Become an Ambassador Of Love

I went to confession yesterday. Apparently, I was not the only one who felt a need for a little soul scrubbing. In fact, the room was packed and there was a line down the hall. It was so full that the solo priest hearing confessions may have asked us to say our Act of Contrition before entering. I won't go into how I feel about that.

My desire to lay all my garbage at the foot of the cross to be lifted up in mercy initially had nothing to do with the events that had transpired at the end of the week. However, as I prayed about what I was truly seeking freedom from through the sacrament, I realized something. While it may not have been the cause for me to feel ill at ease with the health of my soul, it was certainly contributing to my unease. The "it" my friends was not the actual decision by the Supreme Court to recognize same-sex marriage. At this stage of our culture, I already assumed that to be a foregone conclusion. The "it" that had me so bothered internally had to do with our own reactions to this development. 

So many of those whom I look to for direction and inspiration in faith and morals seemed to have lost their center. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. There was fear. There was resignation. There was excessive melodrama. There was a whole lot of spiraling forward into a bleak future. 

Don't get me wrong. I understand. I do. Our understanding of the world was shaken...or was it? Don't we as Christians still believe the same thing? Isn't our witness needed as much today as it was yesterday? Is all our wailing and toddler-sized tantrum throwing giving witness to our firm faith and confidence that Jesus has already overcome the world? I'd answer that with a GIANT no.

How do we move forward in faith? This question was nagging on my heart as I sat waiting to make my confession. What is it Christ is calling ME to do...or not do? I want to write and speak volumes because I don't want to remain silent. Yet, is that what God is calling me to do? Would all my speaking and writing bring one heart closer to Him? What about all those friends and family I love who are rejoicing with the change of the law in the land? How would my words help them know my love and God's love amid my conviction that as humans we cannot simply legislate natural law away?

You know what I discovered? I have NO idea. That's what. I don't know what the right thing to say is that both affirms the dignity of my LGBT friends and family and acknowledges the pain and suffering they have endured while also sharing what I believe to be God's design for love, life, and humanity. I don't. I just don't. I just got on my knees and threw up my hands and prayed. 

Make me an instrument of your peace, of your love, of your truth. 

May those who see me know You...know Your love, know Your mercy, know Your goodness. 

Why? I am an ambassador of Christ. I am NOT Christ. My job is to bring people to Him, and I will not do that through lectures and tantrums. I will not do that by turning away from those I disagree with or getting into a battle of Facebook statuses and profile pictures. The only way I can be an ambassador of Christ is to be a stranger in a strange land willing to open my heart and walk alongside the people He sends my way, friend and stranger alike.

I got home to read a few more Facebook updates, and this time, I was encouraged - so very encouraged. The first was from the Archdiocese of Denver and their response. 

We here at the Denver Catholic figure that we have two options for how to respond going foward:

Go on the defensive. We've clearly lost the culture war, but we can try to convince the public that our view is the correct one.

Realize that we don't live in a Christian culture, and therefore must engage it as missionaries.

Option one is equivalent to declaring ourselves victims. Option two is to accept the challenge of living as authentic followers of Jesus Christ in a world that has largely forgotten Him.

Jesus Christ is real. We Christians have experienced the sweetness of a personal relationship with Him. Our mission is not to punish or coerce those who have not experienced this—instead, we must invite them into relationship. What better way to do this than to show the joy of living the Catholic faith?

The other was from Fr. Newman of St. Mary's parish in Greenville, South Carolina:

Christians must let go of nostalgia for our faded Christian civilization in order to build it again. If we can see the collapse of cultural Christianity as a great evangelical opportunity, then with joy and love we can proclaim Jesus Christ crucified and risen to the millions of people who now have only debonair nihilism to help them understand the purpose and meaning of their lives.

This was my answer to prayer. This made me feel less guilty about not being infuriated. (Yeah, I felt guilty about not losing it because maybe it meant that I wasn't devoted enough to the law of God.) This gave me...HOPE. And here the Spirit soars. Hope. Joy. Love - authentic love. As we move forward from this monumental day (and it is monumental in our cultural understanding of the nature of man, woman, and humanity), this is the answer. 

Share the joy and hope of Christ. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Love and serve your neighbor in humility.

You know that among the Gentiles those whom they recognize as their rulers lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. But it is not so among you; but whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be slave of all. For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many. Mark 10:42-45

Remember that we are not victims, and fear of the future is not from God.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

We are missionaries and ambassadors of the Most High. Claim it in love, and remember that love comes with a cross.

For the love of Christ urges us on, because we are convinced that one has died for all; therefore all have died. And he died for all, so that those who live might live no longer for themselves, but for him who died and was raised for them...So we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us; we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 20

Always remember that our actions speak far louder than our words.

As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:12-17

A friend shared this quote today, and it summed up the future for me perfectly.

"Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people; before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children; before you preach to me of your passion for your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give." - Cory Booker

The fact is that everything has changed, and nothing has changed all at once. No matter the hurricane around us, we stand firm in He who even the seas obey. No matter the prevailing sentiments of the day, we stand firm in our understanding of who we are designed to be by He who made us. No matter what is thrown at us, we must remain constant in our love for our neighbor. Jesus thirsts for them as He thirsts for us. Let us love first so that we can lead others to Christ. It is Jesus that changes hearts, not us, after all. Let's be sure we are letting Him direct ours and conform it to His. 

Want to know a secret? This is my prayer at every confession and before receiving the Eucharist. Take my heart, Lord, and conform it to Yours. It belongs to You. Lead me and transform me, all I have is Yours. Help me to see everyone as You do. Help me to thirst for them as You do, and to meet all with Love, as You do.

Another secret? I fail miserably, but He dusts me off so I can try again. I've got a feeling there will be a lot of scraped knees as we move forward in this new reality. We will stumble. We will fall. We will give into our temptations to preach and lecture and debate and fear. I know I will. The beautiful thing is that we are not alone in this, so we can remind one another to get up and walk in love and peace and joy instead. 

Go. Preach the Gospel. Serve your neighbor. Let our love be sincere and let us overcome hatred with goodness. Love 'em like Jesus - to the cross and back again...

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Easter Isn't Over: F is for Forgiveness

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22 (RSV)

Do not let resentment lead you into sin; the sunset must not find you still angry. Ephesians 4:26 (Knox)

Forgiveness is essential in a family, and especially a marriage. So many fallen creatures under one roof gives us much practice to make forgiveness an art form, and yet it is often very difficult. We would rather be vindicated! 

I once heard a quote that has stuck with me: Unforgiveness is like drinking arsenic and waiting for the other person to die. At its best, unforgiveness expends energy that is best saved or used for more positive things. At its worst, it hardens our hearts and creates a block for the Holy Spirit to flow in and through us. If we are to live as an Easter people, our hearts must not become hardened. We must learn to let go of hurts and surrender them to the Lord. Even Jesus on the cross handed forgiveness over to the Father. If we are to share the love and light of the Gospel message, we cannot do it with anger in our hearts.

It has taken me awhile to finish writing this post. I have known since I began this project that "f" would be for forgiveness, but as you see, it has been some time since the last post in the alphabet series. Until this weekend, I wasn't sure what was holding me back - I assumed it was fatigue or laziness. Wrong - it was clearly the Holy Spirit. This weekend, we were at the Renewal Ministries gathering and on Sunday morning, Sr. Ann Shields was speaking. She told a story of radical forgiveness that I now know is what I was waiting on. I warn you that the details are ugly and somewhat graphic.

Sr. Ann recalled a story from South Africa post-apartheid, when the nation was attempting to heal from deep wounds without falling into utter chaos and violence. (I may get some of the details wrong as I am attempting to paraphrase from memory.) Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu had convinced the government to hold tribunals where the perpetrators of atrocities would be granted immunity from imprisonment if they came forward and confessed their crimes to their victims. In one such case, a police officer came forward. He and his colleagues had taken a young boy, about 18, and shot him. After shooting him, they had tied him up as on a spit and burned him to destroy the evidence. A few years later, this officer and his colleagues returned to the same house, and in front of the wife, took the husband, doused him with gasoline, and burned him on a woodpile. 

The widow was present as he confessed. When asked by the tribunal what she would seek in reparation, this was the widow's request. She asked that the officer would return to the spot at which he had killed her husband and sweep up the dirt so she could attempt to give him a proper burial. He nodded in agreement. In addition, because he had taken her son from her, she requested that he visit her twice a month so she could be a mother to him. She told him that she forgave him, and that God had forgiven him. Reportedly, the room burst out into Amazing Grace, and the officer fainted.

Our own beloved (soon to be canonized!) Pope John Paul II gave us another example of radical forgiveness when he visited his attempted assassin in prison and granted him his forgiveness. This is what we are called to as Christian witnesses in the world. When we are spat upon, we respond with love and mercy. When we are persecuted, we suffer with a smile. We allow ourselves always to seek the dignity and salvation of the other. This is not to say that we allow ourselves to be walked upon, but rather, when injustice comes our way, we do not let it harden our hearts toward our perceived enemies and those who wrong us. Rather, we offer the suffering up to Jesus to use it to redeem the world, ourselves included. We retain the heart of radical love, the heart of Love Himself. We remember that the measure by which we forgive will be the measure by which we are forgiven. I for one need to be sure I leave a lot of wiggle room!

Beatitude Attitude {vol. 3}: Rejoice Always

The last week has contained a few days that have left me wondering exactly what the netherworld wants with me. In the wake of news that could leave anyone feeling as though the light might be fading, I am reminded that we are called to praise Him through the storm.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

And so we give thanks and recognize the blessing hand of God in the midst of chaos and rubble, of tragedy and heartbreak, of simply crummy days we think may never end. Here are my seven praises for this week:

1) Blessed am I to have a husband that shares my sense of humor, who I can laugh with, cry with, pout with, and grow with, knowing that at the end of the day, we will wash off the day and start anew tomorrow.

2) Blessed am I with healthy children, even with their own little ailments. This week I am reminded that not every parent is so lucky.

3) Blessed am I to have meaningful work.

4) Blessed am I that God is patient and gentle in his correction of me.

5) Blessed am I to have some holy men as good shepherds in both our home parish and our "backup" parish who preach the name of Jesus, challenge us to live the Gospel fully, and preach the hard message of truth in our times.

6) Blessed am I that spring is coming here, and the sun has been shining at least a few times a week allowing for outside time with the littles.

7) Blessed am I to have joyful children who savor life and know Christ at such a young age, even through their tantrums and growing pains. I am amazed by them daily if I shed myself of the blinders of selfishness and busy-ness

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Join me in praising God through the storms of life and link up with this post below!

They'll Just Keep Eating

The news about the Kermit Gosnell trial has now gotten everyone atwitter (pun intended). There are some serious questions as to why there hasn't been more mainstream media coverage of the events, and I think they are valid. I have done my best to find out the gist, but stay away from the details for my own sanity.

Two things have happened over the course of the day since writing about the issue this afternoon. One, that darn Mary over at Let Love Be Sincere has gone done and made the whole thing real. She brings up some excellent points and asks some disturbing questions. You really need to read her blog if you haven't. That leads me to the next point.

I've become more and more curious about the coverage of the whole debacle. Aside from the gruesome details, I've noticed a few other disturbing facts. We can certainly question where the mainstream media is and why they aren't covering what is sure to be one of the greatest atrocities of our time. The equally interesting and convicting question is where were we when all this was happening? Why didn't we know about this sooner? Why wasn't there outrage when he was arrested (or was there?)? Why didn't we act?

Mary and I did a presentation many moons ago at a Theology on Tap about social justice and our duty as Catholics. It was around the time that Hotel Rwanda came out, and we used a quote from that movie that truly nested itself in my heart. In the movie, the Hutus are excited for international news coverage because this, they believe, means the war and genocide will soon be resolved as the international community could not let it continue. One of the reporters bluntly tells Paul Rusesabagina, the hotel owner, that the people watching will say, "Oh my God, that's awful!" and then they'll go back to eating dinner.

Sadly, isn't that what happens here? We are so detached, we sit outraged for the moment, and then we go back to our comfortable lives, not really changed or convicted. We go back to eating dinner. Rarely are we so sick about injustice that we lose our appetites enough to leave our comfort behind. Until I read Mary's post, I was able to keep the issue at arm's length even amidst my outrage. She has made it real. She has made me think of my own precious, beautiful children whose cries I heard in the delivery room, whose little scrunchy faces I kissed flavored with salty tears, whose hair I stroked under the silly hats they wore, who I nestled at my breast as soon as I could after recovery. THAT is the cry they heard. THAT is the cry that was silenced by savage murder. Sadly, that is the cry that is never allowed to draw breath and let loose in late term abortion, the procedure that would have made what happened in that clinic legal if the baby had not yet exited its mother's body. That is real, my friends and it is evil. It is just as evil as the killing of Hutus, a tribe fabricated by colonists to create division and conquer. It should make us lose our appetites, but once the fifteen minutes of outrage over the lack of mainstream media coverage is over, I wonder how many of us will go back to our dinner tables and life as usual.

I cannot imagine that this is an isolated incident. I wonder how many other clinics are being overlooked, how many other women and babies butchered. I wonder what it will take for our President and politicians to put the interest of their careers aside to protect the most vulnerable among us and outlaw such barbaric practices. Yes, they are evil. They are barbaric. When will we start framing the issue ourselves with the language of truth rather than a language of defense? When will we wake up to see that if not us, there is no one to speak? When will we realize that while we seem outraged today, there are people who are actively proposing to call murder and infanticide "post-birth abortion" not as an exercise in satire, but as a tool of evil whether they recognize it or not? When will we realize that the geography of living shouldn't determine the right of a living human being to be protected from murder? When will we be convinced that if we are not willing to fight for the very right of a person to exist then none of our human rights are safe or have meaning?

It is time we stopped keeping calm and carrying on. Where the heck did that start anyway? I say stand up and make a ruckus! If we don't do it now while we still have that freedom, there may be no one left when it's us under persecution.

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Catholic.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

~ Martin Niemöller ~

Easter Isn't Over: E is for Evangelization (and Eternity)

Ok, to be honest, I picked "evangelization" for "E" so I could share the fun video below. We have a love of the Maccabeats in this house, ever since Aunt Tara introduced Li'l G to "Candlelight" and gave us a magic bullet for mesmerized silence. Here, they share the story of the Exodus using songs from the vastly popular musical, Les Miserables.



Now on to some rambling thoughts and quotes...

Evangelium - the Good News - the Gospel message of Christ. What are we doing to share this in a world where is sometimes seems that darkness and sorrow threaten to overtake us at every turn? The New Evangelization calls us to share the Gospel message in new and creative ways through modern means and media. Pope Francis places a special challenge to women, as the first witnesses of the resurrection. In his Wednesday general audience on April 3, Pope Francis addresses the role of women in the initial transmission of the gospel:

"Today, however, I would like to dwell on the second, on testimony [of the resurrection] in the form of the accounts that we find in the Gospels. First, we note that the first witnesses to this event were the women... The women are driven by love and know how to accept this proclamation with faith: they believe, and immediately transmit it, they do not keep it for themselves. They cannot contain the joy of knowing that Jesus is alive, the hope that fills their heart... This is beautiful, and this is the mission of women, of mothers and women, to give witness to their children and grandchildren that Christ is Risen! Mothers go forward with this witness!"

Driven by love to share the good news of new life and salvation with an uncontainable joy. I know that describes me most of the time (cough). In truth, perhaps that is not an accurate description. In light of the new evangelization, we are called to the additional challenge of finding new ways using new melthods that relate to the culture. Most people know I am a huge fan of social media, even with its potential for spiritual pitfalls. It gives us a way to share the good news of salvation with unprecedented speed to unprecedented numbers. New media must also be involved. Much like St. Paul in his preaching at the Aeropagus, we must find ways to engage the current culture in a language that they can understand, not in codes that no longer have meaning in a rapidly secularizing world. 

Let me draw your attention back to the quirky video by the Maccabeats. There is no reason we cannot do the same with the message of salvation. We cannot continue to spread the gospel using purely Christian terms and references in a culture that has lost biblical literacy and historical understanding. We, like Paul, have to find a way to use the language of this age to draw people into the mystery of Christ, redemption, love and salvation so we can introduce them to  the uncontainable joy that comes from following Christ out of love. Most of all, we must as mothers, find fun and engaging ways to do this with our children so it is sewn into the fabric of their hearts and minds. (For my part, Veggie Tales seems to be a quick answer for now, though the years ahead will require a little more prayer, creativity and work on my part!)

The other challenge of spreading the good news is setting our hearts beyond the present world. If we want people to understand the good news of salvation, we have to first get them to consider that this world is not all there is. If our eyes are not fixed on heaven, then the message that Christ is the way doesn't really add up to much. Happiness in this life becomes the measure by which we judge everything. Yet we know that the happiness of this world is fleeting. St. Augustine so eloquently writes in his Confessions, "you made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." St. Augustine was no stranger to the lures of the world. Yet he came to realize that this world offers us nothing pleasant or lasting that is devoid of God. All that brings us peace and joy are those things that point to our eternal home with He who created us and breathed life into us. Until we are convinced of our eternal home, the trappings of this world will always compete with the sacrifices that come with devoting our lives to Christ.

In short, we've got a lot of work to do in the name of Jesus. Let's get moving!

Update: I shared on Facebook that Li'l G thinks E should be for elephant. Here is her elephant impression:

Easter Isn't Over: B is for Blessings & Beatitudes

I've shared before that I can be a bit of a "the glass is dirty" kind of person. In this Easter season, the challenge for me is to live as a woman of the beatitudes, counting my blessings in all circumstances and helping my family do the same. Often, I get discouraged if things turn out differently than I expect, even when it isn't categorically a bad thing. To live in the beatitudes is to see the blessing in each circumstance, to see God's work at hand.

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; 

and after he sat down, his disciples came to him.

Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you 

and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, 

for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Matthew 5:1-12

In our poverty, we get a glimpse of heaven. If we do not have need of anything, if we are not poor in any way, we have no need of heaven or of God and do not long for him. In our grief, in our sorrow, in our troubles, God is with us. Being faithful doesn't mean we do not mourn or experience sorrow. It just means that we look to God for his peace and comfort instead of wallowing in our sadness. In all things good and bad, God is with us and worthy of our praise. Our joy, not to be confused with a false appearance of happiness, rests in Him. As one of our favorite songs goes:

Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful, where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name.

Blessed be your name, when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name...

This Easter I need to do a better job of resting in the blessings of the Lord, in abundance and in the desert place. That he provides for us in great abundance is reason for great joy. That the desert places make us thirst more deeply for Him is a blessing in itself. I want our children to live out of a spirit of gratitude for everything, even hardship. I want them to be adept at recognizing the blessings that pour down upon them even in the valley. I want them to be able to praise God through the storm so the can be beacons of light set upon a hill for the whole world to see. I want them to radiate Christ, who was at his most radiant in the midst of the cruelest suffering. If I want this for them, I need them to see it in me.

Perhaps I will go back to having a blessings book to help me reflect on the blessings of each day. Perhaps we will make it a family book or better yet, a family board so it remains visible as a constant reminder that we are blessed beyond belief. Do you have any practices or traditions that help you to live out of your blessings either as a woman, mom, or family? I'd love to hear them!

Easter Isn't Over: A is for Alleluia (and Acts of the Apostles)

"We are an Easter people and alleluia is our song." So Blessed Pope John Paul II reminded us on many an occasion. Why? Evidently we forget. A lot.

What does it mean, though? According to New Advent's entry, a brief definition of "alleluia" is as follows: "it may be literally rendered, "All hail to Him Who is!"--taking "All Hail" as equivalent to "Glory in the Highest," and taking "Who is" in the sense in which God said to Moses: "Thus shalt thou say to the children of Israel; WHO IS hath sent me to you." Basically - praise the name of the Lord!

Throughout Lent, Catholics refrain from using the word altogether. Lisa Schmidt has has a great, short synopsis of the why behind this practice at her blog, The Practicing Catholic. Her blog was the inspiration for my own journey through the alphabet this Easter season. 

Why is Blessed Pope John Paul's statement is significant? First, we are an Easter people - what does this mean for us as Christians? Quite basically, it means we are a people of the resurrection. Yes, Christ was crucified, but we live with the lens of new life and eternal life. This world and the things of it are not the final word or what hold the greatest glory. Jesus breaks open the gates of heaven to let us in, and that is our identity. We share an inheritance with the saints! We are a people of joy and life, not doom and gloom.

Secondly, alleluia is our song - what do we sing with our lives? Are our lives glorifying the Most High, or are we stuck in the ways of the world? On more than one occasion this week I've seen the quote from St. Irenaeus that reads, "The glory of God is man fully alive." What does this mean for us? What does it mean to sing alleluia with our lives? I think to fully understand this we must visit the Acts of the Apostles. The Easter story didn't,end with Christ's resurrection. It continued on with the story of the first apostles, and their journey in carrying out the mission Jesus left for them. It begins with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit and follows their stories of conversion, healing, miracles and persecution. This time after Easter is a continued season of miracles!

For us to be fully alive, to sing glory to the Most High, we must live out joyfully our purpose - to love God and bring others to union with him. We must claim the unique blend of talents and gifts he has given us and use them for his purpose, not ours. We cannot be afraid to share the good news of redemption and eternal life, of resurrection and of hope. We are an Easter people and alleluia is our song - this must be our battle cry! Jesus is risen, truly he is risen! This must be our message, especially in a world that is rapidly forgetting. Steve Ray posted an article on his blog stating that 16% of people (I presume Christians) do not believe in the resurrection of Christ. St. Paul tells us that if the resurrection is untrue and never happened, we are great fools indeed. I do not believe we are fools, but sadly more and more people are being fooled by the evil one.

Just like the first apostles, we have to carry the banner of the cross and resurrection into the world. That is our challenge in this Easter season and beyond. Sing alleluia, my Easter people, sing to the rafters...

I'll close with the words of Pope Francis from his first Easter Wednesday audience:

"Let us be enlightened by the Resurrection of Christ, let us be transformed by His power, so that through us the signs of death give way to signs of life in the world! I see that there are many young people in the Square! Young boys and girls, to you I say bring forth this certainty to the world: the Lord is Alive and walks beside us on our life’s journey! Bring forth this hope, be anchored in this hope, the hope that comes from heaven! Be anchored and bring forth the hope! You witnesses of Christ bring forth hope to this world that is aged by wars and sin!"

Easter Isn't Over! A Blog Project Inspired by "The Practicing Catholic"

The eggs may be collected and the leftovers in the fridge, but Easter is not over. It has just begun. While the stores are probably getting ready for the 4th of July, we as an Easter people should be continuing our joyful celebration of Christ's resurrection and preparing ourselves for a new outpouring of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. We should be taking seriously our call to be an Easter people, to live the mission that Christ has given us - heal the sick, give comfort to the mourning, go out and make disciples. Instead, for many of us, we are rejoicing that our Lenten sacrifice is over - bring on the chocolate, soda, coffee, television [insert Lenten sacrifice here]. This is not what maturity in the Christian faith is about!

Jesus did not pour out his blood on the cross and then rise again from the dead for us to go back to living life as usual. As a Christian, there is no "life as usual." We are called to live in the Spirit. We are told that we will perform greater miracles than He! That doesn't come from "life as usual." It comes from taking risks. It comes from calling on His name and His power. It comes from putting ourselves with those who need Him the most, some of whom make us uncomfortable. Most of all, it comes from allowing ourselves to be filled with His joy and peace. If people look at us as Christians and cannot see a notable difference from the rest of the world, then what good is it to believe? Why would someone want to follow Christ if it makes no difference in their ordinary lives?

We've been watching The Bible mini-series on the History channel. While I will admit that I wasn't head over heels in love with it, I do appreciate what it has done. It has taken the story to the masses as a real and living part of our history. There may be those who tuned in who have never heard the full story before. What it did for me in the finale, was remind me that the story doesn't actually END with the resurrection. The story continues through the centuries starting with the first Apostles leading directly to us in this moment. We, right now, today, are part of the story of salvation. We, right now, today, can bring the power of Jesus into someone's life. That doesn't come by putting away the Easter decorations and getting ready for summer.

I continue to reflect on our experience at the Charism school and Miracle Healing Service that we attended a few weeks ago. This morning, I was wondering if we were perhaps too tepid in our faith for God to pour out his healing in greater numbers. I confessed before that I am a bit of a skeptic given the theatrics we've seen on television with "healers." I was completely convicted this morning that it is my unbelief that keeps me from witnessing greater miracles. It is my own skepticism that keep the Holy Spirit at bay. At Calvary, there were two theives on either side of Jesus. One challenged him to show his works. The other humbly asked to be brought into the kingdom. Too often I am the one challenging Him, and then asking to be brought into the kingdom. Yet this is the season of miracles! This is the season of continuing to grow in our understanding of the mysteries we have just witnessed and preparing ourselves to share them with the world...to the ends of the earth!

Lisa Schmidt over at "The Practicing Catholic" has taken on an Easter challenge that combines a creative writing exercise with the call to continue our Easter celebration. Called "Blogging from A to Z," the challenge is to write a post using the alphabet as our guide to work our way through Easter. She beautifully catechizes with her post "A is for Alleluia." I think this is an excellent challenge for us all, so much so that I'm going to attempt to take up the banner with her. Though our key words may some days be the same (for instance, A really is for alleluia), I'm fairly certain the Holy Spirit will use us quite differently given our unique charisms. I'm going to try to keep up, and would love for you to join me!! Let us sing our Easter song all over the blogosphere!

Ten Things I Never Want My Children to Hear

I have found myself lately stopping in mid-sentence whilst saying things around the kids, especially Li'l G the Parrot. It's not that I am swearing, but I find that I sometimes make comments or try to be funny or self-deprecating without thinking of the larger consequences. As I was really reflecting on what I want my children to know and remember of us as parents, I know that there will be the things that 20+ years from now will make them roll their eyes or think "I'm not going to do that to/with my kids." I just want to be intentional in trying our darndest to make sure that their list is mighty short.

1) Disparaging words about them from our lips. We have amazing kids. They are littles. They are tough sometimes, but they are amazing. In our sarcastic, self-deprecating nature, it is easy to extend that deprecation onto our brood. I have found myself mid-sentence when someone pays us a compliment about how polite our Li'l G is about to tell them the dirty secrets of our sometimes tantrum-filled home. Then I remember how much it bothers me when my mother repays a compliment about me with a "if you only knew" comment or look. Our children have been created in the image and likeness of God, and like us, they are working their way back to Him. That comes with some rough steps, but it's our job as parents to help them get through those without holding it against them or publicly embarrassing them. Li'l G IS very polite. She is gentle and kind and expressive and beautiful inside and out. She is 2. That comes with some acting out - she is not a Stepford kid. So, thank you for noticing how sweet and gentle she is. 

2) Comparisons to their siblings (or anyone) as a negative statement about them. Having been an only child, I never really got to see the developmental differences between siblings. Friends, yes, and I heard those comparisons. I also made those comparisons in terms of parents, truth be told. Now having two very different children, I find that it fascinates me to compare their developmental milestones. One talked much sooner (and hasn't stopped). The other is definitely more physically adept at an earlier age. Neither is better. Yet, it is so easy to speak in terms of comparison. For instance, it took our Li'l G awhile to give up her bottle. Baby J is already trying to sip from a cup. Yes, he is light years ahead of his sister, but I found myself actually saying that aloud. It really bothered me to think that she might have heard that and thought that she was somehow not as good as her brother. Kids are different, siblings or not. God has wired each of them to his special purpose, and I need to encourage each of them in their strengths and not affirm them by degrading the other. My bad. 

In a similar vein, I never want them to feel that I am comparing them to their friends or anyone else for that matter. If we are having any serious issues in development, then we will address that head on with our pediatrician - not because Suzy down the street is doing things faster, but because there is a problematic delay in growth or development. There are going to be a lot of milestones in these young years, and many opportunities for achievement in the years to come. Our children need to know that none of that carries any weight when it comes to our love. We have to make them confident that we love them as they are, even while trying to get them to where we know they should be. Isn't God doing the same for us each and every day? He doesn't want us to be like anyone else he has made. He wants us to discover the potential and gifts he has bestowed on us in His time, not in ours. These kids, these very specific children with their very unique DNA, were given to me. To be graphic, God chose that egg and that sperm to come together at that specific time to create this life and bring to fruition beyond the womb. Why would we possibly want them to be like someone else, when God has specifically designed them for us?

3) Self-deprecating humor or comments about myself. If I want them to know and love themselves as precious children of God, I cannot treat myself any differently. This will take work. I don't always see myself through Christ-colored glasses. My hearing is not always attuned to blocking the devil's soundwaves. I'm getting better, but I have a long way to go. It will take intentional focus to not see myself as the Pillsbury Doughboy (or even if I do, to swat that aside and see instead Jesus radiating through me). It will take focus not to see every blemish. I want to do it for my children. These littles are ridiculously observant of even the tiniest detail and behavior. I don't want them to remember me always struggling with my weight or fixated on what might make me feel better about myself. How droll. God made me in his image just as much as he made them. I need to work on owning it and proclaiming it about myself, not in a pompous way, of course. Rather, if someone compliments me I need to be grateful and not guffaw or roll my eyes as I normally do. (And yes, I just used the word "guffaw.")

4) That's stupid/silly/dumb [enter non-validating word here]. I want my children to know that all their thoughts and emotions are valid. They may not be rooted in reality, but they are feeling whatever it is that their minds have concocted. I want them to know that as they grow, they can bring their fears and desires to me without ridicule or dismissal. Sure, some of it is going to be a bit off the wall. They are my kids. They will figure that out on their own, though, or I can talk them through it. I never want them to fear being laughed at by us for anything, however irrational. I want them to know I will hold them through their fears and encourage their dreams, grounding them in reality and faith.

5) That's gay/retarded/[enter attribute of person here to mean undesirable]. It's just not okay. I know there is a lot of controversy around it. I know people think we're all getting bent out of shape. The deal is that these terms we now know define characteristics of individuals who are disparaged in society. We know that these words are hurtful when used to insinuate that something is wrong, bad or not-smart. We also know that it just doesn't articulate what is really being said. It's become a colloquialism that, much like swearing, uses disparaging terms to convey an emotion without actually expressing what the emotion is. I never want my children to hear or say such things. Never.

6) Just go away. Ohhh, this one is tempting. When you are in the midst of simultaneous meltdowns and nonstop chatter for 8 hours, this one is so tempting...and so very damaging. There is not one shred of me that ever wants my children to think that I do not want to be in their presence. I need to teach them that they cannot and should not demand immediate attention during every waking hour, but I want them to know I receive great joy in being with them. Even in the midst of angst, I rejoice in them. God rejoices in me even when I'm a pain. I need to be sure they know I delight in them through thick and thin. 

7) You're ugly/fat/undeserving of love. Boy oh boy if I ever hear someone say this in any of its forms to my children, you had better watch out for mama bear. It comes out in many forms not so overt as the words themselves. I never, never, never want to be the one who insinuates such things. I actually remember hearing my own parents talking about me gaining a little weight. Want to know how old I was? Six. That's right. Six years old. And then again around my teenage years. I know they never meant it to be hurtful, but I believe there are certain things you say that no matter your intention are damaging. This is one of them. I do not believe it is isolated to the young ladies out there. There is just as much pressure for boys, and sometimes less opportunity for them to express their hurt. I find myself brushing Li'l G's hair or pretending to put powder and lotion on her face and then saying "oh, pretty girl!" Then I cringe. She IS pretty - she is BEAUTIFUL! Not because her hair is done or there is powder or lotion on her face, but because that is how God made her. There is so much she will have to fight in society to retain her dignity and a solid self-image. I do not want to contribute to the notion that exterior things make her more or less beautiful. My job is to help each of them claim and own their beauty as children of God so when the evil one throws the poo at them through the mixed messages of the world, they can throw it right back and say "no, thank you." They will be polite about it clearly - it is part of their beauty.

8) Parental arguments. Yes, they happen, even in our perfect and always happy home. (cough). Our children should never be embroiled in them. We should never use them as a bargaining chip. They should only know that mommy and daddy love each other dearly, and love them dearly. Yes, sometimes mom and dad disagree on things, but that does not lessen our love for each other, or our love for our children. El fin.

9) Constant complaining. Yes, I am guilty of perhaps seeing the glass as half empty or just another one the Hubbers will have to wash. I want to nip that in the bud while the kids are young. I want our home to be a home of joy, where we count our blessings, not mope over what we do not yet have. We are blessed beyond belief. God is always faithful and that is what I want our children to know. To quote Annie, "the sun will come out tomorrow." Even in Michigan, it's not cloudy forever. To paraphrase Blessed Mother Teresa, we should never let anything fill us with such sorrow that we forget the joy of Christ risen. We are an Easter people, a people of hope and a people of joy. Complaining betrays our heritage as adopted sons and daughters of the Most High. Will I still complain a little...as in did I go on a tirade about our house just an hour ago? Probably likely. I hope very much, though, that this will not be the prevailing characteristic for which I am remembered or known. 

10) Condemnation from judgement. This one is a little bit more of a "things I want my kids to differentiate between." I never want my children to hear someone criticize them or correct them and think that because they were wrong, that they are worthless or inherently bad. I want them to know that as sinners we all stray from the path, but our identity is in our redemption as children of a living God. I want them to know they are loved not for what they do (right or wrong), but because they exist. I want them to know how to take criticism and judgment in a way that they can discern God's voice in what is corrective and know the voice of the evil one enough to dismiss him. I want them to know that others will tell them not to judge, but it is good for them to judge right from wrong, sacred from profane, holy from evil. It is good to judge, but never to condemn - that alone belongs to God. We can judge an action for ourselves, but the person should never feel anything but our love. It is a tricky line to toe most of the time, especially when we talk about touchy subjects like sex. It is good for them to know they can toe that line with confidence and with our support. It is good for them to know that when they make mistakes, we will judge what they did as wrong, but we will love them just the same. It is good for them to know that we will set boundaries for them and instruct them in the faith in ways that will likely get us labeled as "judgmental," but that it is okay only if we live out that faith in love and service of our neighbors indifferent to their failings (hello, did you see the log in my own eye?). It allows us to live in the blessings of the beatitudes: 

‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.' Matthew 5:11-12 

I want them to live as much in the Beatitudes as I want them to obey the Commandments. Perhaps that is another post for another time, though.

Raising Rebels: In Conversation with Steve Ray

The Hubs and I have been blessed to be able to be away over the last couple of weekends to go to some Catholic conferences. Last weekend we were at the Charism School at Christ the King in Ann Arbor (which I wrote about here), and this weekend we were at the Michigan Catholic Young Adult Conference in Lansing. In my former life as a young adult minister, I was rather involved in the planning of this conference. Since the littles have come along and I've stopped working in full time ministry, my involvement has...waned, shall we say? I'm quickly aging out of the young adult bracket as well, as I crawl toward the big 4-0, too, so this was a bittersweet year for me as I approached the weekend. God always has better things in mind. What we approach with sadness or fear, he turns to joy and peace. This was no exception.

We had the honor and privilege of having Steve Ray (aka Jerusalem Jones) as our keynote speaker. If you don't know of him, you really should check out his work. His conversion story is pretty amazing. What struck me most about him, though, wasn't the utter wealth of knowledge he possesses, which he does. In listening to him speak, what really amazed me is how much God prepared Steve for His purpose in His time. All the experiences of Steve's life added up to what God was calling him to do. His parents' life and conversion, being raised and trained in the Baptist tradition, the friends he had made...everything led to him being who he is today and what he is doing for the Kingdom. This struck me as especially poignant at a time in life where I'm not always sure what God is preparing me to do or where I belong. Clearly there is a grander plan that is perfect in His time and purpose - I just have to be faithful to what He is calling me to today, big and small. Additionally, we had been trying to book Steve for the conference for three years and something always interfered. I think God was using those who came before Steve to plow the field to make it ready for the message he brought this weekend (along with Bishop Boyea of Lansing and Bishop Cepeda of Detroit). It is one of being on the offensive in our discipleship and armed for our mission of bringing souls to Christ, of reuniting them in love with their God, who loved them so much He gave His life for them. I'm not sure we would have had an audience ready to receive that fully three years ago.

Outside the realm of talks, the Hubs and I were also fortunate enough to be sitting right next to Steve's vendor table, so we took the opportunity to introduce ourselves and chat with him a bit throughout the day. There was one part of the conversations that really struck a chord with me. Steve and his wife have raised four children and have eleven grandchildren (as of now). He was sharing stories about parenting and mentioned a bit about the teenage years. His advice? Raise rebels, but raise them to be rebels for Christ - that's what's truly rebellious in our culture anyway. The years ahead will bring our children many temptations to think they are rebelling when in fact they are just going with the crowd. Don't be afraid to steer them in a rebellious direction arming them with morals and faith. Find them their own rebel army - surround them with friends who will rebel with them and hold each other accountable. Most of all, don't be afraid to be firm - just give them faithful alternatives and always help them to see the truth. Tall order, but one that is really pretty exciting! Who doesn't want to raise a rebel army?!?

This means, of course, that we ourselves have to deepen our faith and stand firm in the truth handed down to us. We need to be intentional about strengthening our friendships with those who are also firm in their faith and raising their families that way. We have to do all this without locking ourselves in a Catholic bubble or living in fear of the culture and the people in it. We have to prepare our children to eat with the sinners as Jesus did to share with them His love and His kingdom (and realize we all fit that bill). We have to be willing to do this ourselves so our children see and understand their identity and role as God's children, and the dignity all people were given created in the image and likeness of God.

Again, it's a tall order, but we absolutely cannot settle for less. There are too many people who wander lost and broken in this world not knowing there is One who has already shed his blood to save them and restore them to the glory of God. What a perfect message as we approach the season of Easter!

Happy Palm Sunday and prayers for a blessed Holy Week!!

7QT: The Week in Review

Not that I'm complaining, but it's Friday again already? 

1) Lessons from Veggie Tales: "For a thankful heart is a happy heart." While we were in the land of Dora for the last year or so (yes, I'm THAT mom that let her kid who wasn't 2 watch television, and probably way more than she should - reference #2 before commenting please), we have now entered the land of Veggie Tales. Can I tell you how much infinitely more sane I feel? Of course, this means I go to work belting "I'm so blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo, hooooo," but not only can I stomach the stories more, they often will hit home for me with quite a punch. Scripture is the living Word of God, whether on paper or with cartoon vegetables, after all. At this point we are slightly obsessed with Madame Blueberry (be thankful for what you have and do not always want more "things") and Dave and the Giant Pickle (no matter how "little" you think you are, with God all things are possible). Hmmm, well played, Lord, well played. Use my 2 year old's viewing choices to get your message across. A gentle spring wind would work too.

2) Guilt is sometimes healthy, but we should be in the business of building up, not tearing down and condemning. Confession time: I kind of went off on a rant in a comment to one of my friends on Facebook because of a link she posted to a blog article ranting about Rachel Martin's post, Dear Mom on her iPhone. I deleted it after I woke up fully. While I still believe everything I wrote, I realized I just did exactly what I was chiding the author of the article for doing - ranting when something struck a nerve. Let's face it, that's generally when we rant. Here's the thing - I do believe we need to let go of excessive mom-guilt. Can we qualify it as that, though? Excessive guilt is damaging. A healthy dose of Jiminy Cricket in our ear and on our heart - maybe not so damaging. Guilt can be an indicator that something is askew, and sometimes that is exactly what we need to hear, as long as it is dealt with encouragement and not condemnation. With the blog in question, Rachel convicted me that something needed to change, but knowing her writing, I know she did it with the utmost love and encouragement, not condemnation. If you don't read her regularly, perhaps you didn't know that. Did I feel guilt? Oh heck yeah. Did it change the way I do things? Absolutely. Do I sit and lament about how awful I am if I fall back into old patterns with iPhone use? Not as much. I just dust myself off, get back up, and start over. Like any addiction or bad-habit, it takes time to modify behavior. We all have our issues and challenges - why not acknowledge them and then help and encourage one another to overcome those struggles? It seems while there is an awful lot of unnecessary mom-guilt inducing judgment out there, to react by saying no guilt is good just reinforces the "I'm okay, you're okay" culture which is, like, not okay, okay? (hee hee) There is right and there is wrong, and we need to acknowledge that in our own lives so we can pass it on to our children.

Clearly, these are NOT the Pope's shoes

3) Pope shoes: There has been much ado about Pope Francis since news of his election. Most of it is a breath of fresh air, but some of it is making people nervous. Remind you of anyone else? A certain carpenter, perhaps? Pope Francis has been on the job about a week and is shaking things up! Praise God! Jumping out of the Popemobile to bless someone, greeting all Massgoers after Mass, and now...celebrating Holy Thursday Mass at a juvenile detention center with prisoners. The Holy Father will be presenting a challenge to us all, much like that carpenter from Nazareth. Are we too tied to pomp and circumstance (not that all of it is a bad thing, but are we attached)? Does the fact that he's not wearing red shoes shake your faith? It really shouldn't. I'm quite excited to see what the Holy Spirit has in store for the Church. In essentials, I dare say she will never change, mostly because God already told us that. Not much of a dare, I suppose. With all the hoopla surrounding Pope Francis, there is one strain of commentary that has been troubling me, especially as I was praying last night. While we are in love with our new Holy Father as well we should be, some are using it as an opportunity to make snide commentary about the "policies" or "style" of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. I don't think that the Holy Father in any way would desire his new style to create any hostility or lack of charity to our former Pope. The kicker for me last night, though I hardly think that Benedict is on the interwebs, was wondering what it felt like to hear all that about yourself when all you did was serve God according to His will and not your own. Having laid down his life for the Church, to have the churchgoers insinuating that somehow he was less holy and less humble due to the red shoes (which are not Prada - please give that a rest) or formal attire of Pope's past...how hurtful would that be? So, please, be in love with Pope Francis for being what God has called him to be, compare even if you must, but do so with charity in realization that the man you are comparing him with also laid down his life in service for you, regardless of whether you liked his style or not. Thank you kindly.

4) Simplifying isn't always simple. It takes oodles of time. I am learning to be happy with baby steps, so the purging could take a few seasons. I'm actually okay with that. I told you there was a lot of healing and deliverance last weekend! Of course, if someone wanted to find us a couple of days where we didn't have other obligations and would take the kids so we could focus on a room or two with great intensity, I wouldn't mind. :)

5) Oh, Google, what are you doing? Really, is it necessary to dump Google Reader? Well, I guess I am glad I use Feedly, since it seems that is what you'll be using to help us transition to a Google-Readerless world. I'd been searching for an app that would let me read seamlessly on my iDevice, and I finally found my heart's desire with Feedly, mostly. The only thing I don't like is that it doesn't store old posts, but I can get to the blog's website pretty stinking easily to find them on there. Yeah, it's really not a downer at all. So far I'm pleased. How about you? Any suggestions for other apps?

6) My new favorite blog: Catholic and Loving It. The Hubbers had been telling me for quite some time that I would enjoy it, but I never quite got into following blogs until recently. Once again, he was right. I love it. Written by Mark Shea (who I've referenced before with his book, The Work of Mercy), the writing is quirky and sarcastic, but charitable and wise. I pretty much am nodding my head in agreement while trying not to laugh and wake any sleeping children. Love. So go. Check it out if you haven't. Now. Do it. Do it now.

7) I heart sleep. I'm not sure that really is a shocker to anyone, especially moms of littles. I still think it is worth saying out loud sometimes. This past weekend I got to sleep without the interruption of babies or cats for TWO FULL NIGHTS! That's TWO nights of 6+ hours of sleep! To top it off, Baby J even slept through the night for the first time in way too long and I got ONE MORE night of 5+ hours of sleep! Oh, slumber, dear friend, how sweet to see you again. Lest you think I brag, we were back to some wee hour waking last night. Still, we are moving in the right direction and I will take it for now. Plus, I know I have the potential for yet one more night of 6+ hours as we head to another conference this weekend.

And now for a little humor...

Check out other Quick Takes at ConversionDiary.com!

The Living Power of God

The Hubbers and I were tremendously blessed to get away this weekend to a conference in Ann Arbor. Called the Charism School, the weekend allowed us to grow closer to Christ, practice the presence of the Holy Spirit, and deeply recognize how little we tap into the power that God has given us through our baptism and the gift of his Holy Spirit. We realized how easily we are enslaved by the flesh and ways of the world and how little we truly believe the promises God has given to us as believers. 

I'm going to begin with an apology. I am breaking every rule of witness I have ever learned and was definitely given to me this weekend. This is a LOOONG post, so I hope you will stick with me. To play by the rules, I'll give my elevator minute version first. This weekend I gave words of knowledge from God to a stranger and received words of knowledge from a stranger that were accurate and relevant. I saw people miraculously healed of physical ailments. I experienced deliverance from things I had been struggling with for a long time, some of which I didn't even name correctly. I have been convicted in a very real way that Jesus is alive - today and every day. Now for the longer story for more details...

I confess, I read Scripture and while I "believe" that miracles are still possible, I kind of figure God has chosen other people to work them. Priests, pastors, preachers, missionaries, etc etc etc dot dot dot. Not little old me who struggles with her own spiritual darkness and lack of discipline. Well, let's just say that this weekend shook my out of my "not me tree." Now, I'm not claiming to be performing miracles just yet, but I am convicted that each and every one of us who has been baptized into the life of Christ as priest, prophet and king can, in fact, be a conduit for miracles. Let's be clear - we do not perform them. We offer our active faith and allow God to use us to perform supernatural deeds.

The school is taught by Damian Stayne, who founded Cor et Lumen Christi, an international ministry devoted to miracle healings and deliverance. He is clear. As believers, especially in this world, for the glory of God, we must perform signs and wonders - we are commanded to perform greater miracles than Christ. (We are, of course, commanded to do this out of love for God and our neighbor, not vanity in our ability to do wonders in demonstration of our own glory.) "Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it." John 14:12 

During the course of the weekend, we focused on placing ourselves in the presence of the Holy Spirit and growing in faith to open our hearts to do His works. First we practiced giving words of knowledge. These are bits of information or insights from God for another person - this weekend specifically people we had never met before and had no way of having prior knowledge about. I was ridiculously nervous. What if I was the only one who didn't have a revelation? What if I didn't have enough faith or wasn't holy enough? What if, what if, what if? Well, the other piece of the puzzle that Damian was clear on was that acting with the power of God requires a willingness to risk - to risk being foolish, to risk our reputations, to risk being wrong (being cautious not to do harm). So there I sat, praying, waiting for God to give me giant revelations. And my heart started beating faster. I could feel every bit of anxiety welling up and springing forth. In faith I took a deep breath and kept praying for something, anything that might be a word of knowledge from God to my partner. You know what? The littlest thing that I thought was nothing and a distraction in my prayer was in fact a word to my prayer partner. I had an image and phrase come into my mind that meant nothing to me and seemed irrelevant. Well, to me it was - but not to her. It wasn't some giant revelation, but it was relevant to something she was struggling with recently. Holy smokes! I know the Hubbers had a similar experience. In fact, almost everyone there was able to give a word that was specific and relevant to their partner (who in all cases was supposed to be a stranger to them). We're not talking in vagueries here, either. No "your fortune will increase" or "you will meet a stranger" nonsense of fortune telling. We are talking about very specific, albeit seemingly small, words from God.

Imagine if we always were able to discern what some random thoughts in our minds during prayer were meant!??

Part of the school included a miracle healing service led by Damian Stayne as well. Though I will admit a certain prejudice to skepticism, I cannot be skeptical of healings that I saw with my own eyes. I will share one - there was a man who came in able to walk only with the aid of a walker. It turns out he had just had surgery earlier in the week. After being prayed over, the man was not only able to walk, but could jog around the church with Damian. Yes, it is the stuff of movies, yet it was very, very real. No plants in the audience - we saw this man on our way in well before the service. Scores of others were healed of less dramatic ailments, and admittedly, some did not receive healing (myself included). It is easy to remain skeptical, but after seeing that man I mentioned before, I cannot be fully so. What power we have if we act in faith and are received in faith! Certainly, it may be God's will that a healing not occur for the greater good of salvation, but what if He wants to heal us and we don't grant him our faith and our will to "make it so" - what then?? How many of us walk around burdened with ailments that God has intended to heal? 

The last part of the school that was a profound experience for me was the deliverance session. I should be clear - first, this has nothing to do with that horrendously, awful, disgusting movie. And two, it is not the stuff of movie exorcisms. Those are conducted only by approved and official exorcists. Somewhat reassuring to me, as the supernatural haunting genre seriously creeps me out, was the reminder that if we earnestly give our will and assent to God (regardless of our human failings in that respect), we are not able to be possessed. So the deliverance here was from oppression and other areas of spiritual warfare. No Exorcism of Emily Rose moments, praise God. I know for me, it was the most powerful prayer I have ever received, at least since my initiation into the Church. I've shared that I had been struggling with frustration and anger, as well as self-doubt, to a point where it was truly weighing down on me. I can explain it no better than this - we first prayed a prayer of renunciation of a multitude of sins - as soon as self-hatred was mentioned, tears were flowing. I never knew THAT was what it was...I just thought of it as low self esteem in certain plaguing areas. When the prayer of deliverance was said over us, all that weight, weight I really hadn't even sensed as physical  completely lifted. I literally felt myself stand up straighter and hold my head up. Immediately. Then the weeping started, because let's face it, I'm a woman and that is my method of release (apparently emotional AND spiritual). We saw and heard many other things during that session which I cannot and will not share, but if I didn't believe that we were in a battle of powers and principalities before, I surely do now. I believe that it is NOT the big things that plague us, either - we can be faithful people and be oppressed by things that we open ourselves to unknowingly and willingly. The little things most definitely matter and can be used for the power of God or by the power of darkness. It's not just for movies or the pages of a Bible or the third world. It is real. It is now.

So what is the moral of this story? I need a stronger prayer life for myself. We as a family need to simplify and make more room for God so that we can be used by him to fulfill his mission and spread his Gospel so all may believe. We need to pray, pray, pray for our children and with our children. Pray for their protection. Pray for their faith. Pray for an intimate knowledge of the unyielding love of God so when other forces tempt them to stray, they know they are forever in the arms of love. We must be wise and in constant discernment of the things that we allow to influence us. Do we live in excess? Do we hold on to pastimes and entertainment that takes our eyes off of Christ? This isn't to say that we can only watch EWTN or listen to Christian music. What is it we are opening ourselves to, though, in what we allow in? Fr. John Riccardo in his preaching says "garbage in, garbage out." The garbage sticks to us, too, though, so we have to be ever mindful without becoming over-scrupulous, of course. Lastly, we reflect what surrounds us - we are in need of a community of believers where we can practice living in the power of the Holy Spirit and exercising the gifts God has given us. There simply are not enough communities around - Christ the King in Ann Arbor is exceptional. We are not in Ann Arbor. We are not in the Diocese of Lansing. We need community here that fits our season of life. We need the Church to be that gift to us so we can grow in our gift to the community. Sadly, we realized that as so much in young adult and young family ministry, if we want it, we may have to build it. At a time when we are so very stretched, that is a sad realization after such a fantastically high weekend. We know, though, if God is calling and it is His will, He will pave the way. Let's see what the months ahead reveal...