Worship Wednesday: Vol 3

So, with all the chaos over the last week, and the kind of Friday I had at the beginning of the day, I thought this week would be a perfect week to feature a little Francesca Battistelli with "This is the Stuff." It's a great anthem to get me through those moments where I feel a little bit overwhelmed and forget that God uses all things for the good of those who love Him. All things. Even the stuff I hate and makes me react in a not so God loving way. Sing this at the top of my lungs in the car with the windows down, and the "stuff" just seems to melt away. Mostly.

Here it is - Worship Wednesday with "This is the Stuff"...

7SDQT (SuperDuperQuickTakes): Version Two - Full Steam Ahead

So, as I was driving, I was going through my morning and realized I could do an entire Quick Takes just on my morning. Indulge me - I gotta vent. Be warned - this is not a "Life is Good" post (though it is, it really is). There aren't even pictures. You know that's not normal!

-1-

Just for once I would like to feel like I am not behind the game and stressing to get out the door relatively on time without drool on my shirt and hair and makeup done. Just once. I'm guessing that's not in the cards for a family with littles or cats who throw up just as you are walking out the door. Sorry Hubbers, we'll have to clean that up when we get home - I wasn't coming back in the door!

-2-

I am sick sick sick of clutter. Too many toys, too much everything! I was reading some other 7QT posts and a few people were talking of our perpetual Lent as parents (and especially parents of littles). Yes yes yes! This Lent, my goal was to detach from my iDevice and be more present. You know what would help me be more present? Let's just take everything in the house that is causing clutter, put it in a large pile in the yard and take a match to it. No, really. Is that detached enough for you? Hey Scott - I'll even let you light the match that gets to engulf my frivolous books! (Note to all my bibliophile friends - no, I'm not actually going to burn books. Note to Hubbers - in this case, "what's yours is mine" does not apply - please breathe.)

-3- 

This is partially due to #1 on the list, but why, oh why, must the Devil aggravate me with bad drivers when I'm already late? Seriously, if I am the only car coming, and you need to pull out into traffic to turn left in the direction I am going, WHY must you cut me off and then drive >10 MPH slower than me? Would it have killed you to wait 10 seconds and pull out after me? NO ONE IS BEHIND ME! I am, of course, as I get ready to indulge myself in a bit of road rage and tailgate, reminded that time - all time - is created by and belongs to God and there must be a purpose greater than my little mind can comprehend. Yeah yeah, I hear ya Holy Spirit - stop whispering.

-4-

We are at THAT stage with Li'l G. The one where she latches on to one thing we say and then repeats it over and over and over and over and over and over until I want to stick my finger in my eye to relieve that headache that is beginning. It's not enough that she doesn't stop talking EVER during waking hours, but once she latches to a word or idea, game over. Kids were going over to Nonna's this morning....around noon, mind you. Well, she remembered and from 7:45 when she woke up until I contemplated finding a fifth of whatever was lying around the house, that was ALL I heard. Well, that interspersed with "watch Veggie Tales" over and over and over and over and over.

-5- 

Stress eating leads me to McDonald's. Heaven help me, all I wanted to eat (since I didn't have five seconds to put together a meal) was a Filet-O-Fish meal from McD's with a chocolate shake. You bet your bum that's what I am having for lunch. "Lose It!" gets shelved for today before mama loses it for realz.

-6-

I miss my mom and am rather frustrated she is not around. Granted, when she is here she typically drives me nuts, but I'd rather she were here anyway. We are incredibly blessed to have Nonna helping us with the kids well beyond what is probably acceptable with our Lenten and Easter conference/work schedules, but as much as she is my second mom, it's just not the same as my own mom. Besides which, my mom is missing out on precious moments with these kids who may never really get to know her, y'know? Does someone else want to take up the banner of "move your behind to Michigan" with her? I'm spent.

-7-

I'm spent. I mean hanging on by a thread spent. Prayer life - mediocre at best. Eating - yeah, pretty much whatever is convenient...what's healthy? Health - yeah, starting to worry that's suffering a little too. I'm so thankful for the mommy blogosphere and other mom friends who read my posts and let me know I'm not completely nuts. However, something has gotta give. Hoping this weekend conference/retreat will provide some major breakthroughs and miracles. I need to live in my gifts and struggling every day to find ways to do that is draining. I need light within the tunnel, not just at the end of it...

I told you. All just this morning. Mommy needs a real vacation.

Rainy Days and Mondays

[Updated note: I know in my head and heart I'm not failing. I just want to do better and would love your tips if you've got any!]

As the Carpenters so eloquently put it, rainy days and Mondays always keep me down... though it's not literally raining outside, as I mentioned before, our whole family is a bit under the weather. Just work with me here...Today is one of those days where I have plenty to do, but my mind keeps getting in my way. The guilt spiral keeps looming and that is debilitating. Germs can mess with your mind. Here's what they've got me thinking about today.

1) My kids eat too much processed foods. Chemicals are in everything, but way too often Li'l G is eating pre-prepared meals (even if they are designed for toddlers) and processed meats. I would really, really like to be one of those moms who can make everything from scratch and have her meals planned out, but I'm not. Fail.

2) Li'l G watches WAY too much TV, especially when I am sick or busy. It's just too easy to flip on the tube and let her watch her cartoons. While she has learned quite a lot in both language and counting, her attention span could use a little help, and let's face it - the boob tube is called that for a reason. I've been getting better about that, but on a day where a) I don't feel well and b) I don't want to pass along other germs, it has been a tv-rific day. Fail.

3) I did not/am not still breastfeeding. Yes, I know, we've covered this before, and I was over it. Well, it turns out maybe I wasn't actually ever over it, I just learned to deal with it. On a day like today, I'm not over it. Baby J is gaining weight quickly, and yes, the doctor says that is good and fine, but I know the studies that show that bottle fed babies are more prone to obesity than breastfed babies. Have I set up my children to battle weight problems? Having done this all my teen/adult life, it really scares me. Did I just not try hard enough, or was I really not able to breastfeed? Maybe I just gave up too quickly at the sign of adversity, per usual. Fail.

4) Did you know there is a diaper shortage looming? Yeah. Well, if I had made a go of cloth diapers, perhaps I wouldn't worry about this. Yet, there is one more thing I don't have the discipline to do. (Add this to the impending bacon shortage and I may just have to throw in the towel!)So not only are we ruining the environment, now we may not be able to get disposable diapers as easily (or economically) and I'll have to contend with my lack of discipline in the cloth diaper department. Fail.

5) Our family is not in the 1% - we are part of the 99% just like 99% of you. And let's face it, we're not poor, but we don't really have a lot of disposable income (unlike the diapers). So when we made the decision for me to stop working full time, the Hubbers took on a second job. While he loves what he does, the extra work is taking a toll on him emotionally and spiritually (amidst some other family happenings at the moment). Now that I've left, I really have no desire to go back to work full time there. Maybe if something intriguing came along, but with daycare costs it just isn't usually worth it. Then again, with healthcare costs, maybe it would be. Either way, I didn't like being a full-time working mom, and I feel like I'm drowning as a part-time stay-at-home mom, so I can't lighten the load on the Hubbers when he is home. Fail.

6) I want so badly to be the fun mom, but too often I'm the "knock-it-off" mom. I'm distracted, I'm over-scrupulous as to what Li'l G is doing (does it really matter if she tore a page out of her coloring book or took a crayon to the tv stand?) and it keeps me from being proactively fun. I look at what my stay-at-home moms are doing (or part time SAHMs on their days home), and I feel again like I am drowning. I WANT to take my kids to the zoo. I WANT to have picnics in the park or go outside and draw on the sidewalk and blow bubbles at the passing cars. I WANT to have a clean house and be playing with my kids while dinner is on the stove. But I don't. Right now we're sick, so it's just not going to happen. Other days, I'm just too tired. I'm tired of being tired and un-fun. Fail.

7) I'm not going to claim to have ever been an organized person. Generally speaking I live in an organized mess. I used to claim it was a work of genius because I was too busy thinking to get organized. Yet, I know the mess (and it's no longer an organized mess), is causing me stress and discontent. I think some of the other issues would disappear if I could just conquer the clutter, but as it is not my strength, I get started, see the magnitude of what I need to do, and get overwhelmed. Fail.

While I realize the article I linked to a couple weeks ago mentioned that the only failure is to stop trying, on this day I don't buy it. I want to try harder. I want to be fun. I want to feel like I am a good wife and mother and employee, and I just don't right now. So answer me this...

1. What low-key interactive activities do you do with your kids when you (or they) are sick?
2. What easy meal plans or recipes have your found for your kids that minimize the amount of processed and pre-packaged food they eat?
3. If you couldn't (or decided not to) breastfeed or use cloth diapers, did you feel guilty about it? If so, how did you deal with that...I mean really, truly deal with it - not bury it and just shove it away like me?
4. When you are exhausted and/or sick, what gives you a good energy boost (don't say exercise, don't say exercise, don't say...yeah, ok.)?
5. How do you get (and stay) organized quickly?
6. And finally, how do you keep from losing it all?!?

One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

How is that the line from The Godfather II go? Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in? Seems like parenting is living that line over and over. I should mention it's been a particularly rough week at our house. Between illnesses (ours and family), exhaustion, ridiculous work schedule and expensive repairs to the house's innards, we are pretty beaten and battered. 

In the midst of that, grace surely does still shine, but the thought that keeps coming to me is that I should never, ever think I'm finally getting it under control. We make some good progress, and then all kinds of heck break loose. Incidentally, also never ask what else could happen - "what else" will show you.

Li'l G has been recovering from an ear infection, in the process of getting a cold, and the Hubs was away for work for 3 days, so she has been having a tough week. I finally gave in the other night when I'd gotten up 4 times with her in two hours and let her come sleep with me. And Baby J. In one bed. Don't judge. I know - co-sleeping has its dangers, but I appreciate that the word includes within it the word "sleep." Though it wasn't much, it beat getting up every half hour through the night.

Oh, and did I mention that when the Hubs is away, the cats will play? All night? Loudly? Yeah. Sleep schmeep. 

Baby J, of course, is the most chill little baby ever. He just takes it all in usually, but even he was a little antsy that not everyone was home. He loves his daddy snuggle time for sure! I think our kids, though social in nature, will be homebodies. I'm so very much okay with that, which is a pretty huge change from my non-married, non-parent days. This social butterfly is just fine resting her wings for awhile. 

Praise God Hubbers is back safe and sound (as sound as we are going to be for the next several years at any rate!), and things are starting to get back to "normal."  Of course, we're out a few $K on a new furnace/ac system since ours rusted out. Not tin roof rusted. Rusted rusted. Are you kidding me? They didn't notice this during the service calls? Like I said, never ask "what else" to show its ugly head.

Through all of this, mama has definitely lost some easy-going, fun parent points as the temper has been a little shorter as of late. It seems like I'm just hitting my stride and then I lose it. Parenting definitely keeps you humble. You won't ever hear me say I've got it all together, because I spend really a lot of time looking for "it" all day. Speaking of which, let me know if you have connections at HGTV who want to come organize and remodel my house to my liking for optimal use and efficiency. We've got the heating and cooling covered!

To quote the wise Jim Halpert, "Lord, beer me strength." :)