Five Favorites: Get Ready for Pentecost!

The Spirit is coming! The Spirit is coming! Who's ready for Pentecost? Here are five songs to get you in the spirit for the coming of the Spirit. (Go ahead. Groan.)

{ONE}

Holy Spirit, Francesca Battestelli

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord

{TWO}

Burning in My Soul, Matt Maher

Whoa, hear the sound from Heaven

Whoa, a mighty rushing wind

Whoa, we're calling for revival

God let Your fire fall again

It's burning in my soul...

{THREE}

Soul on Fire, Third Day

God, I'm running for Your heart

I'm running for Your heart

Till I am a soul on fire

I wanna be

Till I am a soul on fire

Till I am a soul on fire

{FOUR}

Consuming Fire, Third Day

Set this place on fire

Send Your spirit, Saviour

Rescue form the mire

Show your servant favor

Yesterday was the day that I was alone

Now I'm in the presence of Almighty God

{FIVE}
Spirit of the Living God, Phil Wickham

Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me

Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me

Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me

Hope this helps get you in the mood for the firefall of Pentecost. (Do you have any favorites I missed?)

Come, Holy Spirit, come!! Now, let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus!

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{May Sketch-Along} Come, Holy Spirit

It's here! It's here! The first ever Pitter Patter Diaries Sketch-Along is here!

"The purpose of art is nothing less than the upliftment of the human spirit.' 

~ St. John Paul II

My creative journey has taken a long time to develop, ranging from completely inactive because an art teacher told me I really couldn't draw, to wildly creative because I had all the time in the world and tried my hand at every medium. I am settling into a creative voice finally - one that believes art should bring joy to the soul and lift it up to the One who created all the beauty that exists. Some of that includes painting, some writing, some drawing, some graphic design, some photography. See? I still can't settle on a medium!

Regardless of what your creative journey has been or your actual/perceived proficiency in any given medium, please join me in creating art that lifts the soul. With Pentecost just a couple weeks away, the theme for May is the Holy Spirit. You could use a quote. You could use Scripture. You could just make something up if you so choose. Please, just join me in sharing with the world the beauty and power of the Holy Spirit.

Leave me a comment if you think you'd like to "sketch-along," and if you find yourself posting about your creation, leave a link in the comments so I can follow along and be inspired too! At the end of the month, if I have your permission, I will post a wrap-up featuring all of our work with a link to your websites (if you have them). No blog or website is necessary to participate, of course.

Until next time, let's get out there and love 'em like Jesus!

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WIWS: Adorning the Temple

After what seems like roughly 3.14159 million light years, I am back with a What I Wore Sunday post and linkup with the ladies at Fine Linen & Purple. Without further ado, here is what I wore to Mass:

Sweater: Target clearance

Scarf: Florence, Italy on our honeymoon

Skirt: Thrifted

Tights: really old

Boots: DSW

Glasses: Costco

Hair: Waved ... it's my new thing.
Porch Decor: Still Halloween, though a squirrel took a bite out of Raphael there.

--------------------------------- ///\\\///\\\ ---------------------------------

“It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up silent with our chests rising & falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care in your heart. There’s no mirror in your way when you're laughing and smiling and pure happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly your authentic self.”

– Unknown (shared by Hallie on the Moxie Wife FB page)

That quote popped up on my Facebook feed this morning and made me cry. Thanks, Hallie. :)

It has been awhile since I have really taken the time to intentionally dress for Mass. Last week I got tired of just throwing on clothes and running out the door, and this week, I connected the dots of the transformation that had taken place in me since I had last participated. Oddly enough, the lightbulb went on when I was in Target and was uninterested in accessories or clothing for myself. That Target is a magical place...

While some of that disinterest is from a place of craving more simplicity, some of it really is borne out of frustration that I feel frumpy or dowdy in most anything I wear. I do not feel good about myself when I look in a mirror, and so I simply throw on something that looks okay and move on about my day. I've been so focused on the outside that I didn't stop to think about how it was connected with what was going on in my heart. 

In my last post, I talked about the chaos that seems to be ruling the day. It is unsettling for me to live in chaos, and to be so unsettled interiorly quickly leads to a downward spiral into apathy. It becomes all too overwhelming and I begin to shut down. I stop putting in effort on myself, on my home, on my dreams, and even in my prayers. It is a dangerous place, but faced with exhaustion mentally, physically, and spiritually, I go into bare minimum mode. 

It is also amazing how bringing something into the light and laying it at the foot of the cross truly begins another transformation. Things are still chaotic, but we are making progress on that front. As things in the home become more orderly, and I make more of an effort to provide the tiniest bit of structure to my prayer life even if it doesn't quite appear robust, I begin to see again how the exterior can influence the interior and vice versa. Sometimes it is precisely when I feel the worst that I need to make an effort to look my best so I can remind myself that I am the temple of a living God. God is alive in me even when I feel like death warmed over. As such, I must adorn that temple in a way that reminds me and everyone else that the Holy Spirit is alive and well...and not a frump.

Brothers and sisters: You are God’s building. According to the grace of God given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building upon it. But each one must be careful how he builds upon it, for no one can lay a foundation other than the one that is there, namely, Jesus Christ.

Do you not know that you are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for the temple of God, which you are, is holy. 1 COR 3:9C-11, 16-17

I owe the One who gave everything for me everything I have. That includes my misery, my unrest, my sadness, and my frustration. It is in those things that I am most united with my Jesus on the cross, and it is in that unity that any suffering, real or perceived, is put into perspective. It is in those moments that I am reminded that I am a stranger in a strange land and that my true home will be in heaven. 

No, I am not healed from whatever is plaguing me at the moment. I am sick, and I am exhausted. I still feel like a bit of a misfit in my body and in my life despite the fact that I really do recognize just how blessed I am. I love my husband and my children - God gave me all I had been desiring. This isn't a plea for pity, though I will take prayer. I am, however, recommitted to offering everything to the One who is everything to me...and to making sure He remains everything to me. He is the air I breathe, He is my joy, my energy, my blessing, my hope, my direction, my dream, my consoler, my source of the love I want to feel and give. I surrender all to Him, over and over and over until it becomes second nature, which may take eternity for this little control freak of a mama!

Suscipe

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,

my memory, my understanding,

and my entire will,

All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.

To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.

Give me only your love and your grace,

that is enough for me.

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Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings...

"Remember: feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment but that doesn’t mean they have the right to boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings!" Lysa TerKeurst, "Unglued"

Feelings. We all have them. Some of us are distracted by them. Some of us avoid them. Some of us are ruled by them. Some of us deny them. Science tries to define them as chemical reactions, but faith informs us that there is more. Left alone, feelings can wreak havoc. Feelings are, after all, fickle. They come and go, with science contributing some truth into the picture of how they work. Kept in balance with reason and faith, feelings can prove to be a valuable tool.

In growing into motherhood, there are many feelings I had never anticipated experiencing...and many I didn't know existed inside me. Rage, despair, utter joy, complete detachment, inexplicable attachment...they are all brimming beneath the surface just waiting to break loose. I did not expect that I would not love every.last.moment with my child. I did not expect that there would be days I felt like throwing in the towel. I did not expect someone so small to be so incredibly profound. I did not expect such a little soul to convict my heart and be able to bring me to my knees in repentance and prayer. I did not expect my hormones to rage a war on my sanity for such a long time after giving birth, or for my cycle to never return to what I knew. I did not expect that I would tire of being touched, even by those I love the most. I did not expect that I would question my ability to be an adequate mother, let alone a good one. That was always a given in my mind before I became one. I did not expect that my patience, fortitude, sanity and confidence would be tested in such extreme ways. I did not expect the exhilaration that comes from winning one of those tests. I did not expect the visceral joy of seeing my children reach different milestones. 

In good and in bad ways, there was so much I did not expect. There was so much that no person can teach you to anticipate. Each experience is different, not only between people, but between children. I've come to understand that you simply cannot be prepared. You can make preparations, but you will never be prepared for the roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, I have motion sickness, so the experience can be a little dizzying. 

Maturing in faith and in motherhood, I realize that I will not always enjoy every little task or always feel like doing what needs to be done. In fact, there are many things I must do that I would rather not. Yet they must get done. Mouths must get fed and more than once a day. Clothes must get cleaned and eventually put away. Bodies and homes must be cleaned. These are not glamorous nor my strength or first inclination, but with each wipe, each stir, each fold love spills out if I let go of my feelings and remember those faces...and the One face. His face. His Spirit that stirs up in each of those little (and not-so-little) people under this roof. Even when I've tired of picking up the strewn about toys, the shrill tantrum, the whine with no cheese, the Spirit remains. Even when the thought of putting together one more puzzle, building one more tower or reading one more book makes me want to run under the covers where I would rather be, the Spirit remains. My feelings will come and go, but His Spirit remains embedded in the hearts of these people sharing this life of mine. His promise remains. His Word remains. Love remains.

My feelings? They are fickle. God's promise? Eternal. That sets me free from being ruled by my feelings alone, however natural, however fleeting. His Word, His Spirit, His Love, His Promise - these are the compass by which I must navigate the feelings that too often begin to direct my path. 

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures 

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy reigns

Unending love, amazing grace

Amazing Grace, Chris Tomlin

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On A Mission from God...With Littles in Tow!

If you are anything like me, your earnest desire to live out the faith sometimes seems a little like a pipe dream lost between teething and potty training minions. The heart wants what it wants, though...or rather, the Spirit wants what the Spirit wants. The early years of parenting have caused me to step back and reflect, especially given the goal of my writing - love selflessly, serve joyfully, live boldly. What we are doing to really live out our mission as Christian disciples (and apostles)? Are we continuing to learn whatever Jesus sends us by way of the Holy Spirit? Are we continuing to spread the Gospel message, the message of good news and great joy, the message of salvation through a self-sacrificing, loving Savior?

My head starts to spin a little bit when I look back at all the things I used to do before marriage and children - well, mostly children but they came pretty much soon after the marriage. I was able to pick up at a moment's notice and go. I had no hesitation to go into Detroit in the wee hours to serve in whatever way I was called. I was able to shake the dust off my feet without looking behind or ahead. Now, I have to put on someone else's coat and shoes before we stomp the dirt off our feet, and it is anything but a quick process.

In the midst of a headspin, I realized that I was still thinking of my mission the same way I did when I didn't have a husband or children. The truth is that as I fall more deeply into my vocation as wife and life as a mother, the way God is asking me to fulfill his mission, should I choose to accept it, is changing. The end result is still the same. Make disciples. Share the Good News. Proclaim the name of Jesus. Only now, it looks a little different than in my days without minions. The truth is, my mission now looks as it always should have. As Mother Teresa was quoted as saying, "Love begins at home." Here are a few things I realized that helped me get back into focus.

1) Now, my main mission is raising my children to arm themselves with Christ and take up the cross on their mission.

2) To raise them as fervent disciples, I have to live a life of example. Not in the "pack your bags we're moving to Africa" way, unless that is how the Holy Spirit moves us, but in all the little ways. Life is now about little things - little people, little gestures, little mortifications, little steps that lead us to faithfulness on our mission. Perhaps it has always been that way. Large gestures have a certain glamour about them. Building the Kingdom is hardly glamorous work.

3) I have to involve them in the work of mercy, both corporal and spiritual. We have to pray together, serve together and love together. Li'l G is old enough now that she could easily help me pick out items at the grocery store for the local food pantry, or choose toys she has outgrown for other charities. When the kids are on good behavior and we are all healthy, they sure have contagious smiles that could light up the halls of a local senior center, with voices to match. I have to start gaining patience and help them start developing the habit of intentional charity.

4) I cannot be afraid to praise the name of Jesus. The kids will learn what they see, so I need to step outside of my fear of offending someone if I were to praise Jesus for a blessing or offer to pray with someone in a time of need right there on the spot. They need to know that mission begins with prayer and centers on Christ.

5) We have to cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit and be willing to move upon prompting. We must pray in the Spirit to know what our mission is, in the larger sense and in a daily sense. What is God asking of us today? Is there someone God has placed on our heart that needs our prayer, or needs to hear our voice? How immediately do we respond? Do we even hear?

6) Heaven has to be our goal - both for ourselves and everyone around us. If we lose that eternal perspective, sharing the Gospel becomes less important. Studying the lives of the Saints, of the ones who have "made-it,' can inspire our creativity in living out our mission and offer encouragement as we navigate our own paths.

7) Mercy needs become a habit. We have to look on others through the eyes of love so we can share with them the intimate, passionate love God has for them. We can't do that if we are busy counting their flaws. We have to learn to look past the surface to where each of us is broken. We have to be willing to extend a hand or an ear, to call upon the name of Jesus to heal and to restore.

8) Though we can't pick up and go physically as easily anymore, technology makes it a snap to travel to places virtually. Through the use of technology, we can connect ourselves with those who are in other areas of the world. We can be virtually, yet intimately, involved in the work the Church is doing throughout the world and make learning about and participating in these ministries a focus of our family prayer time.

9) We need to introduce ourselves to our neighbors. Literally. Who is living next door? We live on a rather busy street, so it is hard for us to gather on our porches or sidewalks to cultivate the kind of relationship we had with our neighbors when I was growing up in small town Iowa. Nevertheless, we have to get to know them. We are definitely improving on that score, but we have a long way to go. Reaching out is essential.

10) Last, but certainly not least, humble pie has got to be on the menu at the Casa. As we go on our mission, we have to be absolutely resolute on the fact that ain't none of it our own work. In the same way, we have to remember we can never argue or bully anyone into the Kingdom. We can share our love of Jesus and His love of them. We can share our knowledge and our experience. At the end of the day, it is the movement between God and each person. We are just messengers.




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Setting Beauty Free

Thin is beautiful. Voluptuous is beautiful. Baby got back and that's beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Healthy is beautiful. Beauty varies between cultures and times. Youthfulness is beauty.

Everywhere you look, someone, somewhere is telling us what we ought to think is beautiful. Recently, Verily Magazine tweeted expressing they were receiving "pushback" for using "average women" as models. First, I'm not even sure what that means in the fashion world. Average weight? Average lifestyle? Non-professional models? However you slice it, though, Verily felt they were getting some criticism (which is my own interpretation of pushback).

I, for one am happy that Verily is using "average" women. I don't think this means that the average woman is just bigger than a fashion model. I think it means that average women are all across the spectrum of body size and shape. Even more than that, I think it means that beauty encompasses something  more than size.

As my body has changed in shape and size between wedding diets, marriage comfort, babies and postpartum blues, I have gone through many phases of fashion. The smaller me tried to keep a more precisely tailored look that got less and less tailored as the curves seemed to get bigger and in all the wrong places. Through my first pregnancy, I wore clothes that were likely bigger than I needed. Most of my pregnancy I just felt fat, and not pregnant, so I didn't want to show off my belly or any other growing part of me. While I did okay getting some of the baby weight off, mild depression following baby one didn't exactly lend itself to motivating myself to eat well and exercise, never mind the empty sleep bank.

Before we knew it, I was pregnant with our second shortly after our oldest turned one. This time I watched what I ate a little more - there was no more month of the Taco Bell only diet. I showed off the belly a little more, but was still fairly self conscious. I was learning to flatter the curves, but still didn't really know how. When you see a fat girl through your eyes, you see a fat girl through your pregnant eyes too. And we all know fat isn't beautiful, right?

While the blues didn't hit the same way with baby two, other mind games crept up. I got a lot of weight off, only to have it return with some friends. Notice a trend? Weight and waistline became an obsession instead of healthy patterns. Let's be real, though. We can talk in terms of being "healthy," but that really has become code for "skinny" hasn't it? Can you imagine a healthy not-so-skinny woman?

Turning to fashion, clothes shopping off the rack, pregnant or not, has always been difficult. My body is not the fashion average. My curves are too big and my torso-to-legs ratio is not symmetrical. Finding affordable clothes that flatter and fit is challenging. As I have begun to accept that my body at any size is not in isolation a definition of my beauty, I've found places that allow for my wonky shape. Truth be told, I think most of us women have wonky shapes that shift through the years. While I see a fat girl, I have friends that see themselves as skeletons. Their struggle is no less valid, though both may be grounded in visions and fear not based in real reality.

I ran across this feature in a local fashion magazine while
waiting for an appointment today. I thought this perfectly
illustrated the plight of the average woman when it
comes to fashion, beauty and self-image.

When we embrace that beauty is eternal, that it is borne of God, that it flows from the Spirit within, the reflection in the mirror begins to change. When we realize that healthy belongs in a discussion between woman and doctor, we stop thinking of health as a weight and waistline. This is not to discredit that there is such a thing as unhealthily under- or over- weight, but rather to acknowledge that these categories belong in the health professions and not popular opinion. When we free beauty from the tides of social construct, we allow our eyes to align themselves with an eternal vision free of the fashion trends of the day. We can see beauty beyond size. Magazines that use "average" women, instead of a created ideal, might receive praise without repercussion. Maybe, just maybe, we as women would begin to see ourselves as more than the reflection in the mirror, but rather as a reflection of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us. How much more beautiful the world might be!

Keep fighting the good fight, Verily, and be beautiful, ladies - remember that real beauty resides with Truth which goes far beyond skin deep.

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Easter Isn't Over: C is for Charism & Courage

We are on our way to Pentecost, when we celebrate the great outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Each of us was given a full dose of the Holy Spirit at our baptism. At confirmation, we believe that dose of the Holy Spirit is stirred up as we reach adulthood to give us fuller knowledge of the special supernatural gifts God has granted us. Then there is baptism in the Spirit, which we believe is a further unlocking and stirring up of that Spirit that is already within us, further unlocking the graces given to us at our Baptism.

Long story short (and to quote a dear friend) - we have superpowers. Our children have superpowers, too. I don't mean exceptional natural talents. I mean abilities that are powered by supernatural means (aka the Holy Spirit). 

“To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.” 1 Corinthians 12:8-12

For the purpose of forming disciples and creating apostles, the Catherine of Siena Institute has done some incredible work in developing tools to help people identify and hone their superpowers. Their premise is that you don't live and work out of your charisms if you don't know them, and you don't know for sure what they are if you don't use them and see what happens. There is an inherent risk of failure, yes. Many of us fear looking foolish by exercising our gifts for the common good, forgetting that if it is indeed our charism, the strength to exercise it doesn't come from us. If it is not our charism, we need to be humble enough to accept failure and move on. 

Though we tend to manifest a similar set of charisms through our life, there are also times the Holy Spirit will grant us use of certain superpowers for special purposes. We can also always pray for new charisms, such as healing, prophecy, etc. In this season of Easter, wouldn't it be glorious if the people of God were able to give witness to the resurrection of Christ through signs and wonders? Jesus wasn't the only one to raise people from the dead - there have been saints who have been able do harness the power of the Holy Spirit to do so as well. Talk about a superpower! (Apparently there is a book about 100 saints who raised the dead - not a bad read for the Easter season. Thanks to Sherry Weddell for that tip!)

To perform these miracles, signs and wonders, or even to act out of our other charisms for the greater good, takes courage. We have to tap into a holy boldness with utter trust that the Lord has got our back. He promised that faith even the size of a teeny tiny mustard seed would allow us to move mountains. How small my faith must be that I can't even move a small pebble. 

This Easter I continue to work on praying for a honing of my spiritual gifts. After our experience in Ann Arbor, I know I need to ask and trust with boldness for the gifts which will allow others to experience the risen Christ in awe. I need to work on acquiring courage to step out in faith and use the gifts. [Who knows, Sherry, I may even make the time to finish up my interview from the Called & Gifted workshop to get more direction about where and how the Lord may want to use me. It's only been a handful or two of months, right? I'm guessing procrastination is not an actual superpower or I'd be set.]

The more I am able to hone my own gifts and live in the power of the Holy Spirit, the better I will be able to recognize what may be charisms in my own children and instill in them the courage to live out of them. A deeply profound moment for me was listening to a colleague talk about how she helped her daughter pick her classes in high school. Coming from an all-honors, straight A expecting household, I was surprised when she said she advised her daughter not to take honors math because that just wasn't her gift. Instead, she had her double up on her humanities, which aligned with both her talents and her gifts. Floored. I'd never heard of such a thing. Since then, I have been determined to do the same for my children. What a gift it would be to help them learn to live in and call on the power of the Holy Spirit from a young age! What better purpose for their lives than to figure out how God wants to use them at any given time?

Do you know what your superpowers are? Your children's? How do you use them?

The Living Power of God

The Hubbers and I were tremendously blessed to get away this weekend to a conference in Ann Arbor. Called the Charism School, the weekend allowed us to grow closer to Christ, practice the presence of the Holy Spirit, and deeply recognize how little we tap into the power that God has given us through our baptism and the gift of his Holy Spirit. We realized how easily we are enslaved by the flesh and ways of the world and how little we truly believe the promises God has given to us as believers. 

I'm going to begin with an apology. I am breaking every rule of witness I have ever learned and was definitely given to me this weekend. This is a LOOONG post, so I hope you will stick with me. To play by the rules, I'll give my elevator minute version first. This weekend I gave words of knowledge from God to a stranger and received words of knowledge from a stranger that were accurate and relevant. I saw people miraculously healed of physical ailments. I experienced deliverance from things I had been struggling with for a long time, some of which I didn't even name correctly. I have been convicted in a very real way that Jesus is alive - today and every day. Now for the longer story for more details...

I confess, I read Scripture and while I "believe" that miracles are still possible, I kind of figure God has chosen other people to work them. Priests, pastors, preachers, missionaries, etc etc etc dot dot dot. Not little old me who struggles with her own spiritual darkness and lack of discipline. Well, let's just say that this weekend shook my out of my "not me tree." Now, I'm not claiming to be performing miracles just yet, but I am convicted that each and every one of us who has been baptized into the life of Christ as priest, prophet and king can, in fact, be a conduit for miracles. Let's be clear - we do not perform them. We offer our active faith and allow God to use us to perform supernatural deeds.

The school is taught by Damian Stayne, who founded Cor et Lumen Christi, an international ministry devoted to miracle healings and deliverance. He is clear. As believers, especially in this world, for the glory of God, we must perform signs and wonders - we are commanded to perform greater miracles than Christ. (We are, of course, commanded to do this out of love for God and our neighbor, not vanity in our ability to do wonders in demonstration of our own glory.) "Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it." John 14:12 

During the course of the weekend, we focused on placing ourselves in the presence of the Holy Spirit and growing in faith to open our hearts to do His works. First we practiced giving words of knowledge. These are bits of information or insights from God for another person - this weekend specifically people we had never met before and had no way of having prior knowledge about. I was ridiculously nervous. What if I was the only one who didn't have a revelation? What if I didn't have enough faith or wasn't holy enough? What if, what if, what if? Well, the other piece of the puzzle that Damian was clear on was that acting with the power of God requires a willingness to risk - to risk being foolish, to risk our reputations, to risk being wrong (being cautious not to do harm). So there I sat, praying, waiting for God to give me giant revelations. And my heart started beating faster. I could feel every bit of anxiety welling up and springing forth. In faith I took a deep breath and kept praying for something, anything that might be a word of knowledge from God to my partner. You know what? The littlest thing that I thought was nothing and a distraction in my prayer was in fact a word to my prayer partner. I had an image and phrase come into my mind that meant nothing to me and seemed irrelevant. Well, to me it was - but not to her. It wasn't some giant revelation, but it was relevant to something she was struggling with recently. Holy smokes! I know the Hubbers had a similar experience. In fact, almost everyone there was able to give a word that was specific and relevant to their partner (who in all cases was supposed to be a stranger to them). We're not talking in vagueries here, either. No "your fortune will increase" or "you will meet a stranger" nonsense of fortune telling. We are talking about very specific, albeit seemingly small, words from God.

Imagine if we always were able to discern what some random thoughts in our minds during prayer were meant!??

Part of the school included a miracle healing service led by Damian Stayne as well. Though I will admit a certain prejudice to skepticism, I cannot be skeptical of healings that I saw with my own eyes. I will share one - there was a man who came in able to walk only with the aid of a walker. It turns out he had just had surgery earlier in the week. After being prayed over, the man was not only able to walk, but could jog around the church with Damian. Yes, it is the stuff of movies, yet it was very, very real. No plants in the audience - we saw this man on our way in well before the service. Scores of others were healed of less dramatic ailments, and admittedly, some did not receive healing (myself included). It is easy to remain skeptical, but after seeing that man I mentioned before, I cannot be fully so. What power we have if we act in faith and are received in faith! Certainly, it may be God's will that a healing not occur for the greater good of salvation, but what if He wants to heal us and we don't grant him our faith and our will to "make it so" - what then?? How many of us walk around burdened with ailments that God has intended to heal? 

The last part of the school that was a profound experience for me was the deliverance session. I should be clear - first, this has nothing to do with that horrendously, awful, disgusting movie. And two, it is not the stuff of movie exorcisms. Those are conducted only by approved and official exorcists. Somewhat reassuring to me, as the supernatural haunting genre seriously creeps me out, was the reminder that if we earnestly give our will and assent to God (regardless of our human failings in that respect), we are not able to be possessed. So the deliverance here was from oppression and other areas of spiritual warfare. No Exorcism of Emily Rose moments, praise God. I know for me, it was the most powerful prayer I have ever received, at least since my initiation into the Church. I've shared that I had been struggling with frustration and anger, as well as self-doubt, to a point where it was truly weighing down on me. I can explain it no better than this - we first prayed a prayer of renunciation of a multitude of sins - as soon as self-hatred was mentioned, tears were flowing. I never knew THAT was what it was...I just thought of it as low self esteem in certain plaguing areas. When the prayer of deliverance was said over us, all that weight, weight I really hadn't even sensed as physical  completely lifted. I literally felt myself stand up straighter and hold my head up. Immediately. Then the weeping started, because let's face it, I'm a woman and that is my method of release (apparently emotional AND spiritual). We saw and heard many other things during that session which I cannot and will not share, but if I didn't believe that we were in a battle of powers and principalities before, I surely do now. I believe that it is NOT the big things that plague us, either - we can be faithful people and be oppressed by things that we open ourselves to unknowingly and willingly. The little things most definitely matter and can be used for the power of God or by the power of darkness. It's not just for movies or the pages of a Bible or the third world. It is real. It is now.

So what is the moral of this story? I need a stronger prayer life for myself. We as a family need to simplify and make more room for God so that we can be used by him to fulfill his mission and spread his Gospel so all may believe. We need to pray, pray, pray for our children and with our children. Pray for their protection. Pray for their faith. Pray for an intimate knowledge of the unyielding love of God so when other forces tempt them to stray, they know they are forever in the arms of love. We must be wise and in constant discernment of the things that we allow to influence us. Do we live in excess? Do we hold on to pastimes and entertainment that takes our eyes off of Christ? This isn't to say that we can only watch EWTN or listen to Christian music. What is it we are opening ourselves to, though, in what we allow in? Fr. John Riccardo in his preaching says "garbage in, garbage out." The garbage sticks to us, too, though, so we have to be ever mindful without becoming over-scrupulous, of course. Lastly, we reflect what surrounds us - we are in need of a community of believers where we can practice living in the power of the Holy Spirit and exercising the gifts God has given us. There simply are not enough communities around - Christ the King in Ann Arbor is exceptional. We are not in Ann Arbor. We are not in the Diocese of Lansing. We need community here that fits our season of life. We need the Church to be that gift to us so we can grow in our gift to the community. Sadly, we realized that as so much in young adult and young family ministry, if we want it, we may have to build it. At a time when we are so very stretched, that is a sad realization after such a fantastically high weekend. We know, though, if God is calling and it is His will, He will pave the way. Let's see what the months ahead reveal...