miserable and not be able to soothe him. I hate that he doesn't sleep enough. I hate that I don't sleep enough. I hate all this so much that I dropped a pretty penny yesterday collecting all kinds of remedies to start working through them one by one to see what will finally work. Last night, Aveeno oatmeal soak with oatmeal based lotion. Better, but not perfect, and today seems more aggravated. Lovely. Do any of you know of a miracle cure?

7) I was going to write about my noble plans for Easter here. But life interrupted. Li'l G has what appears to be a splinter in her foot. How in the heck does one get a splinter out of their child's foot? I have no trouble torturing myself to get out a splinter, but I am no lancing expert. Trying to get the thing out was impossible, not to mention torturous on the both of us as I tried to gently coax it out. I bribed her with a Dora bandaid to let me keep trying which only worked so long...not to mention she wanted the bandaid on her finger. I'm offering a little Veggie Tales pirates as a peace offering for now and a bribe for the future. I'll let you know how it turns out....

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

Ten Things I Never Want My Children to Hear

I have found myself lately stopping in mid-sentence whilst saying things around the kids, especially Li'l G the Parrot. It's not that I am swearing, but I find that I sometimes make comments or try to be funny or self-deprecating without thinking of the larger consequences. As I was really reflecting on what I want my children to know and remember of us as parents, I know that there will be the things that 20+ years from now will make them roll their eyes or think "I'm not going to do that to/with my kids." I just want to be intentional in trying our darndest to make sure that their list is mighty short.

1) Disparaging words about them from our lips. We have amazing kids. They are littles. They are tough sometimes, but they are amazing. In our sarcastic, self-deprecating nature, it is easy to extend that deprecation onto our brood. I have found myself mid-sentence when someone pays us a compliment about how polite our Li'l G is about to tell them the dirty secrets of our sometimes tantrum-filled home. Then I remember how much it bothers me when my mother repays a compliment about me with a "if you only knew" comment or look. Our children have been created in the image and likeness of God, and like us, they are working their way back to Him. That comes with some rough steps, but it's our job as parents to help them get through those without holding it against them or publicly embarrassing them. Li'l G IS very polite. She is gentle and kind and expressive and beautiful inside and out. She is 2. That comes with some acting out - she is not a Stepford kid. So, thank you for noticing how sweet and gentle she is. 

2) Comparisons to their siblings (or anyone) as a negative statement about them. Having been an only child, I never really got to see the developmental differences between siblings. Friends, yes, and I heard those comparisons. I also made those comparisons in terms of parents, truth be told. Now having two very different children, I find that it fascinates me to compare their developmental milestones. One talked much sooner (and hasn't stopped). The other is definitely more physically adept at an earlier age. Neither is better. Yet, it is so easy to speak in terms of comparison. For instance, it took our Li'l G awhile to give up her bottle. Baby J is already trying to sip from a cup. Yes, he is light years ahead of his sister, but I found myself actually saying that aloud. It really bothered me to think that she might have heard that and thought that she was somehow not as good as her brother. Kids are different, siblings or not. God has wired each of them to his special purpose, and I need to encourage each of them in their strengths and not affirm them by degrading the other. My bad. 

In a similar vein, I never want them to feel that I am comparing them to their friends or anyone else for that matter. If we are having any serious issues in development, then we will address that head on with our pediatrician - not because Suzy down the street is doing things faster, but because there is a problematic delay in growth or development. There are going to be a lot of milestones in these young years, and many opportunities for achievement in the years to come. Our children need to know that none of that carries any weight when it comes to our love. We have to make them confident that we love them as they are, even while trying to get them to where we know they should be. Isn't God doing the same for us each and every day? He doesn't want us to be like anyone else he has made. He wants us to discover the potential and gifts he has bestowed on us in His time, not in ours. These kids, these very specific children with their very unique DNA, were given to me. To be graphic, God chose that egg and that sperm to come together at that specific time to create this life and bring to fruition beyond the womb. Why would we possibly want them to be like someone else, when God has specifically designed them for us?

3) Self-deprecating humor or comments about myself. If I want them to know and love themselves as precious children of God, I cannot treat myself any differently. This will take work. I don't always see myself through Christ-colored glasses. My hearing is not always attuned to blocking the devil's soundwaves. I'm getting better, but I have a long way to go. It will take intentional focus to not see myself as the Pillsbury Doughboy (or even if I do, to swat that aside and see instead Jesus radiating through me). It will take focus not to see every blemish. I want to do it for my children. These littles are ridiculously observant of even the tiniest detail and behavior. I don't want them to remember me always struggling with my weight or fixated on what might make me feel better about myself. How droll. God made me in his image just as much as he made them. I need to work on owning it and proclaiming it about myself, not in a pompous way, of course. Rather, if someone compliments me I need to be grateful and not guffaw or roll my eyes as I normally do. (And yes, I just used the word "guffaw.")

4) That's stupid/silly/dumb [enter non-validating word here]. I want my children to know that all their thoughts and emotions are valid. They may not be rooted in reality, but they are feeling whatever it is that their minds have concocted. I want them to know that as they grow, they can bring their fears and desires to me without ridicule or dismissal. Sure, some of it is going to be a bit off the wall. They are my kids. They will figure that out on their own, though, or I can talk them through it. I never want them to fear being laughed at by us for anything, however irrational. I want them to know I will hold them through their fears and encourage their dreams, grounding them in reality and faith.

5) That's gay/retarded/[enter attribute of person here to mean undesirable]. It's just not okay. I know there is a lot of controversy around it. I know people think we're all getting bent out of shape. The deal is that these terms we now know define characteristics of individuals who are disparaged in society. We know that these words are hurtful when used to insinuate that something is wrong, bad or not-smart. We also know that it just doesn't articulate what is really being said. It's become a colloquialism that, much like swearing, uses disparaging terms to convey an emotion without actually expressing what the emotion is. I never want my children to hear or say such things. Never.

6) Just go away. Ohhh, this one is tempting. When you are in the midst of simultaneous meltdowns and nonstop chatter for 8 hours, this one is so tempting...and so very damaging. There is not one shred of me that ever wants my children to think that I do not want to be in their presence. I need to teach them that they cannot and should not demand immediate attention during every waking hour, but I want them to know I receive great joy in being with them. Even in the midst of angst, I rejoice in them. God rejoices in me even when I'm a pain. I need to be sure they know I delight in them through thick and thin. 

7) You're ugly/fat/undeserving of love. Boy oh boy if I ever hear someone say this in any of its forms to my children, you had better watch out for mama bear. It comes out in many forms not so overt as the words themselves. I never, never, never want to be the one who insinuates such things. I actually remember hearing my own parents talking about me gaining a little weight. Want to know how old I was? Six. That's right. Six years old. And then again around my teenage years. I know they never meant it to be hurtful, but I believe there are certain things you say that no matter your intention are damaging. This is one of them. I do not believe it is isolated to the young ladies out there. There is just as much pressure for boys, and sometimes less opportunity for them to express their hurt. I find myself brushing Li'l G's hair or pretending to put powder and lotion on her face and then saying "oh, pretty girl!" Then I cringe. She IS pretty - she is BEAUTIFUL! Not because her hair is done or there is powder or lotion on her face, but because that is how God made her. There is so much she will have to fight in society to retain her dignity and a solid self-image. I do not want to contribute to the notion that exterior things make her more or less beautiful. My job is to help each of them claim and own their beauty as children of God so when the evil one throws the poo at them through the mixed messages of the world, they can throw it right back and say "no, thank you." They will be polite about it clearly - it is part of their beauty.

8) Parental arguments. Yes, they happen, even in our perfect and always happy home. (cough). Our children should never be embroiled in them. We should never use them as a bargaining chip. They should only know that mommy and daddy love each other dearly, and love them dearly. Yes, sometimes mom and dad disagree on things, but that does not lessen our love for each other, or our love for our children. El fin.

9) Constant complaining. Yes, I am guilty of perhaps seeing the glass as half empty or just another one the Hubbers will have to wash. I want to nip that in the bud while the kids are young. I want our home to be a home of joy, where we count our blessings, not mope over what we do not yet have. We are blessed beyond belief. God is always faithful and that is what I want our children to know. To quote Annie, "the sun will come out tomorrow." Even in Michigan, it's not cloudy forever. To paraphrase Blessed Mother Teresa, we should never let anything fill us with such sorrow that we forget the joy of Christ risen. We are an Easter people, a people of hope and a people of joy. Complaining betrays our heritage as adopted sons and daughters of the Most High. Will I still complain a little...as in did I go on a tirade about our house just an hour ago? Probably likely. I hope very much, though, that this will not be the prevailing characteristic for which I am remembered or known. 

10) Condemnation from judgement. This one is a little bit more of a "things I want my kids to differentiate between." I never want my children to hear someone criticize them or correct them and think that because they were wrong, that they are worthless or inherently bad. I want them to know that as sinners we all stray from the path, but our identity is in our redemption as children of a living God. I want them to know they are loved not for what they do (right or wrong), but because they exist. I want them to know how to take criticism and judgment in a way that they can discern God's voice in what is corrective and know the voice of the evil one enough to dismiss him. I want them to know that others will tell them not to judge, but it is good for them to judge right from wrong, sacred from profane, holy from evil. It is good to judge, but never to condemn - that alone belongs to God. We can judge an action for ourselves, but the person should never feel anything but our love. It is a tricky line to toe most of the time, especially when we talk about touchy subjects like sex. It is good for them to know they can toe that line with confidence and with our support. It is good for them to know that when they make mistakes, we will judge what they did as wrong, but we will love them just the same. It is good for them to know that we will set boundaries for them and instruct them in the faith in ways that will likely get us labeled as "judgmental," but that it is okay only if we live out that faith in love and service of our neighbors indifferent to their failings (hello, did you see the log in my own eye?). It allows us to live in the blessings of the beatitudes: 

‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.' Matthew 5:11-12 

I want them to live as much in the Beatitudes as I want them to obey the Commandments. Perhaps that is another post for another time, though.