In the few years since I have started this blog, there have been many visions of what it is I thought it could be, what it could become. Sure, part of that included visions of whirlwind tours once my famous manifestos were published, but then I realized that might be more the plot of a cheesy movie and not the plan for my own life.
What began as an online diary about first-time motherhood swiftly deteriorated into mirroring my 7th grade journal, in which I began to draw the ancestors of the modern-day emoticons, much to my teacher’s disappointment. Keeping a steady journal has never been a strong part of my character, though it is hands-down my greatest recommendation to anyone seeking to know God more deeply. Free write, free think, from the silence scribble whatever comes your way and look back upon it to discover the voice of God.
While I still strongly believe that journaling is sage advice, I wasn't about to make a public forum my personal journal. From that funeral pyre came the inspiration to broaden the scope and become all things to all people. Motherhood! Marriage! Service! Church teaching! Scripture! Weekly reflections on ALL THE THINGS! While some of that has persisted, I realized as that energy quickly fizzled that I also could not take on every little thing that came into my head. By their fruit you shall know them, and with that rendition of the blog, the only thing fruity was me.
As I began to read more writers and interact with the blogosphere more and more, the other thorn nagging me was the sense that it has all been written. There are others out there writing about motherhood with far more eloquence. There are others who are truly gifted at explaining the faith with clarity and humor. There are others who are living dedicated lives of service and mission, in the single life and with their families. There are others.
There are others, and yet… If I were but one small voice able to tell the world anything, what is it that I would say? What is at the heart of my mission? What has been my pain, my struggle, my refuge, my hope? At the end of the day, it is our brokenness that draws us together and leads us to our only hope that lies in Jesus. So I prayed. I dreamed. I paid attention to where the Lord was giving me encouragement and what He was content to lay fallow. I let it all go. Is this something I need to give my time to when there is so much else to be done? What if I just stopped writing and creating all together? What would the world look like then? What would my world look like? I suppose I might have a cleaner house, but in reality, that is not all that likely. To imagine a world where I stopped creating made me sad. It is when I am creating that I feel most alive. It is in creating that my soul is lifted up to the heights.
That creative spark which takes on a life of its own, that becomes a flurry of dancing flames and touches the heart of someone else – there lies my passion and my mission:
To let others know they are loved more deeply than they can imagine.
To share the joy of forgetting oneself in the service of others.
To share my own struggles in laying it all down and trusting God has me covered in every way imaginable, that by living differently – living, loving, and serving boldly – there lies the road to happiness.
To give others permission to fail, fall, and doubt with confidence that we will all be lifted up again…and again…and again.
There will likely be features of the blog that come and go. I am not going to promise to tame that wild beast! As a whole, I am hoping that this new, more focused rendition will allow me to become more disciplined in the consistency and content of my writing. There may still be emoticon only posts from my inner pre-teen, but they will stir your soul … or something like that.
There you have it. Blog version 2.015 debuting at the end of May (because deadlines are a good motivator).
A new look will be unveiled down the road as the visions dancing in my head slow down and become tangible images.
Since it is the core of my identity, you will still see a lot about faith – my conversion, reflections, Scripture, the Saints.
Because it makes my soul dance, you will see more about art, beauty, literature, and music.
They tell you to write what you know, so you won’t escape my thoughts on family, motherhood, marriage, and womanhood – I live it 24/7, so you will be reading about it!
Finally, because it is what I would tell the world if I ever get my 15 minutes of fame, you will find a lot more about coming together in our brokenness and loving one another better. There will be more focus on the mission: loving selflessly, serving joyfully, and living boldly in a world that is starved for authentic love, hope, and meaning.
I hope you will come along for the ride, new readers and faithful friends alike. It’s probably going to be a bit of a mess, but it will be one beautiful mess! Thanks for walking along with me!