Edel Recap: Take One {Punching Satan In the Face}

It was a whirlwind weekend, dear readers. The whole Edel Gathering experience seems like it took place over at least a week, but in reality it was just a brief 36 hours. A day and a half of laughing, loving, crying, enduring the heat with the reality that there would not be a shower in the near future, many long-awaited hugs and "selfies," and a few drinks here and there. Maybe.

As an introvert (yes, I really am no matter how crazy I can act!), I know that the fruits from this weekend won't really begin to fully hit me with their best shot until I'm able to revisit all those wonderful moments. I give you below what I call Take One of my reflections from this weekend. Knowing how my mind works, you can fully expect that as the experience unfolds over the next several days and weeks, there will be more. But first up, a look at punching satan in the face. Thank you Kelly Mantoan for that image. My life (and my family's) is forever changed.

I was on my final flight with a tiny shrapnel of battery life left on my phone and this came across my Twitter and Instagram feed:

“Extremists have shown what frightens them most: a girl with a book.” - @malalafund

I knew right then what I needed to write about first, because satan is an extremist when it comes to trying to lure us away from the love of God. Enter the Edel Gathering. Ladies, it's clear that satan be running scared given all the hiccups and hijinks we all experienced leading to and during our time together.

Satan has shown us what frightens him this weekend. A hotel full of life-giving, soul searching, faithful women of God coming together to build community, however sweat-drenched and showerless they may be. In this community we find the Aaron and Hur to our Moses, the ones who will hold us up when the battle makes us tired. We find our Veronica, who wipes us clean when we have fallen and the tears have stained our faces. We find that soft, gentle breeze whispering the truth of God as we peek out of our caverns (or bathrooms) where we have barricaded ourselves amid life's storms. We find our people. Our tribe. Our family. Ourselves.

We find Him who our soul loves, and Who loves our whole being to death and back to life again.

Gazing at the Lover of my soul as He gazes upon me.

God is calling us through this experience of sisterhood with a smattering of women, of His daughters, to go back to our homes and build sacred space for the sisters in our backyards. He is calling us to be the face of joy, but to open our arms to shelter our sisters' sorrows. He is calling us to share our weirdness with the world (within measure of course) so all our sisters know they belong.

Why? Because God knows darkness fears a woman of light.

Satan fears us because he knows God has made us to build cathedrals and to nurture temples where His Holy Spirit resides. Satan knows that when we come together and shed ourselves of false piety and the facade of propriety and begin to build places where it is safe to air out our wounds and bring our shame to the light, we will no longer live in that wounded shame but be stronger in Christ. Satan knows when women come together in unity and solidarity that we give each other the strength to take our spirit, our gifts, our life-giving love back to our families and build them up to fight another day.

Sister in Christ joined together in prayer outside the AME Emmanuel Church
where nine people were senselessly murdered. Mercy and grace won. Praise God!

What does all this mean in the context of our own lives, though? As tempting as it may be because we are conditioned by our structured environments, I don't think it means we go home and create more women's groups and fellowships. It just isn't enough.

One of the fruits of Edel in my own heart has been a desire to love my people better. I want serve my people better. I want the idea of loving better not to be just an abstract thought of what we need to do as disciples in a broken world, but rather a desire that is grafted into my DNA that spurs me to action despite my own brokenness and selfishness. Who are my people? They are God's people, so . . . all people.

Maybe, just maybe, this desire is about keeping our eyes open to notice those around us who seem weary and worse for the wear. Maybe it is reaching out in those moments just to let them know they are not alone, that whatever they are facing, God is with them, and we can be too. Maybe, it is being humble enough to admit when that person is us and being willing to raise the white flag of surrender and shoot up an SOS to our tribe. Maybe it is sitting outside an empty ballroom and making that a safe space to let down our walls and just be, so we can laugh and cry and say things we shouldn't, and the one thing we should: me too, sister, me too.

We do all this within our vocations and to strengthen our vocations, not hiding from our womanhood, but embracing the beauty and variety within it. We shatter that notion that there is one way for holiness to look as a woman because satan wants to trap us there to trick us into thinking we are not enough. He wants to cajole us into desiring another life instead of surrendering in thanksgiving to the one we have so we can set the world on fire. The only fire he wants is the fires of hell. What I am convinced of this through this weekend is that when you get a group of faithful, honest women together, you can unleash the fire of the Holy Spirit and with that fire we can light the world out of darkness into the bright, burning light of the love of God.

We may not have started the fire, Billy Joel, but we know Him who did and we can keep it going until the whole world is ablaze!

Let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus! 

Short PostScript:

{Husbands - please do not feel excluded. You hold our hands, dry our tears, face our anger with steadfast love, dream our dreams, and fight alongside us. And yet, there are some parts of us that for all the tea in India, just mystify you. Admit it - there are times when we make zero sense. This is where the sisterhood comes in for you. Just send them in and breathe easy, dear man. Breathe easy.}

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Confessions of a Non-Edel-er

I have a confession to make. It's not a secret confession if you've followed my lately not-so-active blog. I really wanted to go to Edel (an in-person gathering organized by Hallie & Jen + company in Austin for Catholic mamas and bloggers). I didn't go. My whole affair with the Edel Gathering read something like a 12 Step program. Get ready to enter the crazy in my head!


Step 1: See mention of possible gathering and feel like that high school nerd again, super excited for even a chance to go hang out with the cool kids.








Step 2: See actual details of Edel and then see price tag.

Step 3: Lament as to why airlines cannot still have round-trip, cross-country fares for under $200 like back in the good old days.

Step 4: Try to figure out total cost and see if there can be any possible justification for spending $500+ on a mini-vacation for one.

Step 5: Decide it is too selfish and way over budget to attend given the cost. Besides, tickets are sold-out by now anyway, because you know - everyone wants to hang out with the cool kids.

Step 6: Forget about Edel for a while...mostly.

Step 7: Find out that there are some mamas who are trying to unload their tickets because things came up and they cannot attend.

Step 8: Work through all the numbers and possibilities again to see if there is any chance to find a last minute way to get to Austin at minimal cost. Realize that you cannot justify shortchanging one of these mamas who paid full price and trip will still be way too much and now on short notice to the family.

Step 9: Make other plans for that weekend so as not to become a crazy Edel-attendee stalker with moderate success.

Step 10: Peruse #edel14 tag on Twitter and the 'Gram. Feel heartbroken when you hear "it is good that you are here," because, well, you're not. Throw a mini-pity-party with the world's smallest violin. Get angry with self for not going.

Step 11: Read recaps of the weekend and cry on the inside, because your soul really needed that. Alas, also realize that "it is good that you are here" relates to wherever you are, because God is working his glory in those moments too. But still...

Step 12: The light bulb pops on. Realize that because your soul really needed that, it probably was in reality less a frivolous use of money on a short self-vacation, and more an investment in yourself as a wife, mother, and woman in an isolating world. (Thanks Cate for your recap - it definitely helped me reach this little "aha!" moment.)

The moral of the story - I am saving my pennies starting now to make it a possibility to attend in the future if I can score a ticket. Not because my friends and family aren't enough, but because sometimes you need the community of kindred souls who aren't engrossed in your daily life to help lend a hand and draw you out of the mire. Thanks to all of you who have shared how God moved in your spirit during the gathering so those of us far away could experience the fruit of the weekend as well.

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Celebrating the Feminine Genius

While this blog has been around for the last three years, I've only recently really started fully exploring all that the blogosphere has to offer. What I have found over the last several months is a community of faithful, joyful, women and mothers who edify me, support me, challenge me and can commiserate with me as I walk through the steps of this crazy journey of Catholic motherhood. Heck, for that matter just plain old simple Christian motherhood. 

The shadow side of this amazing community, of course, is that I start to compare. I compare where we are in our family to where everyone else is. I compare our burdens, our successes, our size, our faith life, our tidiness, our accomplishment, and all that jazz. We know, of course, that comparison is the death of motivation in so many ways. If you haven't read Ann Voskamp's piece on throwing away the measuring stick, get to it stat! I think it is a piece I may end up printing and using as wallpaper, because boy oh boy do I struggle. 

Today, though, instead of comparing in the dark corners of my heart and mind, I wanted to share with you some of the feminine genius that is exploding around my virtual world. Now, I know there are many, many other women out there who are doing amazing things, but these were the few that just hit my radar this week.

Jennifer Fulwiler released a sneak peek at the cover of her book which will be released in March. Upon the suggestion of my husband and my friend, Mary, who was my 7QT gateway, I began my slow descent into the larger world of blogging women though Jennifer's blog, Conversion Diary. No, the "diaries" part of this name actually wasn't a hat tip to her, though I suppose it certainly could be. She really doesn't know me from Adam...well, let's say Eve, because I kind of hope she'd recognize me from Adam...but she definitely plays a pivotal role in motivating me to write more. I am so excited for her and can't wait to read memoir.

She's not the only one with a book out. Cari Donaldson (Clan Donaldson) just released her book, Pope Awesome and Other Stories. Simcha Fisher's (I Have To Sit Down) upcoming book, A Sinner's Guide to NFP, has been making the rounds. Amanda Mortus (Worthy of Agape) self-published her book of the same name, Worthy of Agape. I know there are so many others I am forgetting right now. 

Books aside, Jenna from Call Her Happy started a blog consultation business in collaboration with a friend, and reportedly they are doing quite well. Bonnie from A Knotted Life just started a short video series, her latest being some tips on a simple, meaningful Advent.  

Put aside special projects, and all kinds o' women whose blogs I read are throwing around their genius in fashion, parenting, homeschooling, cooking, crafting, reading, writing, painting, and simply being amazing models of faithful women for the world to see. 

Check these ladies out!

Me? What am I up to you ask? Oh, well, there's that speaking engagement I have in December, but that's pretty out of the ordinary here. For the most part, I just had a meltdown and am staring at a growing mountain of laundry trying to quell the latest tantrum as I procrastinate starting my books...and sometimes they're even the kids' tantrums... Oh, and I bought a new skirt*.

*I didn't really just buy a new skirt. Well, not in the last week. It's a reference to a Caroline Rhea comedy routine my college bestie and I saw years ago. She's talking about all her friends who are getting promotions, getting married, having babies...her contribution to the conversation was that she got a new skirt. Glad I could clear that up!

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Five Faves: Literary Lists

It appears God thinks I need to read more. I'm not sure if the author of time will squeeze more hours into the day, but I think it is clear I have some reading to do. (It is also clear God does not think new hair accessories or Target giftcards would help me.) I've recently won two books, which I am very excited about, but sadly have not been able to pick up and dive into. With those two, plus some others collecting dust or sitting in my wishlist, perhaps I'd better get to reading. Linking up with Hallie at Moxie Wife today to share my "must reads I haven't gotten to yet." (Affiliate links are provided so you can get your own copies if you want!)

1) One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp: I've heard nothing but glowing praise for this book. The subtitle/tagline is "Dare to live fully right where you are." Who couldn't use a little more of that and a little less of "I'll do X when Y"?? I know I surely could. Better get to getting this off my wishlist and onto my "devoured in three hours" list! I have a feeling it is that kind of book.

2) My Sisters The Saints by Colleen Carroll Campbell: This beautiful book has been gathering dust since Mother's Day, when the Hubs got it for me. It has been calling my name, but non-Kindle/iBook literature is awfully hard to read in the dark, which is generally when the house and my mind is finally quiet enough to get some reading done. I keep seeing the book or references to it everywhere lately, though, so perhaps it is time to dust it off and invest in a strong night light!

3) Small Steps for Catholic Moms by Danielle Bean & Elizabeth Foss: So funny story. I actually won this from a giveaway at CatholicMom.com, and don't have it in my hands yet. I am very much looking forward to it, though. Oh, the funny story. For more entries in the giveaway, there was an option to share on social media, with a little blurb you could just copy and paste. For expedience I just pasted the blurb onto my status on Facebook. Apparently, without editing, it made it sound like I write for CatholicMom.com. Just to be clear, I don't write for them (though if the opportunity ever came along, I would certainly entertain it with chocolate and wine...cough cough). I am, however, very much looking forward to this book, especially as the reviews have mentioned that it already presupposes that I will fall off the wagon at least once. Thus, the small steps.

4) Strange Gods: Unmasking the Idols in Everyday Life by Elizabeth Scalia: Ever since I saw a flier on a bulletin board at a parish exploring the idea of idols beyond the physical golden calves, I have been intrigued by this concept. Once again, this one remains on my wishlist and perhaps it is time to move it up the reading queue. I have heard phenomenal reviews of this book, and enjoy Elizabeth's writing at Patheos.com. After the difficulty we have staying off our handheld devices, I think maybe it is time to take a deeper look at our false attachments. The cover itself is a great indictment on where our time and energy is spent that may not fully be Christ-centered. Perhaps a good autumn weekend read with a cider and donut in hand...

Last, but most certainly not least (just the order in which the images uploaded),

5) Worthy by Amanda Mortus: This was another book I won recently thanks to Amanda! I enjoy reading Amanda on the blogosphere, and am definitely looking forward to finally poring over these pages. I think she hits home with an ache that is deep in so many women's hearts (heck, human hearts!); that feeling of unworthiness can be debilitating and is most certainly not of God. I can't wait to learn from her insights and be able to better share with others just how worthy God thinks they are! 

If you haven't read these and would like to join me, let me know. I wouldn't mind an accountability partner to keep me on my reading track. If I have missed any great books that should be on my reading list this autumn, leave me a note. Don't forget to visit Hallie at Moxie Wife for other Five Favorite lists!

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Five Faves: Ode to Verily

Lights, camera, action - let's go with this week's Five Favorites linkup with Hallie at Moxie Wife. That's right, credits roll at the end these days.

ONE:

That's right. I love this movie. From it's killer soundtrack to the Thriller dance off, this movie had me at hello (wrong movie, I know). I admit it, I was one of those unpopular, awkward girls who probably would have been sitting in a closet somewhere wishing to be a Six Chick if MHS had Six Chicks, definitely dreaming of what life would be like when I was older. I didn't have a Matty (or if I did, I was pretty darn clueless about it). This movie captures a bit of the innocence in all of us that felt that marginalization, that hope that life would be simpler, that the snotty bleepity bleeps don't win in the end. That there is something about beauty that is eternal, and nostalgic, and pure. Ain't no shame, this one's in my top ten for sure...well, top five today. Which brings me to 

TWO:

Oh, Verily Magazine, where have you been all my life (especially in my awkward teen years!)? I know, this isn't the first time I've shared this. I know the love letters have already been written and I may be late to the game, but if I could recommend a magazine to every woman out there who may be interested in fashion, music, motherhood, love, relationships, beauty, art, science, technology, (get the picture?), this would be it. In fact, I could dedicate the rest of this Five Favorites to the many things I love about this magazine. Indeed, I shall!

THREE:

Real life fashion. While fashion trends don't always fit my lifestyle, personal expression or budget, Verily interprets what is happening in the fashion world in a way that even I can catch on. I'm nowhere near fashion forward (or even fashion current), so it is nice to be able to get some coaching about how I can wear some of the trends in a way that makes sense in my life and doesn't break the bank. I LOVE that they did a Runway to Realway feature, using every day women. I LOVE the message this sends that size alone is not a measure of our beauty and fashionability. I may have just made up a new word. 

FOUR:

Inspiration. Verily champions true feminine genius. I haven't once run across some lame quiz about losing weight or having the best sex of my life. THANK YOU. What I have run across are stories about entrepreneurs, civic leaders, wives and mothers from whom I can learn. I've learned why my advanced degree isn't wasted on my children and spouse if I choose to stay home. I have learned about women who are forging the way as entrepreneurs who dedicate themselves to improving the lives of others through their products and companies. I've taken solace in reading about the struggles other women (and men) have in their work, their relationships and their lives and sharing what they have learned. I've laughed along, nodded my head in solidarity, and started dreaming bigger dreams (as well as being content in the one I'm living).

FIVE:

Approachability. Whether by email, Twitter or Facebook, the ladies at Verily are incredibly easy to interact with as a reader/fan. While I don't know them at all, the staff all seem down to earth and like women I'd happily call friends. They've taken on a huge task, basically bringing the redesigned Poise out of the movies and into our lives in the jungle that is the fashion industry (have you seen this?). Sadly, not everyone has received Verily's fresh perspective with warm hearts and open arms, but as my mom used to say, that's a sign you're doing things right.

That wraps up the Ode to Verily, Five Favorites style. Time to go watch 13 Going on 30! (PS - do any of you ladies at Verily have a pink dreamhouse with glitter wish powder in your closet? No? Ok, so my suspicions may be off base...) Head on over to Moxie Wife for more favorites!

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Setting Beauty Free

Thin is beautiful. Voluptuous is beautiful. Baby got back and that's beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Healthy is beautiful. Beauty varies between cultures and times. Youthfulness is beauty.

Everywhere you look, someone, somewhere is telling us what we ought to think is beautiful. Recently, Verily Magazine tweeted expressing they were receiving "pushback" for using "average women" as models. First, I'm not even sure what that means in the fashion world. Average weight? Average lifestyle? Non-professional models? However you slice it, though, Verily felt they were getting some criticism (which is my own interpretation of pushback).

I, for one am happy that Verily is using "average" women. I don't think this means that the average woman is just bigger than a fashion model. I think it means that average women are all across the spectrum of body size and shape. Even more than that, I think it means that beauty encompasses something  more than size.

As my body has changed in shape and size between wedding diets, marriage comfort, babies and postpartum blues, I have gone through many phases of fashion. The smaller me tried to keep a more precisely tailored look that got less and less tailored as the curves seemed to get bigger and in all the wrong places. Through my first pregnancy, I wore clothes that were likely bigger than I needed. Most of my pregnancy I just felt fat, and not pregnant, so I didn't want to show off my belly or any other growing part of me. While I did okay getting some of the baby weight off, mild depression following baby one didn't exactly lend itself to motivating myself to eat well and exercise, never mind the empty sleep bank.

Before we knew it, I was pregnant with our second shortly after our oldest turned one. This time I watched what I ate a little more - there was no more month of the Taco Bell only diet. I showed off the belly a little more, but was still fairly self conscious. I was learning to flatter the curves, but still didn't really know how. When you see a fat girl through your eyes, you see a fat girl through your pregnant eyes too. And we all know fat isn't beautiful, right?

While the blues didn't hit the same way with baby two, other mind games crept up. I got a lot of weight off, only to have it return with some friends. Notice a trend? Weight and waistline became an obsession instead of healthy patterns. Let's be real, though. We can talk in terms of being "healthy," but that really has become code for "skinny" hasn't it? Can you imagine a healthy not-so-skinny woman?

Turning to fashion, clothes shopping off the rack, pregnant or not, has always been difficult. My body is not the fashion average. My curves are too big and my torso-to-legs ratio is not symmetrical. Finding affordable clothes that flatter and fit is challenging. As I have begun to accept that my body at any size is not in isolation a definition of my beauty, I've found places that allow for my wonky shape. Truth be told, I think most of us women have wonky shapes that shift through the years. While I see a fat girl, I have friends that see themselves as skeletons. Their struggle is no less valid, though both may be grounded in visions and fear not based in real reality.

I ran across this feature in a local fashion magazine while
waiting for an appointment today. I thought this perfectly
illustrated the plight of the average woman when it
comes to fashion, beauty and self-image.

When we embrace that beauty is eternal, that it is borne of God, that it flows from the Spirit within, the reflection in the mirror begins to change. When we realize that healthy belongs in a discussion between woman and doctor, we stop thinking of health as a weight and waistline. This is not to discredit that there is such a thing as unhealthily under- or over- weight, but rather to acknowledge that these categories belong in the health professions and not popular opinion. When we free beauty from the tides of social construct, we allow our eyes to align themselves with an eternal vision free of the fashion trends of the day. We can see beauty beyond size. Magazines that use "average" women, instead of a created ideal, might receive praise without repercussion. Maybe, just maybe, we as women would begin to see ourselves as more than the reflection in the mirror, but rather as a reflection of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us. How much more beautiful the world might be!

Keep fighting the good fight, Verily, and be beautiful, ladies - remember that real beauty resides with Truth which goes far beyond skin deep.

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The Isolation of Self-Imposed Martyrdom

It's not well known that there are more martyrs being made in the current day than in generations before us, though with the current situation in the Middle East it may be more easy to believe. No question it is a grand and glorious thing to sacrifice one's life for Christ, but what of the self-imposed martyrdom exhibited by some? You know the ones I mean. (Myself!)

Mary magnifying the Lord, not sighing
upon her fate presumably.

We (read:I) are the ones that, upon learning that the Hubbers will be gone two nights one week and then a couple more days the next week, acquiesce to his request to go out with a friend, all the while thinking "that's nice that you get to go out whenever you want." You roll your eyes to heaven, sighing a saintly martyr's sigh, and say, "of course you can go, dear" though you secretly want to say "what??". Never mind the infinite demands he makes that you take time to see your friends, even if they are sometimes last minute, and well, we know how hard it is to line anything up with moms last minute, right? Nevertheless, he demands you go, but you make your excuses. You couldn't possibly find anyone to go with - it's too last minute. You're too tired. There is too much to do at home - you couldn't possibly leave. You feel guilty for leaving the kids with the husband who has worked hard all day/week and probably just wants to unwind (because you are a mindreader and know that this is what he is really thinking even if he did tell you to go. He couldn't possibly have missed time with the kids and be looking forward to it, could he?). These are the games the devil plays.

This self-imposed martyrdom leaves us isolated. We allow our friendships to be put on a back burner, losing many of them in the process, and rightly so. We are not being friends. We start to talk in terms of "when the kids are older" or "when the kids go to school" (though the homeschooling mom doesn't get that chance). We put off our relationships, our spiritual growth, our dreams and our passions because our first responsibility is our family.

While it is true that our primary vocation is as wife and mother if that is what the Lord has called us to, we are still women called into relationship with one another. We do not thrive in isolation. Not in isolation of each other, not in isolation of God. Our husbands know this, even if we are introverts. They encourage us, but we take up that martyr's banner and use our family as our crutch to avoid extending ourselves to one another. We are so often overextended at home, we can't believe that adding more relationship to the mix will be life giving, especially if we are introverts. Yet, that isolation of the self-imposed martyr is the furthest away from glorifying God. We make an idol of ourselves and our importance to our family. We deprive ourselves of the beauty that exists in banding together with others who might be able to provide us some comfort or solidarity as fellow women, wives and mothers. We, as a result, end up not being of helpful to anyone, family or God.

Perhaps it is time to put down the banner of a false, self-imposed martyrdom (because while parenting involves a whole heaping load of self-denial and surrender, parenthood does not equal martyrdom really, and it is a bit of an insult to the real martyrs). It is time to ask for what we need instead of glancing toward heaven saying "see what I mean?" regarding our well meaning and loving husbands. We cannot read their minds, so next time they offer to take the kids and send you out, by all means confirm that they mean what they say, but go! And if there is something you (read:I) want to do, by all means, ask. He does, and so should you. 

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7 Quick Takes {4.19.13}

Grace is guest hosting again this week at Camp Patton for Jen who has taken her sweet baby boy home from NICU! Hooray! Prayers during this time of transition for their family and for continued health for them all.

This week, I'm going to try to make it really quick, because the kids are sleeping, so I should be too. Never mind that I mindlessly had some coffee just a few hours ago. Oh, what was I thinking?

~1~

I'm pretty sure Pope Francis is a fan of The Pitter Patter Diaries. No, seriously. Never mind that the Hubbers reminded me quietly that our new Holy Father is not fluent in English. That's what Google Translate is for, right? Why, you might ask, do I have such a crazy notion? I shall tell you! On the day I wrote "Overcome Evil With Good," what did Papa Francesco tweet? Oh, the same thing. And on the day I wrote about the voice of worthlessness coming from the devil, what does he speak about? You guessed it - the same thing! Now, you could say that perhaps the Holy Spirit is simply whispering the same song, or the occasions of late have perhaps brought familiar Scriptures to mind for more than just the two of us. Potato, potahto. I say Papa's a fan.

~2~

So happy spring weather has finally sprung. Do hope it doesn't decide to rain all through April. I'm not sure my allergies can withstand quite that many May flowers.

~3~

Have you checked out our About Us? I had a little fun with it and updated it. The Hubbers isn't thrilled with my rendition of the whole not-a-date recollection, but he is not surprised it is there.

~4~

Nap times are getting a little less stressful at Casa McCormick...unless you count Wednesday. So I should say, Tuesday naptime went swimmingly. Speaking of swimming, I cannot wait to sign the kids up for swim lessons. Swim gear bought for the littles, and I'm contemplating trying on a suit or two from my arsenal. Let's hope my arse isn't too big.

~5~

Speaking of big arses, Jenna had a guest post at Call Her Happy with a busy mom's workout I want to try. I still don't know what a burpee is, though. I guess it is time to check Google.

~6~

Casa McCormick is going to be undergoing some minor renovations in the coming months. Bathroom makeover, a sittable front porch (yes, I made up a word), small playscape in the backyard. These are exciting times! May the Hubbers' car not die.

~7~

Did I mention I won a contest on Facebook? If you remember a while back I had a post about a new film production company a dear friend of mine started. As part of their marketing, they invited women to submit pictures displaying confidence. Yours truly won one of the packages! No, it wasn't rigged - they used a random entry generator! I got to choose between a spa basket and a photography package. Initially it was a boudoir session that was offered, so yours truly said no, but then a mini mama session was thrown in the mix, and after hemming and hawing and saying no initially, I picked the photo session. I realized I have very few photos of me with the kids because I'm usually the one snapping away. Plus, if we pull it together soon, I've got a built in Father's Day gift! Pretend you didn't see that Hubbers... :)

And th-th-th-that's all folks!

Living Life With an Eye on "What Is"

...and not "what is not," or "what I'm not." It is a daily struggle to fix our gaze on the current moment and the voice of God. The waves constantly laugh at me telling me what I am not and what is not in my life, and being more active on the old (Catholic) blogosphere just gives them more fodder to do so.

I am not a theologian.
I am not a daily Mass attendant.
I am not a homeschooler.
I am pushing 40 and do not have my own basketball team of children.
I am not a breastfeeder.
I am not a mother who makes all her own baby food.
I am not a mother who does not use processed food.
I am not a mother who only shops organic.
I am not a wife who doesn't get upset with her husband.
I am not a wife who keeps the house clean, the kids fed and has energy left over for her spouse on a daily basis.
I am not a wife who has the children tamed and dinner on the table when her husband comes home.
I am not a woman who is organized.
I am not a blogger who has taken the interwebs by storm.
I am not a joyful mother and wife all of the time.
I am not a full time working mother, but am always tired.
I am not the mom who can make macaroni art with her child, have dinner on the stove, the laundry done and folded and still have a smile on her face.
I am not...
I am not..
I am not...

The devil is in the details of comparison. I was recently having a conversation with Patty over at Tales of Me and the Husband (you should check out her blog - she's one of those joyful people I admire!) about the frustration of trying to break into a community, online in this case, but also in real life. There are always expectations based on age, marital status, faith, etc etc etc dot dot dot...and there is a lot of judgment based on what others choices have been (and then feel yours should be). We become insular, forgetting that part of our duty as married people (well, any people) is to reach out to the world as a sign of God's love. We get focused on our family, on our friends that make us feel okay about where and who we are, and forget that others are trying to make their way into this world. We forget that we don't like to be judged for our choices for our family, and while we are called to be our brothers' keepers in helping one another walk a holy walk, they are choices every family must make for themselves. We forget that we should be building each other up. We forget that our own insecurities can lead us to tear down instead of build up. It is a rough enough world out there without us raising an eyebrow at family choices that are not harmful, or not extending an inviting embrace to those who are at a different spot on the road. We get nowhere alone. So today, I vow to look at "what is" instead of "what is not" and help you to do the same. Life is rough, but heaven is worth it!

I am a woman.
I am a woman who loves the Lord and is learning to love Him more deeply.
I am a woman who had learned to live with loss.
I am a woman who is self-sufficient most of the time.
I am a woman who has gifts to share.
I am a woman who feels deeply.
I am a woman who falls daily, but keeps getting up even when I don't feel like it.
I am a woman who is searching for better ways to advocate for the least of these.
I am a woman who is trying to love and serve the Lord and bring His love to the rest of the world.
I am a wife who loves her husband.
I am a wife who appreciates that her husband loves her with the same unconditional love as Christ.
I am a wife who tries to have dinner started or at least planned most days.
I am a wife who prays with and for her husband.
I am a wife who tries to encourage and support her husband in his passions.
I am a wife who tries desperately not to nag.
I am a wife who is learning how to love her husband better.
I am a mother.
I am a mother who dances with her children.
I am a mother who sings her children to sleep.
I am a mother who snuggles her babies and slathers them with kisses.
I am a mother whose heart breaks when her babies are suffering.
I am a mother who puts food on the table.
I am a mother who enjoys the sound of her children's laughter.
I am a mother who endures the sound of her children's whining and crying despite the urge to run out the door.
I am a mother who prays with and for her children.
I am a mother who is committed to teaching her children that God loves them.
I am a mother who is committed to teaching her children to be kind, to love well and see the dignity in everyone they meet.
I am a daughter of God.
I am a daughter who is growing in patience with her mother.
I am a daughter who misses being someone's little girl, but live it out being a mother who loves on her little girl.
I am intelligent.
I am funny (even I am the only one who thinks so).
I am loving.
Whether I see it or not, I am beautiful, blemishes, extra pounds and all, if only because God created me, and He does not create ugly things. 

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are.

Five Faves {4.17.13}

Here's a glimpse into a few things I'm enjoying this week:

1) Vintage/Retro fashions: I've been struggling with my post-mom figure as many of us do. Combine that frustration with the modern day cuts and styling, and my prudish sensibilities along with curve discomfort have been at an all time high - I can rarely come home from a shopping trip with things I really like. Recently, I made a commitment to try to "thrift before new retail" for my wardrobe. This weekend, I hit the jackpot!  (Look for another Nifty Thrifty post this weekend!) It's not all retro/vintage, but the pieces I picked up that were fit me to a tee and make me feel beautiful and confident. I figured it out - I just don't fit in today's sizing and styling. Dear current fashion world, it's not me, it's you. You suck so I'm going to search out your older and wiser forerunners. Sincerely, me.

2) Lip Gloss: What are two beauty items my mom never leaves home without? Powder and lipstick, neither of which I use on any regular basis. Let's be honest - with two littles, we are lucky if I remember to wash my face if we aren't going somewhere! While that may not be entirely true, the old makeup regime is just now making a comeback, and the lips are generally ignored as I run out the door. Enter lip gloss. Love. My friend bought me one with a little shimmer a few years back as a joke (we had a funny conversation about the fate of children named Shimmer and Sparkle that was less than gracious so it will not be detailed here), but I loved it. So when I saw a similar tube at Payless of all places, I picked it up with high hopes. It did not disappoint, except in failing to have a built in locator as it is always hiding. It's sheer enough that I don't feel too painted, but adds just enough color that it makes me look and feel a little more lively. Sadly, the Hubs is not a fan of lip gloss smooches, though generally that presents itself as a challenge. Challenge accepted....

3) Dove Beauty Experiment: We always talk about how we are our worst enemies when it comes to body image. This video from Dove highlighting a "sketchy" experiment allows us to concretely visualize how true that is.

4) Rosary App: While there is no substitute for the full sensory experience of praying the rosary with beads in hand, I always seem to need something to keep me focused and on count. I recently came across an app for that. There are certainly many rosary apps to choose from, but I love this one created by Valent Richie. You can read an interview the Hubbers recently conducted with him on his blog, Catholic Bibles, to find out more.

5) Pajamas: Let's just say it has been a long while since mama has had some real pajamas. Since the birth of Li'l G, I've basically paired whatever pair of knit or flannel pants were close with a t-shirt that would eventually end up dirty anyway. Enter March 2013 and new, real pajamas. Now we're not talking anything fancy or lacy or racy, because let's be real - I still have mom duties in the wee hours and I'm definitely all about comfort these days anyway. They are, however, matching capris and t-shirt, with cute grey, yellow, and white flowers/polka dots. I hear grey and yellow is all the rage - look at me being all fashion current! Anyway, love the pajamas - they actually make me feel human and not like a slovenly monster that mopes around the house running after little people.

To see what other superfragilistic favorites people are talking about this week, visit Hallie at Moxie Wife! Be sure to tell her how beautiful Charlie is!

They'll Just Keep Eating

The news about the Kermit Gosnell trial has now gotten everyone atwitter (pun intended). There are some serious questions as to why there hasn't been more mainstream media coverage of the events, and I think they are valid. I have done my best to find out the gist, but stay away from the details for my own sanity.

Two things have happened over the course of the day since writing about the issue this afternoon. One, that darn Mary over at Let Love Be Sincere has gone done and made the whole thing real. She brings up some excellent points and asks some disturbing questions. You really need to read her blog if you haven't. That leads me to the next point.

I've become more and more curious about the coverage of the whole debacle. Aside from the gruesome details, I've noticed a few other disturbing facts. We can certainly question where the mainstream media is and why they aren't covering what is sure to be one of the greatest atrocities of our time. The equally interesting and convicting question is where were we when all this was happening? Why didn't we know about this sooner? Why wasn't there outrage when he was arrested (or was there?)? Why didn't we act?

Mary and I did a presentation many moons ago at a Theology on Tap about social justice and our duty as Catholics. It was around the time that Hotel Rwanda came out, and we used a quote from that movie that truly nested itself in my heart. In the movie, the Hutus are excited for international news coverage because this, they believe, means the war and genocide will soon be resolved as the international community could not let it continue. One of the reporters bluntly tells Paul Rusesabagina, the hotel owner, that the people watching will say, "Oh my God, that's awful!" and then they'll go back to eating dinner.

Sadly, isn't that what happens here? We are so detached, we sit outraged for the moment, and then we go back to our comfortable lives, not really changed or convicted. We go back to eating dinner. Rarely are we so sick about injustice that we lose our appetites enough to leave our comfort behind. Until I read Mary's post, I was able to keep the issue at arm's length even amidst my outrage. She has made it real. She has made me think of my own precious, beautiful children whose cries I heard in the delivery room, whose little scrunchy faces I kissed flavored with salty tears, whose hair I stroked under the silly hats they wore, who I nestled at my breast as soon as I could after recovery. THAT is the cry they heard. THAT is the cry that was silenced by savage murder. Sadly, that is the cry that is never allowed to draw breath and let loose in late term abortion, the procedure that would have made what happened in that clinic legal if the baby had not yet exited its mother's body. That is real, my friends and it is evil. It is just as evil as the killing of Hutus, a tribe fabricated by colonists to create division and conquer. It should make us lose our appetites, but once the fifteen minutes of outrage over the lack of mainstream media coverage is over, I wonder how many of us will go back to our dinner tables and life as usual.

I cannot imagine that this is an isolated incident. I wonder how many other clinics are being overlooked, how many other women and babies butchered. I wonder what it will take for our President and politicians to put the interest of their careers aside to protect the most vulnerable among us and outlaw such barbaric practices. Yes, they are evil. They are barbaric. When will we start framing the issue ourselves with the language of truth rather than a language of defense? When will we wake up to see that if not us, there is no one to speak? When will we realize that while we seem outraged today, there are people who are actively proposing to call murder and infanticide "post-birth abortion" not as an exercise in satire, but as a tool of evil whether they recognize it or not? When will we realize that the geography of living shouldn't determine the right of a living human being to be protected from murder? When will we be convinced that if we are not willing to fight for the very right of a person to exist then none of our human rights are safe or have meaning?

It is time we stopped keeping calm and carrying on. Where the heck did that start anyway? I say stand up and make a ruckus! If we don't do it now while we still have that freedom, there may be no one left when it's us under persecution.

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Catholic.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

~ Martin Niemöller ~